#i'm not entirely sure i'm using it in the same way he was but

[goldfades]

my boredom's bone deep / this cage was once just fine / am i allowed to cry? / crashing into him tonight, he's a paradox / i'm seeing visions, am i bad? / or mad? or wise? | joe burrow⁹ (part 1/4)

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⟢ ┈ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 12.1k

⟢ ┈ 𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 | trapped in a relationship that feels more like a losing game, you find yourself drawn to the one person you shouldn’t want—the one who sees you, the one who listens, the one who makes you feel alive. but temptation is a dangerous thing, and once you’ve had a taste of something real, there’s no going back.

⟢ ┈ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 | lots and LOTS of angst, switching between second and third person (it'll make sense and it's only for a couple of scenes where it's needed) slow-burn tension so thick you could cut it with a knife, toxic relationships, manipulation, emotional turmoil, guilt and desire intertwining in the worst ways, heavy themes of self-discovery and repression, morally gray decisions

⟢ ┈ 𝐞𝐯'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬 | okay guys, i couldn't resist... here is another long ass joe burrow mini-series because taylor swift has struck me with creativity... AGAIN. this will be a 4 parter and it will have a happy ending, but for now... just enjoy the slow burning of it and hate my made-up bengals player -- miles !

You used to think love was supposed to feel like this—steady, predictable, something you could fold into like freshly washed sheets. You and Miles had been together so long that your names practically rhymed in people’s mouths, like you were one of those inseparable, inevitable couples that just made sense.

And for a while, it did make sense. You were the girl on his arm at every event, the perfectly curated extension of his success. The engagement ring—a little too big, a little too heavy—sat on your finger like a trophy of its own. A prize.

But lately, it felt like Miles had stopped seeing you as anything more than that. A fixture in his life, expected and unremarkable. Like the luxury watch he only wore on game days or the expensive car he barely drove. You were always there, always waiting, always his. And he loved that, in the way someone loves knowing their favorite shirt will still be in the closet when they reach for it.

You just weren’t sure you loved it anymore.

The thought made your stomach twist. Because if you weren’t his, then who were you?

And then—Joe Burrow happened.

But, Joe Burrow was not supposed to happen.

Not to you, not to the carefully constructed life you had built around Miles, not to the girl who had spent years perfecting the role of the unwavering, effortlessly beautiful fiancée of an NFL star. But Joe moved through your world like a dropped match in a dry field—quiet, unassuming at first, and then suddenly, everything was on fire.

It wasn’t instant, not in the way stories like this usually go. There was no slow-motion moment, no breath-stealing epiphany. It started subtly, like the shift in seasons, like the way you don’t notice the days getting shorter until you’re standing outside at five o’clock and it’s already dark.

At first, he was just there—new to the team, new to the city, new in a way that made him sharp against the dullness you had started to sink into. You watched as he learned his place in the locker room, the way veterans sized him up, the way he answered with quiet confidence instead of arrogance. He was young but didn’t feel young. Polished, but not in the way Miles was. Miles was effortless charm, all grins and easy words, the kind of man who could shake a hand and win a deal in the same breath.

Joe was something else entirely. He didn’t just talk—he listened.

And that, you realized too late, was dangerous.

Because one night, at some event you barely wanted to be at, standing next to a fiancé who had long since stopped noticing the way your fingers curled anxiously around your champagne glass, Joe looked at you like he saw you. Like he had been watching, waiting, wondering.

And for the first time in years, you felt something shift.

--

Miles had always been the guy. The Bengals’ golden boy, the name fans chanted, the one reporters turned to after every game. When you first met him, he carried himself like a man who had already won. Six years older, already established, already adored—he had that presence, the kind that made people lean in when he spoke, the kind that made you, fresh-faced and wide-eyed, feel lucky just to stand beside him.

But now, there was Joe.

And whether Miles would admit it or not, it was getting to him.

It started small. A lingering glance at the TV when Joe’s highlights played instead of his. A clipped response when someone mentioned Joe’s name at dinner. But then, it became you.

"Do you still think I’m the star?"

The first time he asked, you laughed, thinking he was joking.

But he wasn’t.

You saw it in the way his fingers tightened around his glass, the way his shoulders tensed like he was bracing for impact.

"Of course you are," you had said, reaching for his arm, pressing your nails lightly against his sleeve.

And that was all he needed. A little reassurance. A little something to smooth over the edges of his pride. But then he asked again. And again.

"I mean, you don’t think people are, you know… forgetting?"

"You don’t think he’s—" a pause, a swallow, a carefully constructed smirk—"overshadowing me?"

And every time, you lied.

Because what were you supposed to say? That the shift was undeniable? That Joe walked into the locker room and the energy changed? That when people talked about the future of the team, they weren’t saying Miles’ name anymore? That you had started noticing it, too—the way Joe was young, sharp, hungry, while Miles had begun to settle into his success like a man reclining in a chair that used to be upright?

So you told him what he needed to hear.

"Don’t be ridiculous. You’re still everything."

But even as you said it, the words tasted false. Because when Miles spoke about himself, it was always in the past tense—I was the first star, I was the franchise guy, I was the one they built around.

And when people spoke about Joe, it was all about the future.

That was the difference.

And maybe—just maybe—that was what made you start looking at him, too.

You watched it happen in slow motion—the way Miles and Joe orbited each other, circling like two planets on a collision course, neither willing to acknowledge the gravity of the other.

At first, Miles played it cool. He was the veteran, after all. He had been here first. He had built his career brick by brick, through losing seasons and empty stadiums, back when the Bengals were a team people barely bothered to watch. When you met him, that was what he always talked about—the work he had put in, the years of carrying this franchise on his back.

"I made this team what it is," he would say sometimes, stretching out on the couch after a game, watching highlights on TV with a half-smirk, as if waiting for you to agree.

And back then, you did.

Because you had watched him grind, had seen the early mornings, the bruises, the exhaustion that clung to him after every brutal season. You had been his—the girl in the stands, the hand on his chest when he got home, the soft place he could land.

But now, the team didn’t belong to just Miles anymore.

Now, there was Joe. And Miles hated that.

At practice, you saw the way he measured himself against Joe, the way his jokes about the rookie’s "new car smell" had just a little too much bite. How he watched when Joe got called for post-game interviews, jaw clenched just a little too tight.

"They should be talking to me," he muttered one night after a game, dropping his phone on the table like it had personally offended him.

"Miles, they still talk to you," you had tried, voice gentle.

"Not like they used to."

And it was true.

At first, Miles had treated Joe like a little brother, ruffling his hair, giving him shit for his outfits, cracking jokes at team dinners. But then Joe started winning. Started throwing passes that made the crowd gasp, started playing with that quiet confidence that made people lean forward in their seats.

And suddenly, Miles’ jokes didn’t land the same way.

He started pushing harder in practice. If Joe made a good throw, Miles made sure his next one was better. If Joe got interviewed, Miles found a way to insert himself into the conversation. He started pointing out things—"He’s good, but let’s see how he handles the pressure. He’s young. He hasn’t been hit the way I have."

Like he was trying to convince himself of it more than anyone else.

And you—God, you noticed.

You noticed the way Miles had started looking at Joe like a threat instead of a teammate. You noticed the way his hand tightened on your hip when Joe walked into a room. You noticed the way he suddenly started talking about his legacy, about what he meant to this team.

And worst of all—you noticed the way Joe looked at you.

Because unlike Miles, Joe wasn’t trying so hard. He wasn’t overcompensating, wasn’t clawing to prove something. He just was. And when he looked at you, it wasn’t with the expectation that you would tell him he was still the star.

It was like he already knew who he was.

And maybe, for the first time in a long time, you were starting to wonder who you were, too.

--

The event was like every other one before it—too loud, too crowded, filled with people who weren’t actually listening to each other, just waiting for their turn to talk. Miles was somewhere across the room, laughing a little too hard at something an exec said, one hand wrapped around a glass of bourbon, the other resting on the shoulder of someone who mattered.

You were used to this part.

The waiting. The being-seen-but-not-heard. The polite smiles and empty small talk, the way people’s eyes would flicker over you before refocusing on Miles, because that was where the real conversation was.

You had perfected it—the art of looking engaged without actually being included. So when Joe Burrow slid into the seat beside you, you didn’t think much of it. At first.

And then he spoke.

"You always look this bored, or is it just tonight?"

You blinked, thrown off, turning your head to find him watching you. Not in the usual way—not in the quick, cursory glance men usually gave you before looking away, like you were set dressing, like you were just an extension of the man they actually wanted to talk to.

No, Joe was looking at you.

And he was smirking.

You scoffed before you could stop yourself. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me." He leaned back in his chair, stretching out like he had all the time in the world. His suit fit well—not flashy, not desperate, just right. Effortless. His tie was loosened, just slightly, like he couldn’t be bothered to play by the rules all the way. "You’ve been staring at the same spot on the floor for the last ten minutes. What’s down there? Something more interesting than all this?"

"Wouldn’t take much."

"Fair." He nodded, like you’d made an excellent point, then stuck his hand out. "Joe."

"I know who you are."

"Yeah?" He tilted his head. "Funny. You don’t look like you care."

You should’ve laughed. Or brushed him off. But there was something about the way he said it—like he wasn’t trying to be charming, like he was just stating a fact.

You hesitated. Then, almost begrudgingly, shook his hand. "Nice to meet you, I guess."

"‘I guess,’" he repeated, amused. "Damn. That’s all I get?"

"You want a standing ovation?"

"Wouldn’t say no."

You rolled your eyes, but the corners of your mouth betrayed you, tugging upward just slightly. He caught it—of course he did—and grinned like he had already won something.

"So, what’s the deal?" he asked, nodding toward where Miles was deep in conversation, gesturing animatedly. "You actually like these things, or just contractually obligated to show up?"

"Contractually obligated," you admitted, swirling the drink in your hand. "You?"

"Nah. I just like free food."

You let out an actual laugh at that, brief but real.

Joe’s smirk deepened like he had been waiting for that exact reaction.

"So how long have you been stuck in the NFL Wife-To-Be role?" he asked, tone light but gaze sharp.

"Long enough."

"And how long is that, exactly?"

"You really want to know?"

"Wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t."

You eyed him for a second, waiting for the punchline. The usual "just making conversation" energy you were used to from these kinds of interactions. But there wasn’t one. He actually seemed interested.

"Since I was 19."

His brows lifted slightly. "Damn."

"What?"

"Just young, that’s all."

"And what, you weren’t young once?"

"Not that young," he said, shaking his head. "I was in college at 19. Drinking shitty beer and wearing the same hoodie five days in a row. You were—what? Coming to things like this?"

You shrugged, suddenly a little self-conscious. "It wasn’t that bad."

"Doesn’t sound fun, either."

"And what were you doing at 20 that was so much more fun?"

"Winning a championship," he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You stared at him, blinking.

"Oh," you said finally. "Right. LSU."

"Yeah. Ever heard of it?"

"Vaguely."

"Damn. Humbling experience."

You smirked, shaking your head slightly. "Wait, so—how old are you now?"

"Twenty-four."

Your lips parted slightly. "Shit."

Joe raised a brow. "What?"

"You’re only a year older than me."

"And you sound offended by that."

"I’m just—" You exhaled, realizing how ridiculous it sounded. "I don’t know. I feel like I should be older."

Joe gave you a look like he already knew why.

"Because of him?" he asked, flicking his gaze toward Miles.

You hesitated.

"Because of everything," you said instead.

Joe didn’t press. He just hummed slightly, tapping his fingers against his glass.

"Well," he said after a moment, smirking again, "if it makes you feel any better, you look like you’re at least twenty-five."

You narrowed your eyes. "That’s the worst compliment I’ve ever gotten."

"I was going for honesty."

"Try harder next time."

"Noted."

And then, just like that, the conversation shifted. It wasn’t flirtation, not exactly. It was something else—something easier, something lighter.

For the first time in a long time, someone wasn’t talking to you like Miles’ fiancée.

Joe was just talking to you.

--

It started as a passing thought. A curiosity Joe couldn’t quite shake after that conversation at the event. You weren’t what he expected. And maybe that was the first problem.

Miles had been around forever. The Bengals’ golden boy before Joe got there. A veteran. Respected. The kind of guy you built a franchise around—or at least, that’s what people used to say. But now, with Joe in town, the balance had shifted. Miles wasn’t the star anymore, and everyone knew it.

Even Miles knew it.

Joe could see it in the way he carried himself, the way he lingered after practices, pushing himself harder, talking about his old stats like they were some kind of proof that he still mattered. He’d joke about it, but there was always something underneath. So, Burrow, you think you’re the guy now? Said with a grin, but the weight was there. The question lingered in the air between them.

Joe didn’t care much about that. But he did care—more than he wanted to admit—about you.

It wasn’t even in a way yet. Not in any way he could name. It was just there. That curiosity, that thing in the back of his mind that wouldn’t go away.

So one day, in the middle of practice, while the guys were running drills, he decided to ask.

Casual. Offhand. Like he wasn’t actually that interested.

"Yo, what do you guys think about Miles’ girl?"

Tee was the first to react, barely hesitating before letting out a low whistle.

"Whew, man. That’s a dangerous question, 9."

"Is it?" Joe asked, tilting his head.

"I mean, you have seen her, right?"

"Obviously."

"Then you already know," Tee said, shaking his head like the answer was obvious.

"Know what?"

Ja’Marr snorted. "That he’s punching."

Joe raised a brow. "Out of his league?"

"By a long shot." Tee shook his head, gripping the football in his hands. "It’s crazy, too, ‘cause she’s just… cool. You ever actually talk to her?"

Joe hesitated for a half-second. "Yeah. Once."

That was enough for the guys to give each other looks.

"Ohhh, so that’s why you’re asking," Ja’Marr teased.

"Chill, man," Joe rolled his eyes. "I was just curious."

"Sure."

"Nah, for real, though," Tee said, tossing the ball to Ja’Marr. "She’s mad sweet. Like, actually nice. Not just in a ‘stand-there-and-smile’ way, either. She remembers shit. Like, I saw her at some event last year, and she asked me about my sister. Nobody ever asks about my sister."

"She’s solid," Tyler added, jogging past them. "Like, real solid. You don’t meet a lot of girls like that in this life."

Joe frowned slightly, rolling his shoulders. "So why’s she with him?"

That made Tee pause, gripping the football tighter.

"Man…" He let out a breath, shaking his head. "I dunno. She’s been with him forever. Since she was, like, a kid."

"How much older is he?"

"Six years."

Joe blinked. "Damn."

"Yeah. And, like—don’t get me wrong, Miles is cool and all, but…" Tee trailed off, glancing at Ja’Marr, like he was debating how much to say.

Ja’Marr finished for him. "He’s kinda—" He made a so-so motion with his hand. "You know. A little selfish. Talks about himself a lot."

"A lot," Tee agreed.

"You ever seen them together?"

Joe thought about it. Really thought about it.

Miles was always talking. And when he wasn’t, he was making himself seen. When you were with him, you were quiet. Smiling. Nodding. Like you had a script to follow. Like it was second nature.

Joe remembered the way you’d looked at that event, absentmindedly twisting your ring around your finger. The way your face had shifted, just slightly, when you realized you and Joe were almost the same age. Like you’d never really thought about it before.

"Yeah," Joe said finally. "I’ve seen them."

Tee nodded like that told him everything he needed to know.

"Miles is a lucky dude," Ja’Marr said after a moment, stretching his arms above his head. "Just don’t think he knows it."

That part stuck with Joe the longest.

--

You had always wanted a quiet life. Not small, necessarily, but yours. Intimate. A life where love wasn’t measured in carats or headlines, but in moments. In the way someone reached for you without thinking, in the way they listened—really listened. But you knew, from the moment you started dating Miles, that privacy was a luxury you would never have.

Not with someone like him.

Miles was big. A presence. A personality. A man who took up space and made sure everyone knew it. And, in the beginning, maybe that had been exciting—the way he talked about you like you were the best thing that had ever happened to him. It was flattering. Addictive, even.

Until it wasn’t.

Until it became less about you and more about the idea of you.

The engagement was when you realized that fully, undeniably. When the last piece of the illusion shattered.

You had told him—so many times—how you dreamed of it happening. Something quiet. Personal. Maybe somewhere beautiful, just the two of you. No cameras, no crowd. Something real.

And instead, he did it during a game.

A packed stadium, the roar of the crowd, the flashing lights. And you—sitting in the stands, already feeling like a spectator in your own life—watching in horror as your face appeared on the jumbotron.

Miles, down on one knee in the middle of the field. Smiling like he had just won the Super Bowl. Holding out a ring so massive it caught the stadium lights like a diamond chandelier.

You felt it like a blow to the chest.

Because this wasn’t for you. It had never been for you. It was for the spectacle. The story. The legend of Miles Johnson, star receiver, locking down the perfect woman.

He had looked so proud of himself, so smug, soaking in the cheers. He didn’t even look at you, not really. Not to see you. He just waited, arm outstretched, knowing you would say yes. Because how could you say no? Not here. Not with thousands of people watching. Not with cameras broadcasting your reaction to the world.

So you said it.

"Yes."

And the crowd erupted, and Miles pulled you into a kiss like he had just won a trophy, and your hands shook as they slipped into his.

Later, when the adrenaline had worn off and the reality of it settled in, he had taken every opportunity to brag about the ring. Thirty grand. He told his teammates, his family, reporters. You see that? Got my girl the best. He would bring it up casually, waiting for people to react, for them to nod and pat him on the back like he had done something incredible. Like he had bought you.

The truth was, you hated the ring.

Not because it was expensive, but because it felt foreign on your hand. It was heavy, suffocating, too much. Too Miles.

Like everything else in your life.

Somewhere along the way, you had stopped being a person and had become a reflection of him. His fiancée. His prize.

And maybe you could have kept pretending it was enough—maybe you could have convinced yourself this was what love looked like—if Joe Burrow hadn’t looked at you that night at the event, sat beside you, and talked to you. Like a person. Like someone worth knowing.

Like you still existed.

It hit you a month after the engagement.

The NFL Honors had been a blur of flashing lights and stiff smiles, your body on autopilot as you stood beside Miles, your arm hooked around his like a delicate accessory. You had smiled for photos, laughed at the right moments, leaned into him like you belonged there. Like you wanted to be there. Like you weren’t suffocating beneath the weight of it all.

And then it was over.

The glamor, the noise, the people. Gone.

You were back in the house—Miles’ house—miles of sleek marble and vaulted ceilings, an architectural masterpiece designed to impress. To be envied. And yet, it had never felt like home.

It was too big, too curated, too cold.

It wasn’t you.

It had never been you.

The silence was deafening, pressing in around you as you sat curled up on the couch, scrolling mindlessly through your phone, searching for something to fill the emptiness. And that was when you saw it—post after post, comments, pictures.

"Miles' girl." "Mrs. Johnson-to-be." "The most beautiful trophy wife in the NFL." "He really locked that down." "She’s perfect for him."

Not one mention of you. Not one comment about who you were, what you liked, what you thought, what you dreamed of. Just a never-ending stream of praise for Miles and how lucky he was. How you were his.

His. His.

You weren’t even Y/N anymore.

Just beautiful Y/N. Miles' perfect trophy. The girl who got the ring.

A weight settled in your chest, pressing against your ribs, thick and suffocating.

You hadn’t realized you were drowning until it was too late. Until you were so deep in it, you weren’t sure how to claw your way back to the surface.

Who even were you outside of him?

Your only friends were the other WAGs—women who smiled just like you did, laughed at all the same jokes, wore the same dresses to the same events, whose lives revolved around their husbands, their fiancés, their boyfriends. And Miles’ family—people who adored you, yes, but only as an extension of him. As the woman who would carry his last name, bear his children, sit in the stands and cheer him on.

You had spent years convincing yourself this was love. That this was what it meant to love someone—to mold yourself into what they needed, to take up less space, to fit neatly into their world without ever disrupting it.

And soon, you would be Mrs. Johnson.

And you would disappear entirely.

Miles came home late that night, the door clicking shut with the kind of ease that only came with routine. He never announced his arrival, never called out for you. He just assumed you’d be there—waiting, ready, exactly where he left you.

You were in the kitchen, sitting at the marble island, fingers curled around a half-empty glass of wine. He barely looked at you as he walked in, dropping his keys onto the counter, scrolling through his phone.

“Hey,” you said, voice softer than you meant it to be.

“Hey.”

A beat of silence. The air felt thick, heavy. You weren’t sure why, but you knew you needed to say something, anything to fill the space before it swallowed you whole.

“I was thinking of picking up a new hobby,” you tried. “Something creative. I don’t know, maybe painting or—”

“How much do you need?” Miles cut in, still looking at his phone.

You blinked. “What?”

He sighed like you were exhausting him. “How much? I’ll transfer it now.”

Your grip tightened around the stem of the wine glass. “I don’t need money, Miles. I just—”

“Then what?” He finally looked up, brow furrowed like you were the confusing one here. Like this conversation was a waste of time. “I don’t get it.”

You exhaled slowly, forcing yourself to stay calm. “I was just trying to tell you something. About me. About my life.”

“Your life?” He let out a short laugh, shaking his head. “What life, Y/N? You don’t work. You don’t have to worry about anything except looking good and showing up when you need to. What else do you need?”

It hit you square in the chest. The final nail in the coffin.

What else do you need?

Not who are you? Not what makes you happy? Not tell me more baby, I want to know.

You swallowed, a sharp bitterness curling in your throat. “I need a husband who actually listens to me.”

That made him pause. His brows pulled together, his lips parted slightly, but no words came out.

Then—“Don’t start this shit, Y/N.”

And just like that, something inside you snapped.

“This shit?” you repeated, voice climbing, hands shaking. “You mean talking? You mean actually having a conversation for once?”

Miles groaned, running a hand down his face. “Jesus, you’re always so fucking dramatic.”

“I’m trying to talk to you, Miles! And you can’t even pretend to care for five seconds!”

His eyes darkened. “You have everything, Y/N. A perfect life. A perfect goddamn ring. And you’re still not happy.”

“Because none of it feels like mine!” The words came out harsher than you intended, but they were true. “It’s your house. Your money. Your world. Where do I fit into any of it?”

Miles shook his head, scoffing under his breath. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“I want you to give a shit!”

“Well, maybe I don’t have time to sit around worrying about feelings all day!” He slammed his phone onto the counter. “I have a career to focus on, Y/N. A team to lead. You think I have time to deal with your little identity crisis?”

It felt like a slap.

A sharp, cold, humiliating slap.

You stared at him, heart pounding, mouth dry, but you had nothing left to say. Nothing left to fight for.

The silence stretched, long and unforgiving.

Miles exhaled, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m sleeping on the couch.”

He didn’t wait for a response. Just turned and left, his heavy footsteps fading down the hall.

And you—

You stood there for a long time, staring at the empty space where he had just been, before you finally moved. You crawled into bed alone, pulled the covers up to your chin, and let yourself cry.

--

The next morning at practice, the air was thick with late summer humidity, the kind that clung to your skin and made everything feel heavier. The guys were halfway through drills when Miles started talking—loudly, for anyone who’d listen.

“She was crying when I left last night, man,” he said, shaking his head as he lined up for another rep. “Over what? Some bullshit about a hobby. A hobby, bro. Like, what even is that? She has everything.”

Joe clenched his jaw, eyes locked on the yard line ahead as he rolled out his shoulders. He wasn’t trying to listen, but Miles wasn’t exactly subtle.

Tee Higgins, standing next to Joe, let out a low whistle. “Damn. You sure you wanna be sayin’ all that out loud?”

Miles scoffed. “What, like it’s a secret? Everyone knows she’s got the perfect life. But somehow, that ain’t enough.”

Joe exhaled sharply, dragging a hand down his face. He knew why it wasn’t enough.

And before he could stop himself, the words were out—sharp, biting. “Maybe ‘cause it’s your version of perfect, not hers.”

A pause.

Miles turned his head slowly, expression hardening. “What?”

Joe shrugged, keeping his voice even. “I’m just saying. Maybe you should listen to her instead of assuming she’s just complaining for fun.”

The guys around them shifted, suddenly very invested in stretching. Ja’Marr muttered something under his breath about not getting in the middle of shit, but Tee smirked, glancing between them like this was the most entertainment he’d had all morning.

Miles let out a short laugh, but there was no humor in it. “And what do you know about relationships, Burrow? You got a girl I don’t know about?”

Joe didn’t answer. Just stared back, unblinking.

Miles tilted his head, and his voice dropped lower. “Or are you just real interested in mine?”

The energy shifted. The air got tighter.

Joe rolled his shoulders, forcing himself to stay calm. “Nah. Just think you should be careful who you shit talk your fiancée to.”

“Fiancée, huh?” Miles’ mouth curled into something ugly. “You wanna date her instead or something?”

The words hit the ground between them like a live wire. The whole group went quiet.

Joe kept his expression blank. “That what you’re worried about?”

Miles took a step closer, lowering his voice. “Nah. I’m not worried about shit. But maybe you should be careful.”

Joe didn’t flinch. Didn’t move. Didn’t give Miles the satisfaction of a reaction.

Instead, he let the silence stretch, watching as the frustration crept into Miles’ expression.

Then, finally—Joe smirked. Just a little. Just enough.

And that pissed Miles off more than anything.

Miles' jaw tensed, nostrils flaring. His hands clenched at his sides like he wanted to say more—like he wanted to do more—but there were too many eyes on them now. The tension between them was so thick, so sharp, that even the guys who usually loved a little locker room drama weren’t sure if they wanted to be part of this one.

Tee let out a low chuckle, shaking his head. “Man, y’all gonna throw hands before practice even starts?”

“Ain’t nobody throwing hands,” Ja’Marr cut in, stepping between them like he already knew where this was headed. “Miles just real defensive all of a sudden.”

Miles scoffed, dragging a hand down his face. “Nah, y’all are just real nosy all of a sudden.”

Joe just smiled again, the same easy, slow smirk that had already set Miles on edge. He could see it in the way the older man’s shoulders went rigid, in the way his fists flexed. And Joe wasn’t dumb—he knew he was playing with fire. But Miles had been running his mouth since the moment practice started, acting like his relationship was some kind of burden, and Joe wasn’t the type to sit back and pretend he didn’t hear it.

There was a beat of silence.

Then, the other guys—those who hadn’t already quietly backed away—started chuckling, shaking their heads.

The laughter died down, but the damage was already done. The idea had already been planted—Miles wasn’t the prize in this relationship. She was.

Joe could see it in his face. The way his jaw twitched, the way his eyes flickered with something insecure, something raw.

And it made sense now. Why Miles paraded her around like a trophy, why he made sure every room knew she was his, why he proposed in front of an entire stadium instead of in private where she might’ve actually wanted it.

It was never about her. It was always about him. About making sure everyone knew he was still the star—on the field, in the locker room, and in his own damn relationship.

Miles exhaled through his nose, rolling his shoulders back like he was shaking off the conversation. Then he turned his glare back on Joe, pointing a finger at him. “You? Stay the fuck out of my business.”

Joe lifted his hands in mock surrender, smirking. “Wouldn’t have to if you stopped airing it out in the middle of practice.”

Miles stared at him for another second—long enough that Joe could see the battle happening in his head, the urge to keep pushing versus the reality that they were still standing on the damn field, still surrounded by teammates, still at work.

Eventually, Miles just muttered something under his breath and stalked off toward the sideline, shoulders tight with frustration.

Joe exhaled, shaking his head as he lined up for the next drill.

Tee clapped him on the back, grinning. “Oh yeah, you definitely got under his skin.”

Joe just smirked, eyes flickering in the direction Miles had gone.

Good.

--

You woke up feeling off.

Not sick, not exactly—but weighed down, heavy, like your body had absorbed the exhaustion of the night before and decided to make a home of it. The bed was cold next to you, a reminder that Miles had never come back from the couch. That should’ve brought some kind of relief, but instead, it just settled deeper into your bones.

You stared at the ceiling, the light creeping in through the expensive sheer curtains—ones Miles had picked out because they looked good, not because they actually blocked anything. You felt like you hadn’t slept at all. Maybe you hadn’t.

Last night was the first time in a long time that the silence had cracked, that the resentment bubbling beneath the surface had finally boiled over. And now, in the daylight, you couldn’t tell if you felt better for it—or worse.

It wasn’t like it was one fight that made you feel this way. It was years of being Miles Johnson’s fiancée, before that, his girlfriend. Years of being reduced to an extension of him, even when you hadn’t noticed it happening.

But you did now. And you couldn’t stop thinking about it.

You were nineteen when you met him. Miles was twenty-five. Six years older, in the prime of his career, a star. And you? You were just a college sophomore at a school you weren’t even sure you loved, in a major you had picked because it seemed practical, not because it felt right. You had plans for your life, dreams, but they were all vague and out of focus, waiting for the right moment to take shape.

And then there was Miles.

Charming, cocky, larger than life—he had walked into the bar that night like he owned the whole damn city. You hadn’t even known who he was at first, but your friends did. They whispered about him like he was something untouchable, an idea more than a person. And then, somehow, he was standing in front of you.

“You’re the prettiest girl in here,” he had said, like it was a fact. And when you had rolled your eyes, he had laughed, delighted.

“Not gonna fall at my feet, huh?”

“Not a chance.”

That had made him try harder.

It was easy, then. Easy to get caught up in the whirlwind of being pursued by someone like him—older, successful, with the kind of confidence that made you believe he knew everything about the world. He took you to expensive restaurants, bought you things you would never have dared to pick out for yourself. He introduced you to people who lived lives you couldn’t even imagine. And when he kissed you, when he pulled you into his orbit, it felt like stepping into a life bigger than your own.

You didn’t notice the shift at first.

Didn’t notice how the little things that made you you started slipping away, how your world slowly became about his—his career, his schedule, his needs. You told yourself it was just part of the relationship, part of loving someone like Miles. That it was normal to bend, to adjust, to let go of the things that didn’t fit anymore.

You stopped talking about the things you wanted to do—because, eventually, you started forgetting what they even were.

And then, somewhere along the way, you became his.

Not just his girlfriend, but Miles Johnson’s girlfriend. A title, a role, something people recognized before they even knew you. And you had played the part well. You were the beautiful, supportive, ever-smiling woman on his arm. The one who laughed at his jokes, who cheered for him from the stands, who let him hold court in every room while you lingered in the background.

And now, you were his fiancée.

And soon, you would be Mrs. Johnson.

And you would disappear completely.

--

Joe had never been the type to dwell on things.

His whole life had been about moving forward, about the next step, the next goal, the next game. He had always known where he was going—to the NFL, to the kind of career most people could only dream about. That had been the plan since he was a kid, and he had never once let himself get distracted from it.

College had been a blur. Not in a reckless, partying-until-dawn way—he had been too focused for that—but in the sense that everything outside of football had been… secondary. Background noise.

Yeah, he always had a girl on his arm. It wasn’t hard—he was Joe Burrow, after all. But they were never the girl. They were just there. Pretty, fun, something to fill the gaps between practices and film sessions, but never something that took up space in his mind once they were gone. He never let them.

He had bigger things to worry about.

And now, he was here.

The NFL. The dream, the destination. And he had everything he had worked for—millions in the bank, a city that worshipped him, a career that was just getting started. He was playing on the biggest stage in the world, living out every goal he had ever set for himself.

And yet.

Lately, there was something he couldn’t shake.

He wasn’t unhappy, exactly. He loved football. Loved the grind, the competition, the high of a perfect game. But there were nights—when he was alone in his place, when the buzz of the locker room had faded, when he saw his friends posting about engagements, weddings, families—when he wondered if maybe he had spent so much time chasing one dream that he hadn’t realized he might want something else, too.

Not in the I need to settle down right now way. He wasn’t miles away from that thought. But he just felt… off. Like there was something missing, something just out of reach.

And that feeling had been lingering at the edges of his mind for a while now, but he hadn’t really thought about it—hadn’t really felt it—until he met her.

She wasn’t supposed to be interesting.

He had seen plenty of women like her before—NFL girlfriends and fiancées, always perfect, always polished, always a step behind the star they were attached to. He didn’t have anything against them, but he had never given them much thought. They were part of the scenery, the expected.

But she was different.

He had noticed it the second he talked to her.

That night at the event, when everyone else had ignored her, when she had been sitting alone while Miles soaked up the attention like a sponge, Joe had been curious.

So he sat down next to her.

And the second she looked at him, he saw it—the sharpness behind her eyes, the way she was there but not present, the way she seemed to be existing in a world that had been built for her but not by her.

And she had challenged him. Not in a playful, flirty way, but in a real way. He had expected her to be polite, to give the kind of empty small talk he always got at these things.

But she had given him something real.

And now? Now he couldn’t stop thinking about her.

Not just because she was gorgeous—she was, maybe one of the most beautiful women he had ever seen—but because she was interesting.

She didn’t fit the mold. He could tell.

And maybe it was selfish, maybe it was just because he was bored with everything else, but for the first time in a long time, Joe had found someone who made him want to know more.

And he was going to figure out why.

--

You were curled up in bed, your phone the only thing keeping you company as you aimlessly scrolled. You barely heard him come in, barely looked up when Miles greeted you, his voice low and familiar. You felt the soft kiss he pressed to your neck, but your body tensed, just slightly. He didn’t notice, or maybe he chose not to.

His lips trailed lower, his hands finding their way to your waist, his voice dropping into that coaxing tone you knew all too well. “Been thinkin’ about you all day. Missed you.”

You exhaled, a slow, tired sound slipping from your lips. “Miles.”

He lingered there, waiting for more, but you didn’t give him anything. Your eyes remained on the ceiling, your phone discarded on the nightstand. You felt him nuzzle into your hair, his fingers brushing beneath the hem of your shirt, but you couldn’t bring yourself to respond. The energy between you felt… off. He asked if you were mad at him, but that wasn’t it. Not really.

You didn’t answer at first. You just pulled away, just enough to let him know that you weren’t in the mood. That you didn’t want this.

He blinked, confused, his voice softer when he tried again. “Y/N?”

But you didn’t want to deal with this now. You were tired. Exhausted, in a way that had nothing to do with sleep. “I’m just tired, Miles,” you murmured, your voice distant, but you couldn’t help it. You weren’t mad at him. You just didn’t feel like being pulled into whatever he was trying to fix tonight.

You felt him sit back, his gaze heavy on you as if he was seeing you for the first time in a while. The silence stretched between you, thick and uneasy. Then, his voice broke through it again, suggesting that maybe you should get a job, do something with yourself to feel better. It wasn’t the most thoughtful thing he’d said, and you knew that. You weren’t sure if he even meant it or if he was just trying to patch things up in the way he knew best.

You looked at him, your gaze searching, unsure if you were hearing him right. “You’d be okay with that?” you asked, needing to know if he meant what he was saying.

He shrugged, a little too casually. “Yeah. You don’t gotta, obviously. You got everything you need, but if you want somethin’ to do, I’ll support you. Whatever makes you happy, baby.”

You didn’t respond immediately. You just let his words hang in the air, feeling like he was offering something you didn’t know if you wanted. But there it was—the tiniest flicker of relief in your chest as you nodded. Maybe you were grasping at something, anything, to feel like yourself again.

He exhaled, like he’d solved something. But you knew better. There was still a gap between you, unspoken, unresolved. For now, though, you’d let it go.

--

The night is warm, thick with the scent of grilled barbecue and chlorine, laughter spilling into the air like music. The backyard is packed—players, coaches, WAGs, and staff all buzzing with the energy of a new season, of fresh starts and high expectations. The pool glows under string lights, the surface shimmering as people dip their feet in or wade lazily through the water, red Solo cups in hand.

You’re sitting at the edge of a lounge chair, your bare legs stretched out in front of you, the hem of your dress brushing your thighs as you sip from your drink. It’s been a while since you’ve felt this—light. The WAGs are in a good mood tonight, looser than usual, buzzing from the excitement of the upcoming season, from the warmth of the alcohol.

"I swear to God, if I have to listen to one more fantasy football draft strategy," one of them groans, rolling her eyes as she leans back against her chair.

"Girl, my man has a binder full of statistics. Like it’s a college thesis or some shit," another one laughs.

You giggle, shaking your head, the sound feeling foreign in your own ears. It’s been a while since you’ve been able to just be—to feel like you’re back in college, before your entire identity became wrapped around someone else’s.

And across the yard, Joe Burrow cannot stop staring at you.

He’s not even subtle about it.

His drink sits idle in his hand, elbow propped on the armrest of a patio chair, his gaze cutting across the party, locking onto you like a magnet. He watches the way your shoulders shake when you laugh, the way you tilt your head, the way your dress clings to the curves of your legs when you cross them.

"Bro, you gotta stop looking before Miles notices," Ja’Marr leans in, a lazy grin on his face.

Joe just shrugs, bringing his drink to his lips. "What’s he gonna do? Kill me?"

Ja’Marr snorts. "I mean, you are staring at his fiancée like you’re trying to solve a puzzle."

"She’s beautiful. He should know people are gonna look at her," Joe says simply, as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

Ja’Marr shakes his head, muttering something about how Joe’s got a death wish, but Joe just keeps watching.

And across the way, the WAGs notice.

"Okay, so I need you to tell me what you did to get Joe Burrow to look at you like that," one of them teases, nudging your shoulder.

Your brows furrow. "What?"

"Oh, come on," another one smirks. "That man has not taken his eyes off you for the last twenty minutes. I’m actually starting to feel bad for Miles."

Your stomach twists—not in discomfort, not in guilt, but in something else entirely. Something you haven’t felt in a long, long time.

You feel wanted.

Not in the way Miles wants you—like a prize to show off, like a thing to possess—but in the way you used to feel when you were younger, when boys would flirt with you at college parties, when someone’s gaze made you feel interesting, not just beautiful.

And it makes you feel alive.

You shake your head, laughing it off, even as your pulse picks up just a little. "You guys are imagining things."

"Oh, we definitely aren’t," one of them hums, taking a slow sip of her drink.

You glance back across the yard.

And Joe is still looking.

But this time, when your eyes meet, he doesn’t look away.

The night hums around you, a warm breeze sweeping through the backyard, making the string lights above sway gently. The scent of charred meat still lingers in the air, mixed with chlorine and expensive cologne. Laughter spills from the pool, from the deck, from the little clusters of people standing around, but none of it touches you.

Not now.

Not with him walking towards you.

Joe Burrow is moving through the crowd like he has nowhere to be, like he’s got all the time in the world to just be here, under these lights, on this night. And he’s heading straight for you.

The WAGs had just left, off to mingle with their husbands and boyfriends, leaving you alone in your chair with your mostly empty drink. You didn’t mind—being alone was something you were used to these days.

But apparently, Joe did mind.

"Need a refill?" His voice is smooth, the faintest trace of amusement in it, like he already knows the answer but just wants to hear you say it.

You glance down at your glass, condensation dripping down the sides, ice melting, barely a sip of anything left. You nod. "Yeah, actually."

He doesn’t hesitate. Just reaches out, plucks the cup from your fingers with a little smirk, and walks off toward the bar like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

You watch him go, blinking in mild disbelief.

Joe Burrow, one of the biggest names in the NFL, just walked away to get you a drink.

And God, that does something to you.

A moment later, he’s back, handing you your glass, and when your fingers brush against his, there’s a flicker of something electric, something dangerous.

You swallow and bring the drink to your lips. Cold, crisp, refreshing.

Joe drops into the chair across from you, sprawling out like he belongs there, his legs spread wide, one arm draped lazily over the back of his chair. He watches you take a sip, his gaze half-lidded, like he’s already settled in for a conversation he doesn’t plan on cutting short.

"You looked like you needed rescuing from whatever the hell they were talking about," he says, tilting his chin toward where the WAGs had been sitting earlier.

You let out a breath of laughter. "You ever heard a thirty-minute conversation about throw pillows?"

His brows raise. "Can’t say I have."

"Yeah, well, consider yourself lucky," you tease, shaking your head. "I love them, but sometimes I swear they could write dissertations on interior decorating."

Joe smirks. "And you? You an expert on throw pillows too?"

You snort. "Not even close."

"Shame," he murmurs, taking a slow sip of his own drink. "I was really hoping you’d have some strong opinions on lumbar support."

You roll your eyes. "God, shut up."

"That’s not a no," he quips, and you groan, throwing your head back.

"Fine. If you must know, I do think most decorative pillows are pointless, because you just end up throwing them off the bed or couch anyway."

Joe grins, slow and smug. "So you do have strong opinions."

You open your mouth, then close it, glaring at him. "I hate you."

His smirk deepens. "No, you don’t."

And for some reason, that makes your stomach flip.

There’s something so easy about this, about him. The way the conversation flows, the way his eyes crinkle at the edges when he’s teasing you, the way he leans in just slightly, like he’s actually interested in what you have to say, like he’s not just making conversation to fill the silence.

It’s been a long time since someone talked to you like this. Since someone made you feel interesting, not just beautiful, not just Miles’ fiancée.

And God, you must be blushing, because Joe’s eyes flick over your face, and his grin turns downright wicked.

"You’re blushing," he says, voice all silk and amusement.

You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. "No, I’m not."

"Yeah, you are," he says, leaning forward, forearms braced on his knees. "Damn, if I knew I had this effect on you, I would’ve started teasing you way earlier."

You narrow your eyes at him, but your lips are twitching, and he knows it.

"You’re insufferable."

Joe just chuckles, sitting back again, watching you over the rim of his glass. "And yet, you’re still sitting here."

And you don’t have an answer for that.

Because the truth is, you want to be here.

You want to sit in this chair, under these lights, on this warm summer night, and feel like this—like yourself, like a person, like something more than what you’ve been reduced to.

And for the first time in a long time, you don’t feel alone.

--

Miles spotted them the second Joe sat down.

At first, it was just an awareness, the way his eyes naturally gravitated toward her—like they always did in a room full of people. It was a habit, second nature, an unconscious thing. A glance, then another. But then he saw the way Joe was looking at her.

And suddenly, he wasn’t just watching. He was staring.

Something inside him, something dark and unfamiliar, curled up tight in his chest.

He wasn’t used to feeling like this.

Miles had never had to be jealous before. Never had to worry. She was his. And that had always been enough.

But now?

Now, he was watching another man sit in front of her, lean in, smirk at her like she was something to be won. And worse—so much worse—she was laughing.

Really laughing.

Not the polite, social laugh she gave when she was playing the role of his perfect wife. Not the strained, forced kind that meant she was bored but trying to be nice.

No, this was different.

This was easy, genuine.

This was the kind of laugh she used to give him.

His grip on his beer tightened, fingers pressing into the damp glass, jaw locking so hard it ached.

Joe fucking Burrow.

The golden boy. The franchise. The quarterback who could do no wrong.

And now, apparently, the asshole who thought he could sit across from Miles’ wife and flirt with her in plain fucking sight.

What pissed him off the most was that Joe didn’t even try to hide it. He wasn’t subtle, wasn’t cautious. It wasn’t the kind of half-assed flirting guys did when they were just testing the waters, unsure if she was off-limits. No, this was deliberate. This was the kind of thing that happened when a man already knew what he wanted.

And the way he was looking at her, the way he smirked every time she tried to argue with him, the way his gaze lingered on her mouth just a second too long—he wanted her.

And she was letting him.

Miles' stomach twisted, something sour curling in his throat.

Had she ever smiled at him like that in the last few months? Had she ever looked that light, that carefree, that… happy?

A flash of memory hit him—her voice, sharp and tired from their last fight.

"I just want to feel like more than your fucking wife, Miles."

His throat tightened.

Because fuck, he knew he hadn’t been perfect. He knew things had been off between them, knew she wanted more, needed more.

But was this it?

Was this what she needed?

Some other man’s attention? Some other man making her blush, making her tuck her hair behind her ear like she was some shy, sweet little thing who wasn’t married?

He set his beer down a little too hard on the table beside him, the sound loud in his ears.

"Man, you good?" Tee asked, glancing at him.

Miles barely heard him.

Joe was leaning forward again, resting his elbows on his knees, his voice low, saying something that made her shake her head, biting her lip like she was trying not to laugh.

And Miles saw red.

He had never—never—felt something like this before.

He wasn’t that guy. He wasn’t the jealous type.

He never had to be.

She’d always been his. And no one had ever challenged that. No one had ever looked at her and thought they had a chance because they didn’t.

But here Joe was. Sitting there, flirting with her like Miles didn’t even fucking exist.

And Miles hated him for it.

"Yo," Tee said again, nudging him. "What’s up?"

Miles’ hands curled into fists.

"Burrow," he muttered, eyes still locked on the scene in front of him.

Tee followed his line of sight, then let out a low whistle. "Damn," he said, shaking his head. "He really don’t give a fuck, huh?"

No. He didn’t.

And that was the problem.

Because Joe fucking Burrow wasn’t scared of him.

He wasn’t worried about stepping on toes, wasn’t concerned about boundaries.

Because in his mind?

Miles didn’t matter.

And that?

That was fucking unacceptable.

--

You don’t notice Miles at first.

Not really.

You’re too caught up in the moment, in the way Joe makes it so easy to talk, to laugh. It’s been so long since you’ve had a conversation like this—one that isn’t about game schedules or dinner plans or how many charity events you have lined up for the season.

But then Joe’s eyes flicker up for half a second, and you know.

You know before you even turn around.

Miles is standing there, casual as anything, beer in hand, that unreadable half-smirk on his face. He’s trying to play it cool, you can tell, but you know him. You know the sharp edge of his jaw when he’s holding something back, the way his fingers tap against his bottle when he’s annoyed.

"Looks like you two are having fun," he says, voice light, teasing.

You open your mouth, but Joe beats you to it.

"Yeah," he says easily. "She’s good company."

Miles’ smirk twitches, just a little, just enough for you to notice.

"That right?"

Joe just grins. He knows exactly what he’s doing.

Miles shifts his weight slightly, adjusting his grip on his beer, then turns to you. "We should get going."

You blink. "What? Why?"

He shrugs like it’s no big deal, like he hadn’t just interrupted your conversation. "It’s late."

You frown. "It’s not that late."

Miles looks at you for a long second, then smiles. "You wanna stay?"

"Yeah, I do."

Joe leans back in his chair, clearly enjoying every second of this. "Can’t blame her," he says with a smirk. "It’s a good party."

Miles doesn’t look at him, just keeps his eyes on you. "One of your friends was looking for you," he says, smooth and easy. "Said they needed to talk."

You hesitate. "Who?"

He just shrugs again, taking a sip of his drink. "Not sure. But they seemed like it was important."

You glance between him and Joe, feeling something heavy settle in your stomach. You know what Miles is doing. He’s giving you an out, a way to leave without making a scene.

And part of you wants to fight him on it.

But the other part?

The other part just sighs.

"Okay," you say eventually, standing up. "I’ll go find them."

Joe watches you go, and just before you’re out of earshot, you hear him chuckle.

"You really don’t like me, huh?" he says, and you don’t have to turn around to know that Miles is seething.

Miles doesn’t answer Joe right away.

He just stares.

And for the first time in his life, Joe watches a man who’s always been effortlessly self-assured hesitate. Miles Johnson, the guy who’s never questioned a damn thing in his life, the guy who walks into every room like he owns it, the guy who doesn’t lose—he’s standing there, jaw tight, grip flexing around the neck of his beer bottle, seething.

Because this isn’t just about some guy flirting with his girl.

This is about Joe Burrow flirting with his girl.

Joe, who has everything Miles does. Joe, who isn’t just some backup wide receiver on the depth chart but the quarterback, the golden boy, the face of the team. If it were some random guy, Miles wouldn’t even be thinking twice about it. But Joe? That’s different.

Joe has already been given the world, and now—now he’s looking at his girl like he has a shot at taking that, too.

Miles lets out a breath through his nose, tilting his head slightly. "You think this shit is funny?"

Joe just smiles. "Kinda, yeah."

Miles’ jaw clenches.

"You got something to say, man?"

Joe takes his time leaning forward, resting his forearms on his knees, beer dangling from his fingers. "Me? Nah. I think you already know what I’m thinking."

Miles steps closer.

The tension is thick, crackling, and Joe—Joe just sits there, cool as ever, because he lives for this shit. He’s spent his whole life on a football field, has stared down 300-pound linemen trying to rip his head off, has played in stadiums so loud he couldn't even hear his own thoughts, and this?

This is just funny.

"You got a problem with me, Miles?" Joe finally asks, voice easy, relaxed.

Miles doesn’t answer. Because yeah, maybe he does have a problem with Joe.

And Joe fucking knows it.

And just when it looks like Miles might actually say something, Ja’Marr appears like he’s got some kind of internal alarm for bad ideas.

"Hey, hey, hey," Ja’Marr says, stepping between them before anything can go further. "What the hell is goin’ on over here?"

Joe leans back, grinning like nothing happened. "Nothing."

Miles scoffs. "Yeah," he mutters, rolling his shoulders like he’s shaking something off. "Nothing."

Ja’Marr looks between them, clearly not believing that for a second. "Right."

Miles exhales sharply, trying to regain some control of the situation. He looks back at Joe, his voice measured. "Look, I don’t know what kinda game you think you’re playing, but let me make one thing clear—she’s mine."

Joe just tilts his head. "No one’s arguing that."

"You sure?" Miles asks, voice low.

Joe just lifts a shoulder. "One hundred percent."

Miles stares at him, trying to read between the lines, trying to see if Joe is bullshitting him, and Joe gives him nothing. Just a calm, neutral expression.

Joe finally sighs, running a hand through his hair like this whole thing is just exhausting for him. "Look, bro, you got nothing to worry about," he says, and his voice is so assured, so calm, that for a second, Miles wants to believe him. "Focus on your season, your career. You’re a lucky man. No one’s trying to step on your toes."

He even throws in a little bro-code for good measure, because that’s what guys like Miles eat up.

And just like that—Miles relaxes. Not completely, but enough that he lets it go.

"Good," he mutters after a long moment.

Joe nods, casual as anything, and then Miles finally—finally—walks away.

Ja’Marr watches him go, then turns back to Joe.

"That was some bullshit," he says.

Joe just grins. "Yeah. But he bought it, didn’t he?"

The drive home is quiet.

Not the kind of quiet that feels peaceful, but the kind that makes your skin prickle, the kind that sits heavy in the air, thick with something unsaid.

You’re still in a good mood. You can feel it in the way your body is still buzzing slightly, the aftereffects of laughter and good conversation. For the first time in a long time, you’d felt light. Like the version of yourself that existed before all of this—before the responsibilities, before the expectations, before you became someone’s wife—had peeked through the cracks of who you’ve had to become.

And Miles hates it.

He doesn’t say anything, but you feel it. The weight of his stare on the road, the way his grip on the wheel is just a little too tight. He’s never been good at masking his emotions, never been the type to hide his displeasure. You learned that early on.

When you get home, you don’t even make it to your bedroom before he speaks.

"So," Miles says, leaning against the kitchen counter, watching you with an expression that isn’t outright anger, but something close to it. "You had fun tonight."

It’s not a question.

You pause, placing your purse on the counter carefully, your heartbeat just slightly picking up. "Yeah," you say slowly, hesitantly. "It was nice to be around everyone before the season starts."

He hums. There’s something unreadable in his gaze, something calculating, and you don’t like it.

"You and Joe seemed to be having fun," he continues.

And there it is.

Your stomach twists—not in guilt, but in frustration.

"Don’t do that," you say, turning fully to face him now. "Don’t make it into something it wasn’t."

Miles tilts his head, his mouth twisting like he’s the one who should be annoyed. "Make it into something?" he repeats, letting out a sharp little laugh. "Baby, I was there. I saw it."

You inhale deeply through your nose. "Saw what?"

Miles scoffs, pushing off the counter, stepping closer. "You really want me to spell it out for you?"

Your jaw clenches. "Yes, actually, I do. Because from where I was sitting, all I did was have a conversation, and now you’re acting like—"

"Like what?" he cuts in. His voice isn’t raised, but there’s a sharp edge to it, a barely restrained irritation. "Like I didn’t have to sit there and watch my wife giggle at another man’s jokes? Like I didn’t have to watch him look at you like he was thinking about shit he shouldn’t be thinking about?"

You let out a sharp, incredulous laugh. "That’s what this is about? Because someone looked at me?"

Miles exhales sharply, running a hand down his face. "No, this is about you letting him."

Your stomach drops.

There it is.

The shift. The moment where he stops being annoyed at the situation and starts being annoyed at you.

Your hands clench at your sides. "I can’t control how people look at me, Miles."

He takes another step forward, closing the distance, voice lowering. "But you can control how you react to it."

You stare at him, searching his face for the man you used to know, the one who once made you feel like you were the center of his world.

"I didn’t do anything wrong," you say, and you hate the way your voice comes out softer, like you're trying to convince him.

Miles exhales, and for a second, he just looks at you.

And then—he sighs.

It’s long and dramatic, and he runs a hand down his face, shaking his head. "You’re right," he finally says, and it’s so sudden that it almost gives you whiplash. "You didn’t do anything wrong."

Your brows knit together in confusion.

"I—I didn’t?"

He steps forward again, hands landing on your waist now, pulling you closer. "No, baby," he murmurs, his voice shifting, softening. "I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have made you feel like you did."

Your brain is scrambling to catch up.

"You—" you swallow. "You just—"

"I know, I know," he sighs again, dropping his forehead to yours. "God, I hate fighting with you."

You exhale shakily. The tension that had built up in your chest doesn’t fully leave, but it starts to shift.

Because this is the part where he fixes it.

The part where he pulls you into his arms, presses his lips to your forehead, and makes it okay.

"You know I just—I just love you so much," he murmurs, pressing kisses along your jaw, your neck. "And I see someone else getting your attention, even for a second, and I just—I don’t know, baby, I just lose it."

You close your eyes. Your hands move to rest on his chest out of habit. "Miles—"

"Shh," he hums, lips brushing your ear now. "I forgive you, okay?"

Your breath catches.

"You forgive me?"

He kisses you before you can say anything else.

And that’s how he does it.

That’s how he wins.

Because somehow, you’ve gone from defending yourself to being the one who is forgiven.

And the worst part?

You let him.

[tsuyalovebot]

certified mind blower.

explicit sexual content. mdni, ageless blogs dni.

xia yi zhou / caleb x reader. (repost)

cw. drabble (~1k wc, written in one sitting. ignore any typos). afab reader. established relationship. oral sex (reader receiving). face sitting. caleb spanks you once. improper use of evol. mentions of unprotected sex & creampie. spitting (he pushes his spit into you. deadass). use of pipsqueak. caleb typical warnings (he's a filthy freak, to no one's surprise). 

mimi's missive: your honor, i have no defense for this one. anyway, it's me again; happy belated valentines. take this while i work on my full-length caleb piece; "this" being total filth. also i reposted this because i noticed way too many errors the first time i posted it. enjoy.

you're watching caleb wash the dishes when you say, "i want to sit on your face tonight."

or, one night, just before bedtime, you tell caleb that you want to try face sitting. 

he was fidgeting the entire time, no matter how calm and gentle he tried to appear while the two of you went over the details. you had no idea if he was nervous because he might end up not liking it, or because he might like it too much. 

(little did you know, he was trying his reaaal hardest to not bust a nut the second you proposed it. would caleb ever admit it? no. absolutely not. he's gotta appear cool in front of you, after all. maybe he would own up to it though, after it's all over.) 

but later that night, while he's tonguing you with that lithe, pink muscle in such a delicious, mind-boggling manner, something is piqued and it isn't your interest. your eyebrows raise with every calculated lick over the crevices, the folds, smooth with spit.

he's kind of a natural at this.

the fingers in his hair now belong to you just as much as the rest of him. "you're weirdly good at this. are you sure you've never tried this with anyone else?" 

it wasn't intended to come off insecure; you tried to deliver it as nonchalant as possible whilst your fingers were busy in his hair. 

he knows better though. caleb peers up at you with those stupidly beady eyes—now, however, they were droopy with a deeply rooted contentment. you feel him smile, loopy, drunk on your flavor. you wonder if he'd willingly let himself be suffocated under your body weight like this.

"hmm?" 

the vibrations would make any person's toes curl, traitorous thighs flexing around his head. the idiot moans in unabashed approval, low and shameless as he keeps his eyes on you. 

one large palm of his takes a greedily handful of your ass, and smacks. hot air is breathed out over your skin, his tongue flat against the tender flesh, drinking up the flood of arousal that soaked your labia. 

"questionin' my loyalty after all these years? when i've got my mouth full of you? i'm wounded," he dryly replies. despite his words, he doesn't sound mad at all. more pleased, if anything, undoubtedly by the way it fed his ego. 

you huff, bottom lip jutting out.  "well, you seem plenty experienced—"

"eh, not really."

caleb's adjusting the position with a tight, guiding grip so you weren't fully seated down on him. blowing onto the perky, swollen hood at the apex of your core. enamored, he was drinking in every groove and fold of your bare sex. embarrassment creeps up your spine with a vengeance so violent, you nearly bolt. 

he muses quietly, "dreams will never compare to the real thing." 

"what're you—"

"ah-ah-ah. talk later. also, weirdly good? what's your basis for comparison, huh?"

caleb pulls you back down, groaning hotly as the taste floods his palate. the ravenous glitter in those smoldering lilac eyes reduce him into something primal, wanting to satiate his most base needs. and that was only possible through you. 

and you're keening above him, hands frantically holding onto the headboard in a series of breathless gasps. it's cute; it makes him internally cheese at his effect on you. unfortunately, you don't seem to share the same sentiment, because you're promptly trying to get off of his head as your stomach tenses.

"caleb," you moan, and some branch of his sanity snaps clean off. 

it shatters when you absentmindedly grind your hips, fucking dragging the folds of your cunt up his chin, lips, nudging his nose, leaving a trail of your slick and his spit on his face. 

a plea from you, "wait, it's too direct—"

shrapnels of iridescent midnight and scarlet spark around your hips, fireworks in the palm of your hands. it takes a moment to register, but he devours the transformation of your expression nonetheless. the dazed look, the confusion, the realization. 

and caleb's the picture boy of arrogance as he activates his evol, forcing you to stay in position. the indignation that sparks in your body is only minimized by the thick, sweet moisture that drips onto his chin, one he's eager to lap up, the ambrosia honeyed in the back of his throat.

the world was truly cruel for ever trying to separate the both of you.

"since when did i say you could move? you can't just get up and leave me here, pipsqueak. surely, you aren't cruel enough to deny me some bonding with you." 

the tip of his tongue dips into the soft hole of your sex, curling experimentally. air humming around your bodies, one arm curled over your thigh, the other hand snaking around to smooth over your chest as he spells his name into your cunt. 

c-a-l-e-b. 

then in morse code, dragged out lines and probes. 

then his last name. 

and m-i-n-e.

"if signing papers at work was as easy as this, i'd have more allies than i have enemies." he hums in satisfaction, utterly lovesick as he drags his sticky lips up to suck on your clitoris, savoring the way your muscles tense and quiver in anticipation of your climbing orgasm. he can't wait to taste that.

"you're just as mouthy down here as you are up there, y'know," he comments, eyelids crinkling into crescent moons. as if he didn't say something so profoundly lewd that it'd make any sex enthusiast blush. 

"you must really like talking to me more than you let on." 

he plants a smooch over your drooling entrance, affectionate, as if it'd silence the little squelching noises it made with every slow contraction of your inner muscles. 

contemplation solidifies into surety on his handsome face, his hungry eyes turning into something more tangy, more mischievous. the crackles of his evol warp around you. 

you get the sudden, immense feeling that you're in for it. that you're in danger.

he presses his mouth up to your core, stare intent and full of a love so potent you think you're gonna be sick. "do you think if i come inside, it'll swallow just like you do?"

the air leaves your lungs. you wheeze, "caleb—"

"you'd let me test it, right?" he asks, voice softened by the need edging behind it. "you're always so good. you'd let me, wouldn't you?"

before you could retort on how he was asking so many questions, you're suddenly being flipped. the world spins, and you mistakenly take it as the end of the entire damn universe, squeezing your eyes shut as wind lashes at your skin and your back hits the cushion. 

when you open them, you're kind of bent. upper body splayed on the bedspread, your lower body awkwardly held up by caleb's arms — thighs still snug on either side of his head. now, he's urgently tucking pillows underneath your hips, angling you up, smearing another kiss onto your cunt. everything done with such fluidity, not an ounce of struggle in his taut, muscular form. 

then he spits, and you flinch. before you could even ask what the hell he was doing, he buries his face into you, tongue shamelessly pushing and pulsing against your spasming pussy — letting his spittle pool in there like a filthy brand. heat boils in your lower belly, burning your skin and you're clenching before you could think it through.

"fuck," he whispers. the rare curse slipping like a prayer from his swollen lips, awe heavy in his inflection. "you really drank it up." 

was the bedroom always this hot?

caleb, once so composed and the epitome of restraint, appeared voracious from this position. and the sight of your cunt squeezing around air, pulling the webbed mixture of his saliva and your arousal into the sinful cradle of your walls. 

gravity is the coil of a snake around your body, and you're the very fruit he's craved. caleb hums, thoughtful and pleased, just before diving back in, "let's find out."

[organic-bloodbath]

Knife Princess - Part 3

Chishiya x Reader

Summary: You and Chishiya spend another day together, separated from others, when you decide to need a nice little shower. Chishiya explores his feelings towards you a bit more.

Warnings: 18+ smut. Minors get tf out 👉🏻🚪

A/N: Just something a little angsty and smutty. I don't know how much time has passed since the Beach so i'm just making it up.

Part 1 ♡ Part 2

♤♡♧◇

The King of Diamonds - Beauty Contest

Chishiya sat at a table, his body locked on the chair so he wouldn't be able to stand up and leave. There were a few other players as well seated similarly to Chishiya.

When he had heard the rules and learned one crucial thing, he was extremely relieved that you hadn't participated the game with him.

There could be only one winner. Only one of the players would leave this room alive. Either Chishiya or one of the others. He wouldn't want to even imagine the situation in his mind where you would have claimed one of the other chairs around the table.

There was a one woman sitting at the table on her own seat. Chishiya imagined you at that same spot, and he felt sick in his stomach. If he had to watch you die from your entire body being melted by acid, he was sure it would take a long time to recover from the sight. Maybe he would even lose on purpose – he already had little will to live either way.

The sight of a body melting by acid was a horrific sight in general but it was easier when he had no emotional connection to any of the players here.

Thinking about it now, you had added one more reason to live for him. He wanted to live for you.

♤♡♧◇

"What was the game like?" you asked as Chishiya returned to you. He only looked at you without saying anything. You weren't sure if you only imagined it, but he looked a little... sad? It was only a slight difference on his face now, so you probably just imagined it.

You were about to say something when he didn't respond until, out of nowhere, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a hug. You were taken aback, not being prepared to any extra physical affection from Chishiya, so you didn't manage to hug him back right away.

"Hey, what happened?" you asked, brows furrowed. He had never initiated a hug to you and now he was hugging you so tightly as if he was never going to see you again after this moment. "Chishiya, what-"

"Nothing," he answered quickly as he pulled back and cleared his throat awkwardly. "It was an easy game."

"Um, are you sure that-"

"What have you been up to?" he interrupted you. He was acting oddly, that was for sure.

"Oh, well, nothing much. Walked around and searched for food mostly," you explained. "I started to regret not participating the game as well though."

"No, it's okay," he rushed to say. "It's better that i went there alone."

"If you say so." You kept examining his face with narrowed eyes for a moment, thinking if you should question his behavior further but decided to just drop it. "Anyway, while you were gone i made us food." You had now an excited and proud smile on your face.

Chishiya looked at the meal you had prepared for the two of you.

"What is that?"

"It's rabbit."

"You caught a rabbit all by yourself and cooked it?" Chishiya asked, first not believing what he was seeing.

"Why do you sound so surprised?" you asked, eyebrows lifted and arms crossed, sounding almost offended. "I'm able to take care of myself, thank you very much."

"And i don't doubt you at all," Chishiya promised, a hint of smile on his face. One thing he liked about you was how you managed to surprise him over and over again.

"You better not," you threatened and handed him his plate. "Now eat before it gets cold."

Chishiya took a bite, and it tasted better than he expected.

"Hm. You'll have to cook for me more often," he smiled.

"I'm not going to become a housewife to you," you stated seriously.

"I would never dare to suggest that to someone with knives in her boots," he said, throwing his hands in the air as a sign of surrender.

"Good, you're learning."

♤♡♧◇

"You know," you said couple of hours later, approaching Chishiya. "When i was hunting for the rabbit, i found a lake not far from here."

"Mhm?"

"Do you think we could go to wash ourselves there?" you asked. "Well, me atleast, you don't have to if you don't want, obviously. The water looked clean and clear enough."

"Really?"

"I haven't showered properly since the Beach, i'm starting to feel really disgusting," you said, scrunching your nose. "Is it alright to go swimming, you know, with my leg and all?"

Truth to be told, Chishiya craved for a good shower too to freshen himself up but there was none available besides a lake. The wound in your leg and shoulder hadn't entirely healed yet, it had been a little over a week, closer to two probably, since you left the Beach. Both of you had lost the track of time, not counting the days anymore. Chishiya wasn't entirely sure how long you should wait until going swimming. He was afraid of your wounds getting infected in the water, but they looked healthy at the moment.

You could see the unsure expression on Chishiya's face.

"Pleaseee," you pleaded. "I really, really need a shower."

"Alright, let's go to check it out."

The lake was in quite a remote area, half surrounded by a high cliff which was covered by a deep forest – atleast what you could see from down here. The water looked clear enough.

"Alright, don't be too long," Chishiya told you.

"I'll be fast i promise," you said and rolled your eyes.

"Meet me here when you're done."

There was a large rock dividing the lake in two, allowing you and Chishiya clean yourself in peace without having to see each other. Even though Chishiya had seen you naked before many times, you still preferred to wash yourself without anyone else seeing you, having your own privacy.

You stripped from your clothes completely and dived into the water. It was cold, but not too cold that you couldn't swim in it for a while. It felt rather refreshing.

The last time you showered really was at the Beach, and you missed the feel of the water on your skin so much. You knew that the first thing you'd do when you'd finally get back home was to take a long, relaxing bath.

You leaned back against the rock when you had scrubbed on yourself enough, the rock's harsh surface scratching your skin.

After a few more minutes, you decided to go back to dry yourself. You didn't pay attention what was on the ground as you walked forward, and you soon stepped on something hard and sharp, throbbing pain radiating on the bottom of your foot.

"Fucking hell," you let out a loud scream and held your injured foot in your hand, standing now only on one foot. There was no blood, but whatever it had been you stepped on would surely leave a nasty bruise on your foot anyway.

"Y/N?" Chishiya said, his sudden voice startling you so badly you ended up losing balance, falling under the water.

You had exactly tried to avoid your hair from getting wet, but it was now completely soaked. You felt a hand on your arm pulling you up and reached the surface again.

Chishiya stood in front of you, wide eyes filled with concern. Chishiya glanced at your naked figure but he quickly turned his look away and cleared his throat. You could see his cheeks turn slightly pink - only a little, but the blush was still there. You didn't understand how the sight of your bare body still managed to fluster Chishiya, and neither did he.

"Is everything okay? I heard you screaming," he asked, locking his eyes with you. He was still naked as well, the water hiding his lower body. You wouldn't deny that seeing his bare chest alone always made your stomach feel funny.

"Oh, um. I just hurt my foot a little. Stepped on something," you said quietly. You saw him getting worried, so you quickly continued. "It doesn't bleed or leave any open wound, so don't worry about it."

I worry about you every day, Chishiya thought in his mind, but didn't say it outloud.

"Are you sure? You didn't twist an ankle or anything?"

"Everything's fine, i promise," you assured him, giving a smile which was supposed to make him believe your words, but you knew your face betrayed you. Your foot hurt so damn much right now it would be too tender to step on.

"Are you ready to get out of the water?" Chishiya asked carefully.

You nodded, but right then you heard rapid shooting somewhere. The exact same sound you had heard already before.

The King of Spades was in the forest next to you, up the high cliff – you didn't see him, but it must be him for sure. Right? Who else could it be? You winced and instantly leaned your back against the rock, the forest staying on the opposite side. Without further thinking, Chishiya stepped next to you and wrapped his arms around your body, keeping you against him. He pulled you down under the water until the water almost hit your jaw.

"The forest is up on the cliff, if we just stay behind this rock for a while, he won't see us," Chishiya whispered, as your body was shaking. You weren't sure if it was because of fear, the temperature of the water as the day was slowly turning into the evening or both.

"Are you sure?" you whispered.

"Yes. I promise."

Something exploded, far away from you, and it was followed by more shooting. Chishiya put his hand on your hair, pressing your head against the crook of his neck. He was right there protecting you. You were safe with him, of course you were. He would never let anything bad happen to you.

You didn't remember the moment when you had started trusting your entire life in Chishiya's hands. But here you were, clinging on him feeling like if you let go of him, the King would spot you right away and blow your head in pieces.

You had closed your eyes and hadn't realised when it had become completely quiet again. After the silence had lasted for atleast five minutes, Chishiya let go of you, but kept his hand on your shoulder.

"Is it really safe to go back?" you whispered, afraid if you were going to speak too loudly the King was going to come back.

"We can't stay in the water forever," Chishiya reminded you, and of course you knew that. Your fingertips already started to look like white raisins too.

"Right," you mumbled.

"Hey," Chishiya said and lifted your head by his finger under your chin. "You'll be safe with me til the end."

"I know," you nodded.

You were already on your way, leaving the water first, when you heard people talking somewhere in the direction where you had just come from, coming closer to the lake.

"Shit, shit, shit," you whispered and rushed back to the water where you had previously been, crashing on Chishiya who was coming right behind you.

"What's wrong?" Chishiya asked, furrowing his brows when you returned in such a hurry, pulling him to the place you had stood just a second ago.

"There's people over there, i'm not going to go there showing off my bare body," you gritted between your teeth, arms hiding your breasts.

"People? How many?"

"I don't know, i heard a few different voices. I didn't directly see them but they were close."

Now Chishiya heard them too. Surely they weren't going to stay long. The voices belonged to men too, so even a stronger reason for you to keep hiding behind the rock. You had been sure that it would be safe to stay here for a moment since it seemed to be quite a remote area. You hadn't met anyone else after the Hearts game, so why did it have to be now?

On the outside, Chishiya seemed and looked like his usual calm and collected self, but on the inside? His heart was beating fast and he had to try to control his breathing harder than normally. He was suddenly terrified of the King appearing so close to you in such a vulnerable moment.

When he had held you in his arms a moment ago, the feel of your bare skin against his had been driving him crazy. It was nothing new, but still it flustered him every time.

Nobody could deny that you were gorgeous, absolutely stunning. Chishiya hoped that you knew it too already, because he didn't dare to say it outloud. You were beautiful, no matter how much dirt or sweat you were in. He wanted to hold you again and now keep you in his arms much longer. He only was afraid to admit it to you – and more to himself.

"Y/N," he said your name outloud, quietly. He wasn't sure what he wanted to say to you as you only waited in the water for a while doing nothing. You had been quiet for a moment, and he just needed to hear your voice to make sure you were still with him, even though he could see you next to him, your shoulders only an inch apart from each other.

"Yes?" you asked, looking at him in the eyes. He didn't answer for a few seconds, only stared at you in awe, although you couldn't tell what he was actually feeling inside. He had always been one of the hardest people to read.

"Can you show me your foot?" he figured out to ask. Your eyes widened.

"What?"

"The one you hurt," he specified. "I need to know that you weren't lying to me and only belittled your injury."

"I do not belittle anything," you scoffed, but you knew that you tended to do that sometimes quite easily.

"Yes, you do," he said.

After a while of thinking, you leaned your back fully on the rock, lifting your foot above the water, careful not to expose anything else than your leg.

He took your foot in his hands, which tickled a little bit. You were a really ticklish person.

"Okay, it's going to leave a bruise, but it'll heal," he concluded.

"I told you, doctor know-it-all," you teased and gently pushed his shoulder with your foot, making him almost fall back a little but he kept his balance better than you would have. He rolled his eyes but you could see a slight smile on his face.

"I'm just making sure you're not secretly bleeding out," he stated.

"If i was, you'd have to carry me to the shore so i wouldn't hurt my foot even worse," you teased.

"I'd do anything i'd need to keep you safe," he said and suddenly he was surprisingly close to you, like the water was making his body automatically float towards you. "And to be fair, i've already done it before so i could do it again."

"Mhm, if you say so," you kept teasing him and bit your lip. Truthfully, you didn't doubt even a second anymore he couldn't do anything that was needed in certain situations. You liked teasing him though and make him defend himself.

Neither of you knew how you had ended up so close to each other, mere inches between your faces. You drowned in each others eyes, his eyes glancing at your lips. You knew that if he was going to kiss you, you weren't going to stop him.

"What? Do i have something on my face?" you asked playfully and lifted your left eyebrow.

"Actually, you have something on your hair." Chishiya picked up a piece of seaweed off your head and threw it to the water. You hadn't even realised your hair had grabbed something from the water as you had fallen underwater.

"Was that all?"

Chishiya brushed your hair, and you weren't sure if he was genuinely searching for more seaweed or if he just didn't want to stop touching your head and face.

Your mind was screaming at him to kiss you already but your mouth wouldn't let out a sound.

"That was all," he concluded. His hand brushed your cheek as he was withdrawing his hand off your face, but you quickly grabbed his wrist and pressed his hand on your cheek when his fingers were still slightly hovering over your skin.

Chishiya looked surprised, but didn't force his hand away from you. Your eyes lingered on his lips for longer than you intended and you had to start rapidly blinking to get them to look somewhere else - anywhere else.

Without a second thought, Chishiya cupped your face with both of his hands now and pressed his lips on yours. You instantly put your arms around his neck, in such a haze that you didn't even realise how your breasts were pressing tightly against his chest. Chishiya let out a gasp for this feel on his skin, giving you a chance to sneak your tongue inside his mouth. The kiss was rushed and hungry, like both of your lips had been waiting for this moment for weeks, now finally being able to let go and feel free, even though it hadn't been more than two days since your last time like this.

Chishiya moved his hands on your back, bringing the other lower right above your waistline, bringing you even closer against him so that your bodies were fully pressed on each other. You had stopped thinking and just wanted to feel every inch of him, everything you were able to.

Chishiya was savoring you like it was your last day on this planet. As if you'd be instantly gone when you'd get out of this lake.

Eventually you had to stop when you ran out of breath. You pulled your face back, but only so far that the tip of your noses were slightly touching each other.

The voices in the background had quieted completely that you were sure you had been left alone by whoever had been near the lake, but you didn't want to let go of him. He didn't loosen his grip on your waist either, since you didn't back off.

"I suppose it's safe to go back now," Chishiya whispered, his breath hot against your skin.

You could feel that he had become hard against your thigh, and you were so aroused right now that you didn't want to do anything than to get him inside you. You put your hand on his cheek, caressing his skin with your thumb.

"I think we should continue this somewhere... dryer?" Chishiya asked slowly, but a slight challenge in his eyes.

"I've never done it in a lake, though," you whispered, slightly grinding your hips against him, making him grunt under his breath. You were making this extremely hard for him to resist.

"Tempting," he admitted, slightly amused. "But I'm still worried about your leg so i won't keep you here any longer," he stated. "Come on."

"You should stop being worried about me for a moment, you know."

Never, Chishiya thought.

♤♡♧◇

When you had arrived back inside your tent, Chishiya didn't manage to say a word before you cupped his face, pulling him into a passionate and needy kiss. He didn't hesitate a moment longer, pushing you gently to lay on your back, crawling on top of you. He moved his lips on your neck, making marks on your skin.

"Shiya, i need you," you mumbled, your hand on the back of his neck. "Stop wasting my time and put yourself inside me already."

Chishiya smirked. "As you wish."

He positioned himself against you and without another warning, slowly pushed himself inside you, making you to let out a loud gasp. He was still for a moment, letting you adjust, until you gave him the sign to move.

Your nails were digging deeper on his shoulder blades, and you wrapped your legs tightly around his waist. He let out muffled grunts and moans against your neck between the kisses he was peppering on your skin.

"Fuck, oh my god, keep going," you whispered, both of you were just a moaning mess.

Chishiya was gentler now than before – not fucking you roughly, but making gentle love to you. Right now, it was exactly the perfect pace you wanted. Needed. You were in complete ecstacy, like you were every time he touched you.

You felt like he handled you even a little too gently, as if he was afraid he'd break you if he went too fast or put too much pressure or weight on you. It was different than before, more... loving?

"I'm close, i'm so close," you whimpered and bit your lip as you felt climax reaching you soon.

"Me too, love," Chishiya mumbled, cupping your cheek and kissing your lips, pushing his tongue inside your mouth. Neither of you had noticed the nickname leaving Chishiya's lips, not even Chishiya himself.

You came almost at the same time, holding each other like both of you were scared the other would float away if you didn't hold them hard enough.

"God, i'm tired to even move anymore," you mumbled and closed your eyes just for a second as Chishiya rolled to lay down next to you.

"And you wanted to do that in a lake," he smirked.

"That's why i have you to correct my ideas," you chuckled.

He pulled you into his warm embrace without another word.

"Chishiya," you whispered.

"Hm?"

"Are you sure everything's alright?" you asked, turning your head to look into his eyes, trying to find any signs of him lying to you.

"Of course," he answered, furrowing his brows. "Why do you ask that?"

"I don't know. You've just seemed a little... i don't know, different after the Diamonds game."

"I'm fine," he promised.

"Hm, alright."

It didn't take too long for you to fall asleep, your head on Chishiya's chest, hand against his ribs.

Chishiya looked at your sleeping figure against him, and he couldn't shake one specific thought out of his mind.

If you had participated in the Diamonds game earlier, he wouldn't have you sleeping with him here right at that moment. He wouldn't feel your warm body against him. Chishiya put his hand against your head, brushing your hair a little to feel that you really were there.

Alive and well.

Chishiya didn't like that feeling inside of him. He had never felt like this about anyone before he got to know you. Afraid to lose someone and to care so much.

♤♡♧◇

A/N: Lmk if you want to be added to the taglist or taken out of the list 🫶🏻 Leave a comment and like if you enjoyed this piece ❤️

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[kwondotcom]

hana— in our first ever conversation, i divulged to you that i've thought of elevatory at least once a week since i first read it. the reason why it took me a bit of time to do a proper rb is because i had annotated it on my second read, needed to take a min to breathe, and ended up only revisiting it now while clearing drafts/my tbr. so, here it is now on read #3!!! THIS WILL NOT BE THE LAST READ (THREAT)

tl;dr one of my favorite pieces of soonyoung writing. the premise in itself is probably the most unique i've seen in a long time, and it just drives me so insane to see such a well-done exes plot. spoilers under the cut. <3

WHAT A KILLER FIRST LINE. an actual art form, really, to have u hook line and sinker in the first sentence!

knew as early as this part that i'd be in for a wild ride. it's very telling of a post-break up sentiment, and it's a stellar set up for the MC's mindset.

there's a lot to love here. the touch of "nine now, but who's counting", the call back of "God hates you" and just. soonyoung's trying to make the most of it. oomf. because of course kwon soony would jump at this opportunity, would try to make small talk w/someone he's been no contact with. it's just his style, and it leads in well to the rest of the story. the next paragraph is actual pure gold: "- sad puppy, you've nicknamed it," following the description of soony as an open book. vicious and accurate read. goes really well with the descriptiveness of this:

(aha. i'm on to you, MC. you can say what you want, but at the end of the day, you can still read him. you still know him.)

i'm more than a little obsessed at a tactless soony + jeonghan, of course, inadvertently being the one at the crime scene.

the first part is already a punch in the gut in itself— the acknowledgement of their differences, serving as a bit of a gravity that explains how the two have acted so far. think the wrong side of magnets clinking against e/o lol. but what amazes me is how hana manages to manifest is a couple of sentences later. soony who winces, who is still obviously pained by his ala-taylor swift the moment i knew moment (i don't even want to think too much of the forgotten birthday scene or i will cry) vs. mc who's 'not sure why [you're] trying to reassure him'.

i said i don't want of the birthday flashback, but it must be said. this fucking line? shot to the chest and i'm in love with the shooter (hana). sighs.

[CAR CRASH] [GLASS SHATTERING] [EXPLOSION] “OH MY GOD” [BABY CRYING] “WAAAHH WAHH” [YELLING] “HELP MEE” [POLICE SIRENS] WEE WOO WEE WOEOO [YELLING] [HELICOPTERS] ‘WE’RE REPORTING LIVE-‘ [EXPLOSION] ‘MY LEG… MY LEG!!’ [BABY CRYING] “AHFUCKK SOMEONE HELP US” [REPORTER REPORTING] oh, this got got me. something about the intimacy of a name, so deceptively simple, and soony feeling the weight of the moment :") man.

this is my favorite flashback scene (and the eventual conclusion 'tried so hard/neither of you tried hard enough) for a lot of reasons. on one hand, there's something my friends and i call the burden of knowledge, which is something i feel jeonghan is vouchsafed in this scene. he's the one who hears out why MC wants to break up with soony, who talks her through it. "little things add up." my god, what a simple truth. part of why i adore elevatory so much— aside from being a study of form, an entire story told in a one-act that no one else besides hana could pull off— is because of the way it aches. it doesn't cut, like some stories might. it doesn't scar. it's just... a dull, familiar sort of throb. like a phantom pain. i think that's the best way to put it. cuts scab over. scars heal. but aches are forever, and this is exactly what that fic does. some old forgotten breakup, some bitterness at the circumstances, some truths packaged in a kwon soonyoung fanfic that remind you right, my pain of that-time-we-don't-talk-about is somewhat universal. it's comforting, in the same way that it's damning, to realize that there are people who know y/our pain that same way. to read it back, though— to have it glaring up at you— is just. a one-of-a-kind experience.

the lead-in to the breakup is devastating, because it really is that, sometimes. you realize love in the tender mundane, which means you can also loss love on a random weekday. "... after realising you had no idea where he kept his cereal bowls" is just an absolute gut-punch. like, ah. this is a life we're supposed to be sharing, a small fact i would know if it weren't for all the distance and time apart (what kind of girlfriend doesn't know where their boyfriend keeps their cereal bowls?!) and it just. little things, as jeonghan had said. also: something so cruel in the breakup starting, and consisting, of MC just saying soonyoung. this, after present-day soony is jolted when MC says his name? yeah. abso-fucking-lutely brutal, man.

won't even try to act like i can be coherent about this when i started crying actual tears the first time i read this passage. even now, my eyes are skipping over the words in an attempt to guard my heart against that impending pain. like, hey, hana. what the fuck! reminds me of a poem, which i'm attaching here. "but i remember our kindness that day, / when it longer mattered."

i can tell you exactly when i first read this (second week of january -ish) and when i read it a second time (earlier this month; the aborted annotation attempt), and i just wish you could've seen the look on my fucking face/the gasp i gusped when it ended with this. i rate about it a lot already in this little post, but it bears repeating: pulling off a one-act/one-setting piece is no easy feat, and you do it with such finesse. the un-chronological order of the flashbacks, the glimpses of their present selves and how they've changed/how they're still like their past versions, and this ending. absolutely bowls me over. hana, you have talent that bursts at the seams. elevatory is living, breathing proof.

You were once deeply and irrevocably in love with Kwon Soonyoung, and it’s incredibly hard to avoid that fact when he works literally two offices down from you. It’s even harder to avoid when you’re stuck in a broken elevator with him for hours, and he seems determined to dissect everything that went wrong three years ago.

⇢ pairing: kwon soonyoung x f!reader

⇢ genre: angst, fluff, exes!au, lawyer!au

⇢ wc: 5.6k

⇢ warnings: minor alcohol consumption, lots of flashbacks

⇢ a/n: early happy new year!! this is my gift to u all <3 thank u to @haologram for hosting this collab and for just being alive. and thank you SOO much to ally @lovetaroandtaemin and em @gyuswhore for beta'ing i appreciate u both endlessly 💗

as part of the don’t hate, litigate! collab hosted by the wonderful @haologram

SOMETIMES IT TRULY feels like God, or the stars in your skies, or whatever the hell is controlling your fate down on this measly earth, hates you.

Sometimes it truly feels like this indefinite being is determined to deal you the worst set of cards, and this – this trumps all. Being stuck in an elevator with your ex-boyfriend sounds like the beginning of a shitty romcom, except it’s not. It’s your life, and it’s been your life for the past eight minutes, since the metal box you stepped in ground to a creaky, noisy halt halfway between the sixth and seventh floor. 

And it takes eight minutes before Soonyoung sighs resignedly. “Are you just going to ignore me forever?” 

Forever, you think, is your least favourite word. There were a lot of things you thought you’d have forever, and one of them is standing right next to you.

You swallow thickly. Your reply comes measured and clipped. “For as long as possible.”

When he speaks next, you can hear the attempt at a forced smile in his tone. “Well, you kinda just failed.”

You stay silent. If anyone had told you five years ago that Kwon Soonyoung would be begging to talk to you and you’d be ignoring him, you would have called them crazy; and yet, here you are. Ignoring him like your sanity depends on it, because actually, it does. So for the past eight minutes – nine now, but who’s counting? – you’ve barely spoken a word. You’re both stuck; the recovery team can’t make it for two hours at least; and God hates you, basically.

Soonyoung’s trying to make the most of it, and you’re not letting him.

He says your name, ever so softly. “Really, though. How – how have you been?”

It’s weird, going from years of no contact to working together. It’s been a year since Soonyoung joined your company, but it hasn’t become any easier. Not when he’s such an open book, so fucking easy for you to read. Every time you cross paths, he gets this look in his eyes – sad puppy, you’ve nicknamed it. Now is no different.

“I’ve been okay,” you say finally, stiltedly. You’ve never been able to resist that face, and you’re pretty sure he knows it too. “What about you?”

The silence is painful, but the way he says fine stings a little bit more. You know when he’s lying, and he never used to do that to you.

“So…” He shifts his weight awkwardly, huffing out an uncomfortable laugh as he gazes intently at his shoes. “This is weird, right?”

You match him with an equally uncomfortable smile. “The weirdest.”

“Our longest conversation after forever,” he says. “But I wasn’t expecting it to go like this.”

You cock your head to the side, fixing him with a questioning gaze. All hopes of ignoring him are sailing out the hypothetical window. “How were you expecting it to go?”

Soonyoung looks up at you with one of those embarrassed, endearing smiles. “Better.”

There’s a pregnant pause, and then – “You know, Jeonghan calls you the one that got away.” 

He’s always had a habit of dropping things like that on you; things that leave you a little winded.

“That makes it sound like I escaped,” you say, with an ease you don’t feel.

Clearly, Soonyoung doesn’t feel it either — he exhales heavily. “Maybe you did. Escape, I mean.”

You snap your head towards him, eyes almost owlish in your surprise; “You’re not serious.” When he doesn’t say anything, you continue haphazardly, “Soonyoung, that’s not — there wasn’t anything to escape from.” 

Your ex-boyfriend looks miserable. Avoids eye contact, staring fixedly at his shoes with a dejected expression he can’t properly disguise; even throughout the three years of your relationship, you rarely saw him like this. He looks…

Heartbroken, your mind suggests.

“I’m serious,” you insist again, pushing the thought out of your mind. “You weren’t a bad boyfriend, Soonyoung.”

He snorts then. “Okay, we both know that isn’t true.”

“It is!” 

“If we had, like, a counter of who fucked up however many times, I would leave you in the dust.”

You don’t know how to tell him this might even be half of it. This weird pedestal he puts you on – it’s not even guilt-tripping. You’ve seen that, but never from him; Soonyoung just truly, sincerely feels bad. Whenever you look back on your relationship, which is more often than you’d care to admit, it’s plain as day. He truly, sincerely feels that he has never deserved you. Like you’re something out of this world, out of his world. 

“Wow.” Soonyoung huffs out the one word, and it’s half a laugh, half admiration. “You are so out of my league.”

“Stop,” you whine, pushing his shoulder lightly. “Don’t say stupid things like that.”

“Well, not everyone gets to date the prettiest girl in law school,” he retorts quickly, lifting his brows. “Not sure why I of all people get to, but thank you.”

“Stop it,” you repeat, rolling your eyes and fixing the tie he’s wearing. “You’re gorgeous and you know it. You should know it, at least.”

“Not just that!” he protests quickly. “I just mean… you’re so smart. And good. And kind, and funny, and — ”

“Ah, yes! Of course, Kwon Soonyoung, known famously for being mean and horrible and extremely unfunny,” you say sarcastically, before tugging his tie and pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “I choose my league, and you’re the only one in it.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” he murmurs, slightly breathless.

“Oh, shut up and kiss me.”

There were a lot of things that went wrong with you and Soonyoung. You’d started off wonderful: both of you bright, flaming, drawn to each other like magnets. You managed the stresses of law school, graduated together, and lined up jobs – jobs that were miles and miles from each other.`

There were lots of things that went wrong with you and Soonyoung, but if you had to pick one, it would be long distance.

“When did we stop trying?”

The question makes you snort. “What, you want a date and a time?”

Soonyoung smiles ruefully, but there’s nothing happy about it. It’s more of a painful grimace. That’s always been the way with you both: you deflect, he feels. He doesn’t hide the way you do, not from anyone. And for a few years, he was the only one who you didn’t hide from. 

Maybe that’s what has you opening your mouth again. “I could probably give you one. A date, I mean.”

Soonyoung hugs his knees to his chest, eyes searching your face. You can read him so well it physically makes you ache. The hint of uncertainty in his eyes, the twitching of his fingers – he’s nervous. He’s torn between wanting to know what you have to say and the strong sneaking premonition that it might hurt. “Go on,” he says finally, just as you knew he would. 

Honestly, you don’t have an exact date. Things fell apart slowly, and then all at once. A toppling tower – leaning, leaning, leaning, until it crashed. 

“There were probably a few things,” you say, softly. “My birthday, for a start.”

He winces reflexively. “That…” he begins, and then breathes out, shutting his eyes. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make up for that.”

“I mean, in the end, it wasn’t that big of a deal.” You’re not sure why you’re trying to reassure him, even if it's true. You forgave him almost immediately.

“Shit.” 

Soonyoung’s first eloquent word when he walks into the apartment only means you become sure of what you already suspected. He takes in the half-eaten cake on the table, candles blown out and tossed to the side, the scraps of wrapping paper littering the floor, the cards; you take in his face. And you know, as quick and as simple as that – he forgot. 

Some small part of you had been holding a sneaking hope that maybe this was just an elaborate attempt at a surprise. You’d told him once, months and months ago, that you didn’t think ignoring people on their birthday to surprise them later was a very nice thing to do. But you’d rather he forgot that than your entire birthday.

His eyes meet yours, both of you frozen to your places. Him at the doorway, you at the table. The distance between you isn’t more than a few metres, but suddenly it feels like an engulfing abyss. Still, even from the other side, you can feel the guilt pouring out of him. 

“Shit,” he says again, before rushing his words out. “Shit, baby, I’m so sorry.”

You haven’t cried all day. You haven’t let yourself, but this has your eyes brimming over before you can control it.

“I’m going to bed,” you say finally, hugging yourself tightly, making yourself smaller. The apartment is warm, but you suddenly feel freezing. And despite your best efforts, there’s a waver in your voice, verging on a crack. “I’m tired.” 

You glance over the remains of your birthday party, one that you plastered a fake, painful smile on the whole way through, and then you turn to leave. 

“Baby, wait,” he implores quickly, and takes a step towards you — you mirror it immediately with a step back, and it makes him pause, his expression falling even further. “Baby.”

“You’re not allowed to call me that.” Your voice is obviously shaking now. “Not today. Maybe — maybe tomorrow.”

Maybe tomorrow you’ll be able to hear his excuses, his promises, but today, you’re allowed to be upset. You’ll let yourself have today, at the very least.

He’d driven hours to see you that day, but he’d still forgotten why he was there. You hadn’t really celebrated your birthday before you met him. Soonyoung was the one who made it a big deal, back when you first started dating, and even now, there’s a sharp pang in your chest when you remember how hurt you were that day.

“You made up for it tenfold,” you remind him now, because it’s true. He made the rest of the week practically a utopia, once you banned him from apologising. And he’d been so busy at work, so incredibly tired the whole month before, and you could understand. Both that he upset you, and that it was an innocent mistake. And you’ve never seen more sincere apologies than those that came from Soonyoung.

He looks grim, shakes his head, but doesn’t say any more. Probably because you’ve had this conversation a few times already, both of you too stubborn to give in. 

“Keep going,” he says, then, looking at you head on. “What else?”

All of a sudden, you don’t want to talk about what else. All of a sudden, you’re annoyed with him, his stupid face, this stupid elevator. “Do we have to do this?” Your voice has switched from somewhat reassuring to harsh – for want of a better word, angry. It makes his brown eyes a little round with surprise, his mouth parting a little.

“What?”

“What else and what if have been on my mind for three years, Soonyoung,” you say acidly. “Forgive me if I don’t really want to talk about it to your face.”

Again, his mouth opens a little bit, stays open as he tries to form words. Until he gives up, seals his lips and nods. “Alright. Okay. That’s fine.”

“I know it’s fine!” you cry out, only more angry that he won’t argue back. You’re lawyers, it’s what you do. And just to be petty, you add — “Besides, I bet your girlfriend wouldn’t be happy about this anyway.”

Finally, his passive poker face drops, and he looks a little confused. “My what?”

Immediately, you regret opening your mouth, but it’s too late to back down. “Your girlfriend. You know, that girl from accounting.”

“The girl fr— You mean Rachel?” Soonyoung gapes at you, and something in you bridles, until he continues. “Mrs Choi, who's married to her wife and adopting a kid next year?”

Well, now you feel stupid as fuck.

“I don’t have a girlfriend,” he continues, and if you weren’t afraid to look at him right now, you’d swear he was hiding a smirk.

“Whatever. I don’t care. Why are we even talking about this?” you snap, irritated and embarrassed.

He still sounds smug. “You brought it up.”

“You sit with her every lunch hour,” you mutter, heat creeping up your neck. “I just assumed.”

“Well, there’s nothing there. So don’t worry.”

“I’m not worried! I don’t care who you date, Soonyoung!”

He looks a little taken aback, blinking once or twice, cockiness gone without a trace. “Wow,” he says, finally. If you didn’t know him as well as you did, you wouldn’t notice the slight tremble in his voice. “That’s the first time you’ve said my name since — ”

He cuts himself off, but you complete the sentence in your head — three years ago. Three years since you packed up and walked out of his life. It feels like a decade ago; it feels like last week. You’d been so sure that you wouldn’t see his face again after that, that it was a decided end of a full four years of your life. Until last year, when he’d waltzed straight back into your life, this time at your workplace.

“This is the new hire.” Your boss is speaking, but you’re still finishing up the last sentence on the document you’re working on, and you listen absently as he fires a couple instructions — “Jeon, you’ll show him around. Filing system, get him logged on, the works.”

You look up then, to cast Wonwoo a knowing smile, because he always gets lumped with showing around the newbies, but halfway to making eye contact with your friend, you catch the familiar tilt of a jaw, the soft lines of a nose you know so well.

You’ve seen Soonyoung in a hundred people since you left him. You’re always looking over your shoulder at the bus stop, at the grocery store, at the library, finding a tiny piece of him in everyone and everything, a tiny piece that lodges itself tight and sharp into your throat until you take a second look, until you see unfamiliar eyes or too dark hair or shorter legs. Until you find something to make you swallow, exhale, and keep walking.

Now, your second look doesn’t yield anything unfamiliar. Except maybe his hair, gone from blonde to black, but everything else — everything else. It’s him, and he looks just as shocked to see you as you are to see him. There’s a heavy moment that seems only heavy to the two of you, everyone else still talking, the boss still giving instructions, but you and Soonyoung are looking at each other, dumbfounded, and all you can think about is the distinct taste of bile in your throat and the tie he’s wearing is the one you got him for his birthday.

Your initial plan is to avoid him. He foils that plan within two hours, cornering you in the break room, whispering urgently, “I had no idea you worked here, I swear I’m not, like, following you or – ”

The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind, and you just pin him with a blank stare. 

“I could quit.”

You’re shaking your head before he can even finish the sentence. “I’m not so butthurt that I can’t be a professional.”

“Right,” Soonyoung nods, breathing out a little. His lips are chapped. He never used to wear lip balm, just used to borrow yours. You hate yourself a little for remembering that.

The memory almost makes your lips twist with an sardonic smile. “I was so pissed when you showed up here.”

You can see his half smile, rueful and charming, through your peripheral vision. “I felt so bad about it, you know. But you just seemed annoyed when I saw you in the break room, so I figured you weren’t… mad or upset or anything.”

“I went straight from the break room to cry in the bathroom for fifteen minutes,” you admit truthfully. “I had to tell Wonwoo I had curry for breakfast.”

“You cried?”

You scowl. “I’m not saying it to be pitied, Soonyoung. I’m just saying, I’m not, like, some heartless jerk with no feelings. Of course I was upset.”

“I know that,” he says quickly, vehemently. “Of course I know that.” He hesitates, and then continues, words practically inching out of him. “It’s not really my place to ask, but… you and Wonwoo… are you guys…?”

“You’re right,” you say, and press your cheek onto your knees to fix him with your eyes. “It’s not your business. But that’d be hypocritical of me, so… no. No, we’re just friends. I’m friends with his girlfriend too, Cam, she works at the plant shop down the road.”

Soonyoung tilts his head back, lets out one of those breathy laughs that aren’t really laughs. “It’s so weird that you have new friends now.”

“Thanks,” you say, dripping with sarcasm.

“Not like that! I just mean I’m so used to – like, it used to be our friends, you know what I mean?”

“Not since three years ago,” you say with false lightness, because when you lost Soonyoung, you lost the friends he brought you too. You catch the glint of pity in his eyes again, and scoff. “It’s not a big deal. They were your friends first.”

Frowning, he speaks again. “First doesn’t matter. It didn’t matter to them either. Seungkwan said you were the one who stopped answering their calls.”

It’s true, and the feeling still burns a little, because Seungkwan and Jeonghan had called so many times. Even Vernon called a couple times, and you weren’t even that close to him, but Soonyoung has always attracted good people. Like calls to like. Maybe that’s why you ended up leaving.

“I was trying to make it easier,” you say bluntly., “for them to choose you.”

Your ex-boyfriend clicks his tongue, rakes a hand through his dark hair. “It’s not about sides, ___, for fuck’s sake.”

“Well, it felt like it at the time, alright?” Your words come out louder than you mean them to, and you pause, trying to quell your defensiveness. 

Soonyoung raises his hands in half-hearted surrender. “Alright. Alright.”

Something in your stomach feels acidic. Leaning your head back against the cool wall of the elevator, you manage to meet his eyes apologetically. “How – how are they, though? Seungkwan and everyone?”

Graciously, he ignores your quick show of temper. “They’re good. Seungkwan’s working freelance photography now. Jeonghan still hates his job, but keeps getting promoted anyway.”

Jeonghan. You told him you thought you were going to break up before you even told Soonyoung. You wonder if he remembers it, because that night is seared into your memory – New Year’s Eve, three years ago.

You’re much drunker than you ever intended to be when you finally find a place to sit in the cramped apartment, waved over by a sympathetic looking Jeonghan. He pats your head affectionately as you groan. 

“Feeling alright?”

“No,” you say elaborately.

Jeonghan never pries, which is probably what makes people tell him everything. He only raises his eyebrows at you, a hint of scepticism toying with his smile.

You look away, eyes drawn immediately to your boyfriend, laughing in the middle of the kitchen. Throwing his head back, squeezing his eyes shut, looking so fucking happy; when you see him like this, your heart always feels so incredibly warm and so incredibly full. 

Except today, there’s something else intertwining it, something similar to dread, and it causes the faint smile on your face to fade a little.

Jeonghan sees it, of course, and when you look back at him, his eyebrows only raise higher. 

You sink further into that horrible, looming feeling. “Jeonghan.”

“___.”

“I think I’m going to break up with him this year.”

If you didn’t know Jeonghan as well as you do, you’d think the information hadn’t affected him at all; his features remain completely impassive, but you catch the flash of surprise in his eyes. He stays quiet for a long time, the silence between you filled with thumping bass and indistinct conversation, until finally, he asks the only question there is to ask. “Why?”

It’s ridiculous, how one word can bring you to the verge of tears. But that one word holds so much weight – why would you break up with him? Why would you, when you’ve pictured a future with him a thousand times over? 

Why would you leave the best thing that ever happened to you?

You blink back the tears, and Jeonghan waits.

His voice is soft, but you still hear him under the din of the party. “Is this about your birthday?”

You shake your head quickly. “No.” You stop. “Maybe. It’s – there’s just – little stupid things.”

“Little things add up,” Jeonghan says gently. You hate how he’s already understanding.

“Sometimes – ” You swallow thickly. “Sometimes I just feel so far away from him.”

You don’t have to explain that you don’t mean physically. Because that’s part of it, but it’s not all of it, but without you saying that, Jeonghan knows. You barely notice when he takes your plastic red cup from your hands, setting it on the table next to him. “And I know he loves me, and he’d never hurt me on purpose, and – he’s been so good to me, Jeonghan.”

Jeonghan only hums, waits for you to continue. And you do, the alcohol only pushing more words out of your mouth. “The distance,” you say, “is killing us.” You rub furiously at your eyes. “No matter how hard we try, Jeonghan, it’s not working, and I feel like – I’m the only one who can see that. He’s ignoring it, but we can’t keep going like this.”

Jeonghan hesitates for a second, looking torn, more torn than you’ve ever seen him look. “Do you still love him?”

Tears blur your vision again, but don’t quite escape this time. “I don’t know how to stop.”

When you kiss Soonyoung after the countdown, your cheeks are wet.

“Long distance.”

“What?”

“You asked what else,” you say, picking at your nails. “I think it was the distance. I think that’s what – you know. Broke us up.”

Soonyoung has that look in his eyes, the one where he wants to argue but knows he’s going to lose, knows that you’re right. He breathes out, licks his lips and tries to speak. “We tried so hard.”

It’s not even a counter-argument. You agree with him, even. The two of you were brilliant at long distance, until you weren’t. Hours-long video calls, surprise weekend visits, staying over for the holidays, until it all started collapsing. Weekly movie nights kept getting postponed. Visits had to decrease in number. You were missing each other’s calls – if one of you wasn’t working late, the other always was. It was like the entire universe was working against you both, and suddenly, you felt like a burden rather than a lover, and Soonyoung would probably say the same. It’s hard not to feel that way, when you’re celebrating your anniversary over FaceTime and both of you keep dozing off while the other talks.

In a way, Soonyoung is right: you both tried so hard. In a way, he’s so wrong: neither of you tried hard enough.

Towards the end of it all, you were too tired to fight. Both of you were. The breakup was a quiet affair, mostly. You brought it up first, standing in the kitchen of Soonyoung’s apartment after realising you had no idea where he kept his cereal bowls.

“Soonyoung?”

“Babe, I told you, it’s the third cupboard from the left,” he calls, but he’s rounding the corner to his kitchen anyway. He stops in his tracks when he sees your face, smile fading, and for a second, time freezes.

“Soonyoung,” you say again, quieter.

And he knows. “Don’t,” he says, faintly, but there’s no weight behind it, because he knows.

Tears are already brimming your eyes, and you’re wrapping your arms around yourself, shaking your head. “I can’t,” you say, and you’re not sure what you mean. I can’t end it. I can’t keep going.

The picture before him is enough for Soonyoung, and any defence, any fight he still had in him (because he’s always been the more tenacious) drains. He gives in, same as you. 

“Okay,” he says, in a voice that’ll haunt you for years to come, a clashing harmony of gentle and damning. “Okay.”

You try to formulate words. You fail. All that you can say is “Soonyoung.” before you trail off. 

You don’t finish. He gives you a tired, forced smile, says something about, “We had a good run, didn’t we?”, but you’re too busy trying to wrench the tears back into your eyes to focus properly. Your efforts are in vain, of course, tears slipping down your cheeks hot and heavy, no matter how much you try to stop.

“I’m sorry,” you say tearfully, but he shakes his head.

“Don’t be sorry.”

After that, he only helps you load your bags into your car and says thank you when you give him the house keys. He does everything so quietly, so methodically, so defeatedly. It’s like he’s just lost a war he’s been fighting for far too long.

It turns out that in the end, four years can be reduced down to this: two cardboard boxes, three bin bags, and two broken hearts.

It’s your fault, in technical terms. You finished this. You’re the one who said the words, or almost said them, the one who spelled out what was so obviously ignored. More than once, because you’d tried this before, six months ago. Soonyoung was the one who fought back. He’d said no, of course, that first time. He’d said no with tears in his eyes, like it was a surprise to him, like he couldn’t see it the way you saw it — that you were on two very different paths. 

Soonyoung didn’t believe in following diverging paths, he believed in forcing yourself straight ahead hand-in-hand, come hell or high water. He believed in it, until he didn’t, and then he let you go.

When it’s time for you to leave, he accepts the hug you can’t help but fling on him just before you step in the car. Both of your arms around each other, fitting into place like you have a hundred times before, but so much tighter and so much briefer this time. Soonyoung clings to you like he’s never going to see you again, because he isn’t. You cling to him like this is the last time you’ll ever hug him, because it is.

And then both of you are pulling away, laughing awkwardly at the wet patch you’ve left on his shirt, and then you’re getting in your car and he’s waving you off and it’s over, just like that.

“It’s kind of ironic, isn’t it?” There’s an acerbic quality to Soonyoung’s laugh as he continues. “We broke up because of distance, and here we fucking are.”

There’s a metre and a half between you two.

“Maybe it was a dumb reason,” you say. Voicing the thought that’s tormented you since the day you drove away. Because maybe it was stupid. Maybe it was a temporary rough patch, and if you’d stayed, if you’d fought a little more and a little longer, you’d still have Soonyoung.

But you didn’t, and you don’t.

There’s a heavy expression on Soonyoung’s face, a strange mix of anger and confusion and guilt. “Maybe,” he says, at last. There’s the vaguest trace of bitterness, the little tiny sting that reminds you again that you’re the one who called it quits. 

“It felt like the weight of the world at the time,” you say ashamedly, squeezing your eyes shut for a second.

Soonyoung takes the chance and scoots closer to you, sitting against the wall with you, shoulder-to-shoulder. (How easy it would be to just rest your head there, as you’ve done a thousand times before.) “It can’t have been easy,” he says, patting your hand with his own. Warm and familiar in its unfamiliarity, which is when you realise you’ve misread him, for once – he’s not bitter. He’s empathetic.

“It wasn’t stupid,” Soonyoung continues softly, rubbing his eyes, “but God, I wish you’d just talked to me. Actually — I wish we’d talked to each other.”

“Yes, well,” you say dryly, wondering if he’s going to catch your reference, “I’ve always had a problem with communication.”

He catches it; it makes him pause, lift up his head, give you a tiny smile.

It takes you a minute to register that the seat across from you has been occupied. When you do look up, you realise Soonyoung’s mouth has been moving since he sat down, and you haven’t heard a word of it. Also, somewhere between the class you guys shared two days ago and his presence in the library this morning, his hair’s gone from a discreet dark brown to a particularly indiscreet blond.

“I’m sorry,” you shake your head, taking out your earphones and setting down your pen. “What?”

“I said – do you have a problem with communication or something?” Despite the nature of his words, he’s practically beaming at you.

You blink at him, bewildered. “I mean… maybe? But — what?”

He holds up his phone. “Project,” he explains elaborately. “I’ve been texting, and I didn’t get a reply, and then I saw you over here, so I thought I’d ask.”

You frown, grabbing your phone. “I didn’t get any texts.”

Soonyoung mirrors your expression, tapping at his screen, and you’re struck by how much the blond suits him. As did the brown. As did the black he had a semester ago. Not that you’ve been keeping track, but it’s hard to not notice someone like Soonyoung. Even if the first time you talked to him was two days ago to organise the project you’ve been paired up for — you know him. Of him, at least.

He swivels his screen round to face you, showing you a contact with your name and what you quickly realise is almost your number. You smile a little awkwardly, tapping the last digit. “That’s meant to be a seven. You’ve got an eight.”

“Fuck,” he exhales, “that explains it. Who the hell have I been texting about litigation then?”

Something about his expression and his tone is so comical it makes you laugh, which surprises him a little – he glances up at you with a blatantly admiring smile, and he taps the edge of the desk. “Your eyes light up when you laugh, did you know?” And as quickly as he says it, he moves on, gesturing to your phone. “I’ll text you about the project, okay?”

He’s like a hurricane, and you’re trying your best to keep up. “Okay,” you agree confusedly, still hot-faced from the sudden compliment. “Yes. That’s — yes.”

As he gets up to leave again, he shoots you another one of those blinding, dazzling smiles, and sticks his hand out. “We’re friends now, right?”

His question sounds childishly sweet, and you can’t find it in yourself to do anything other than agree. 

Your one little reference sets you both off. You spend the next two hours talking and talking and talking, every other sentence beginning with “Remember when…”, as the two of you dredge up the long-buried memories of four long years spent together.

Soonyoung talks about the massive crush he had on you before you even got paired up for the project. You talk about how you never believed him, even when he did ask you out – it took three tries before you understood how serious he was. And then you remember the time Soonyoung sprinted from campus to his accommodation and back just to get you the calculator you forgot for your exam – and the time you both went to a frat party and ended up playing the most intense game of UNO in the bathroom with Vernon, which ended in a drunk Soonyoung trying to flush the cards down the toilet. 

He talks about the surprise party you threw for his birthday, and you talk about the time he tried to make you pancakes for National Girlfriend Day and failed horribly. You ate them anyway.

You don’t, however, talk about other things, even if you remember them. You remember Soonyoung kissing your forehead every morning he woke up next to you. You remember him buying your favourite flowers for your favourite vase every week. You remember coming home after a long day to food already delivered and paid for when he was working hours and hours away. You remember being so incredibly in love that it made you giddy and so in love it made you calm. And you don’t talk about it, just store it away somewhere as a reminder of what love is meant to feel like. If four years with Soonyoung brought you anything, it’s that: it taught you how to love and be loved.

When the recovery team finally arrives, you leave the elevator feeling like a new person. It doesn’t hurt when you look at Soonyoung anymore, there’s only a vague, warm fondness. And he can look you in the eye now, which he does. He smiles at you, sticks out his hand the same way he did all those years ago.

“We’re friends now, right?”

an / AHHH!!!!!! i know this fic is only like 5k but it took a lot out of me so i’d love to hear your thoughts. literally any thoughts. i wanted this fic to be longer but it happened this way and. what can i do. i may be the author but im NOT in control. it’s not a fic i’m 100% proud of but i think it’ll still hold a special place in my heart!!!! i love an angsty exes au.

anyway — this will be my last fic this year!!! see you all in 2025 and thank you so much for all the notes and all the reblogs and all the wonderful conversations this year i love you

perm taglist: @n4mj00nvq @eoieopda @som1ig @glowunderthemoon

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[scarletwinterxx]

LOVE YOUR FICSS AHHH got me kicking my feet🥰 could i req for a bestfriends to lovers with dino! maybe where the members keep teasing him lol tyyy if you take this🫶🏼

hiiiii ~ so.... i got.... carried away?? hahah i was suppose to make it a cute short scenario but i loved it way tooooo much ugh i'm a sucker for bff to lovers trope so here we are😅😅 it's like if you combine mary's song and the alchemy (by tswift), that's how i would describe this fic

for my other svt fics, check them here

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2025 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(pics not mine, credits to rightful owner)

The neon glow of Seoul’s streets reflects off the café window as you stir your latte, the warmth of the cup pressing against your palms. Across from you, Chan is slouched in his chair, one hand lazily swirling his iced latte, the other casually flicking a stray sugar packet at you.

“You good?” you ask, nudging his shin under the table.

He grins, that boyish smirk you’ve seen a thousand times. “Yeah, just thinking about Wonwoo-hyung. He said something dumb again.”

You snort at what he said making Chan chuckle, shaking his head. “He said everyone’s just waiting for us to realize we’re in love.”

You almost choke on your drink. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah. Apparently, Wonwoo-hyung, Seungkwan, and Vernon-hyung are betting on when it’ll happen.”

You blink at him. “They need new hobbies.”

“That’s exactly what I said!” Dino exclaims, looking far too pleased that you’re on the same page. “But it got me thinking”

“That’s dangerous”

“Shut up,” he laughs, bumping his foot against yours. “I just don’t get why they think that. I mean, we’re best friends. That’s it.”

“Right?” You lean back, crossing your arms. “It’s not like we’re that close.”

He scoffs. “Exactly! I mean, sure, I always make sure you eat and never let you walk home alone, and you always text me to remind me to bring an umbrella when it rains—”

“Yeah, and we always share food and buy each other coffee without asking…” you mutter, looking at the toast you were sharing moments ago, he called dibs on the strawberries and you let him have it. You hate strawberries.

“And I always know what you’re thinking just by looking at you,” he adds.

You frown. “Okay, that’s normal, though.”

“Super normal.”

“Totally platonic.”

“Exactly.”

Silence settles between you, the sounds of the café humming in the background. Dino is staring at you, and you’re staring at him, and suddenly you’re both squinting like you’ve just tried to read the fine print of a sketchy contract.

“…Do we sound like a couple?” you ask hesitantly.

Dino tilts his head, considering. “Nah.”

“Right?”

“Right.”

Another beat of silence.

“…But if we were a couple, I’d totally be the better half,” he says, grinning. You kick his shin under the table

“Oh, please if anything, I would be the better half.”

Dino just laughs, shaking his head, and you both go back to your drinks like the conversation never happened.

The university field is still buzzing with excitement after the match, but your attention is on one person—Chan. He’s grinning, sweaty, and full of energy as he jogs toward you, clearly eager to hear your praise.

“You saw that, right?” he asks, eyes sparkling.

He plays for the university's soccer team. And you being bestfriend, has never missed a single game. ever.

“You think I didn’t?” You cross your arms, pretending to be unimpressed. “You were alright, I guess.”

“Alright?!” He gapes at you like you’ve just insulted his entire existence. “I carried this game.”

Before you can react, he reaches out and flicks your forehead his usual way of showing affection. You swat at his arm, but he just grins wider.

From behind you, Seungkwan sighs dramatically. “Seriously, how do you both not see it?”

You ignore him, focusing instead on the way Chan’s hand lingers on your wrist a little longer than necessary.

The restaurant is buzzing with life, the scent of sizzling meat filling the air as you, Chan, Vernon, and Seungkwan settle into your seats. Chan is busy grilling, as usual, because he claims he “doesn’t trust any of you with the meat.” You let him, happily reaching for a side dish while Vernon sips on his iced tea.

“You were a little too into the game today,” Vernon comments, glancing at you

You shrug. “I always cheer for Chan.”

Seungkwan snorts. “Yeah, and only for Chan.”

You’re about to argue when someone steps up to your table. You glance up, only to see a guy in a jersey from the opposing team standing there, smiling at you.

“Hey,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I, uh, noticed you cheering during the game. You seemed really into it.”

Chan’s hand pauses mid-air, chopsticks still holding a piece of meat

“Oh, uh, yeah,” you reply, not sure where this is going.

“I was wondering,” the player continues, shifting on his feet. “Would it be okay if I got your number?”

Silence.

Vernon raises an eyebrow. Seungkwan’s mouth falls open slightly, clearly ready to cause chaos. And Chan? Chan sets his chopsticks down very slowly.

You blink, caught off guard. “Oh. Um—”

“She’s good,” Chan says before you can even process an answer. His voice is light, but you know him too well. There’s something sharp underneath it.

The player looks at him, then back at you. “Oh—are you guys…?”

“Nope,” Seungkwan answers way too fast. Then he smirks. “But go on. I wanna see how this plays out.”

Chan shoots him a glare before turning back to the guy, forcing a smile. “She’s not interested.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “Excuse me?”

Chan doesn’t even look at you. “Right?” he prompts, acting like this is a completely normal thing to do.

You open your mouth, then close it. Then look at the player, who is now shifting awkwardly under the weight of whatever weird tension is happening.

“…I mean, I guess I’m not?” you say, though you’re still trying to figure out why you let Chan answer for you.

The player sighs, nodding. “Got it. Well, it was worth a shot. Enjoy your dinner.”

As soon as he walks away, Seungkwan loses it.

“Oh my GOD,” he cackles, slapping the table. “Did you see yourself, Chan? You looked ready to throw hands.”

“I did not,” Chan grumbles, picking up his chopsticks again.

Vernon hums thoughtfully. “Interesting.”

You turn to Chan, arms crossed. “Care to explain what that was?”

He shrugs, not meeting your eyes. “I just saved you from giving your number to some random guy. You’re welcome.”

Seungkwan whistles. “Possessive much?”

Chan glares. “I’m not possessive.”

“Dude, you almost turned that meat into charcoal the second he walked up,” Vernon points out.

You smirk, leaning closer. “Chan… were you jealous?”

He scoffs, eyes flicking to yours before quickly looking away. ��Eat your food.”

You don’t push it, but as you take a bite, you notice his ears are very, very red.

Later when the four of you are done you leave the restaurant, full and still giggling from Seungkwan’s dramatic reenactment of Chan’s “alpha male” moment. Especially you. You're having way too much fun with this.

“So, Chan,” you drawl, walking beside him with a mischievous grin. “You never answered my question.”

He sighs, already looking exhausted. “What question?”

“The one about you being jealous.”

“I wasn’t jealous.”

Vernon snickers. “Sure, man.”

You nudge him with your elbow. “So, if I had given that guy my number, you would’ve been totally fine with it?”

“Yep,” Chan replies too quickly, staring straight ahead.

Seungkwan gasps dramatically. “Liar.”

You smirk, stepping a little closer. “So if he had asked me out, you wouldn’t have cared at all?”

Chan exhales through his nose, his patience clearly wearing thin. You think you’ve won until he suddenly stops walking. Before you can react, he reaches for the hood of your jacket, yanks it over your head, and pulls the strings tight until only the tip of your nose is peeking out.

“CH—MMMPH!” You flail your arms, completely trapped in your own hoodie.

Vernon straight-up wheezes. Seungkwan is on the ground.

Chan steps behind you, places his hands firmly on your shoulders, and starts pushing you forward.

“There,” he says, smug. “Now you can’t tease me if you can’t see me.”

“LET ME OUT!” you shout, voice muffled.

“Nope.”

“I WILL END YOU.”

“Good luck with that,” he chirps, steering you like a malfunctioning shopping cart.

You struggle but Chan keeps a firm grip, easily guiding you down the street while you helplessly stomp forward.

“You’re such a child,” you grumble.

“And you’re annoying,” he replies. “So this is fair.”

You huff, but underneath it all, you’re grinning. Because no matter how ridiculous he is, no matter how much he denies it—Chan absolutely, definitely cares.

A couple of days passed and now you’re not speaking to Chan.

It started over something ridiculously small—so small that, if you really thought about it, you couldn’t even remember the exact reason it escalated. But what mattered was that it did.

One minute, you were bickering over something dumb, like him eating the last piece of tteokbokki when you clearly had your chopsticks ready to grab it. The next, you were snapping at each other, stubbornness clashing until you finally said, “You know what? Fine.” And then you stopped talking to him.

And because Chan is just as stubborn as you, he decided, Fine. Two can play that game.

So now, you’re both ignoring each other.

It’s been three days.

At first, it was just a cold shoulder situation. Him sitting on the opposite side of the group when you all hung out, you pretending he didn’t exist. But then, it turned into avoiding each other altogether. You didn’t text him. He didn’t text you. You saw him walking into a café the other day and literally turned around.

And now, everyone else has definitely noticed.

“Okay, what is going on?” Seungkwan asks, throwing his hands up.

You sip your drink calmly, acting unbothered. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Vernon raises a brow. “You and Chan haven’t said a single word to each other since we all sat down.”

“And?” you say, playing with your straw.

Wonwoo, who’s been watching silently, smirks. “Oh, this is fun.”

From across the table, Chan scoffs. “Maybe I just don’t have anything to say.”

Your eye twitches. Oh, so he does want to play this game?

“Same,” you reply smoothly. “Silence is peaceful.”

Seungkwan fake gags. “I hate this. I hate this. Fix it.”

“Seriously, what happened?” Vernon sighs, looking back and forth between the two of you

Chan shrugs, avoiding eye contact with you. “Nothing.”

You mimic his movement. “Nothing at all.”

Seungkwan claps his hands together. “Okay, I don’t know what kind of pride battle is happening here, but I hate being collateral damage. Fix. It.”

You ignore him, grabbing a fry from your plate. But as you do, Chan—who is apparently also reaching for a fry at the same time—accidentally brushes his fingers against yours.

It’s quick. Barely a second.

But it feels like a moment.

You both freeze.

Your brain says, Move your hand. But your hand? It stays right there. Chan pulls away first, clearing his throat. He grabs his drink and takes a very forced sip. The others are watching.

Wonwoo exchanges a glance with Vernon, who just shakes his head like he can’t believe this is happening. Seungkwan is straight-up vibrating with frustration.

“Are you guys seriously fighting over something dumb?” Seungkwan finally asks. “I swear to God, if this is about food—”

“It’s not about food,” you snap.

Chan scoffs. “Well, technically, it started with food.”

You glare at him. “I knew you did that on purpose.”

He crosses his arms. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Oh, so it was just a coincidence that you stole my tteokbokki right before I grabbed it?”

“Yes?”

The table erupts.

“OH MY GOD,” Seungkwan yells. “THIS WHOLE THING IS ABOUT FOOD?!”

Vernon leans back in his seat, covering his face. “This is a nightmare.”

Wonwoo actually laughs. “So, neither of you broke the silence first because of that?”

You huff, crossing your arms. “It’s the principle of it.”

Chan nods. “Exactly.”

Seungkwan groans, dragging his hands down his face. “You two are so dumb. Just apologize and move on.”

Silence. You glance at Chan. He glances at you but neither of you speaks.

“Oh, this is gonna take forever.”

Another day has passed. The silence is definitely something you're not used to but you went on with your life.

Today you had gym. The moment your gym professor announced that today’s class was going to be track, you felt impending doom settle in your bones. You were not built for this.

Running? Sure, in an emergency. But sprinting laps for fun? Absolutely not.

And of course, because life is so kind to you, disaster struck right when you were about to finish your second lap. One second, you were focused on not dying. The next, your foot caught on absolutely nothing (because the universe simply hates you), and you went down hard.

Pain shot up your ankle instantly, and you barely had time to process the embarrassment before your professor and a classmate rushed over.

"Are you okay?" your professor asked, already kneeling beside you

You winced, testing your foot. "Uh… no?"

Your classmate, a guy from your department, helped you up while you tried not to cry at how much your ankle hurt. Your professor sighed, already pulling out his phone. "Let's get you to the clinic."

So that’s how you ended up here.

Sitting on the clinic bed, holding an ice pack to your now-swollen ankle, wondering how you were going to get home later. Then, just as you were about to doze off from sheer exhaustion...

BANG!

The clinic door slammed open so hard it rattled on its hinges.

You nearly jumped out of your skin. The nurse at the desk let out a startled yelp. And standing in the doorway, panting like he’d just fought for his life, was none other than Lee Chan.

His hair was a mess, his hoodie was slipping off one shoulder, and he looked wrecked.

"Where is she?" he demanded between ragged breaths.

The nurse blinked. "Uh—"

Then he spotted you.

His eyes locked onto your ankle, wrapped in ice, and his whole body stiffened. In the next second, he rushed to your side, grabbing onto the edge of the bed as he caught his breath.

"What the hell happened?" he demanded, voice still breathless.

You blinked at him, momentarily stunned. "Chan?"

"Yeah, it's me, obviously!" he snapped, still trying to breathe properly. "I ran across campus! Ran. For you. So start talking—why are you hurt?!"

You stared at him. "How did you even—"

"Vernon," he answered immediately. "Somehow, he found out before I did and called me, and now I’m here. So explain."

You hesitated, suddenly feeling… weird. The two of you were still ignoring each other. You hadn’t spoken in days. And yet, here he was, looking like he’d just sprinted a full marathon with zero hesitation just because you got hurt.

Your heart did something stupid.

"... I tripped."

Chan deadpanned. "You tripped?"

"Yes."

"On what?"

You cleared your throat. "...Air."

"You tripped on air?!" He dragged a hand down his face. "Oh my God."

You scowled, crossing your arms. "Look, it happened, okay? You don’t have to be so dramatic about it."

"Dramatic?" He gaped at you. "You injured yourself! Of course I’m dramatic!"

You rolled your eyes but couldn't ignore the way your chest felt warm. The nurse cleared her throat. "If you're done yelling at each other, she just has a mild sprain. No fracture. She just needs to rest it."

Chan let out a breath, his shoulders sagging in relief. "Okay. Good."

Then, without hesitation, he gently grabbed your ankle, adjusting the ice pack like it was the most natural thing in the world. You stiffened, watching him.

"You idiot," he muttered, shaking his head. "Who gets injured running on a track?"

"Me, apparently," you mumbled.

He sighed. "Of course it’s you."

Silence.

You swallowed, suddenly hyper-aware of how close he was, how he hadn't hesitated to come running for you even after all the ignoring.

"...You didn't have to come," you muttered.

Chan scoffed, finally looking up at you. "Don't be stupid. Of course I did."

And just like that, your stupid heart did another stupid thing.

After that, Chan refuses to leave your side. The moment the nurse gives you clearance to leave, he slings your arm over his shoulder and practically carries you out of the clinic before you can even protest.

“Chan, I can walk,” you grumble, trying to wriggle out of his hold.

“Oh, really?” He looks down at you. “Go on, then. Walk.”

You press your lips together. Your ankle still throbs, and you know if you put weight on it, you’ll probably just collapse. But admitting that out loud? Never.

Chan smirks, already knowing. “Yeah. That’s what I thought.”

You scowl. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” he sing-songs, leading you toward the front of the campus.

You don’t know when he did it, but at some point, he called Wonwoo. Because by the time you both reach the parking lot, Wonwoo is already waiting by his car, arms crossed.

He looks between you and Chan, then sighs. “Do I even want to know what happened?”

Chan grins. “She tripped on air and almost died.”

You groan. “I did not almost die.”

“She has a sprained ankle,” Chan tells him, ignoring you completely. “So, obviously, we need a ride.”

Wonwoo raises an eyebrow. “We?”

Chan just nods like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “Yeah. I have to make sure she gets home safe.”

You snort. “You just don’t want to go to your next class.”

Chan gasps, placing a dramatic hand over his chest. “How dare you? I am a devoted best friend who—okay, yeah, I also don’t want to go to class.”

Wonwoo sighs. “Unbelievable.” But despite all his complaints, he still opens the car door for you, because at the end of the day, Chan is his not-so-secret favorite.

As Chan helps you into the car, you glance up at Wonwoo, smirking. “You know you can say no to him, right?”

Wonwoo shuts the door and deadpans, “No, I can’t.”

From the driver’s seat, he glares at Chan. “And he knows that.”

Chan just grins, victorious. “I absolutely do.”

By the time Wonwoo pulls up in front of your apartment, you’re still trying to process the absolute insanity that is Lee Chan.

“You are not staying over,” you say firmly, already reaching for the car door handle.

Chan, completely ignoring you, hops out of the car and immediately rushes to your side to help you out because, despite how annoying he is, he still refuses to let you walk on your own.

Wonwoo rolls down his window, smirking. “Have fun dealing with him.”

You scowl. “You could stop him, you know.”

Wonwoo shrugs. “I could… but I won’t.” Then he turns to Chan. “Don’t burn her place down.”

Chan grins. “No promises!”

Wonwoo sighs like he’s questioning all of his life choices, then drives off, leaving you stuck with the human disaster next to you.

Chan slings your arm over his shoulder again, walking you toward the door. “Alright, let’s get you inside. Do you have food? Should I order something? Do you need pillows? A wheelchair? Life insurance?”

You groan. “Chan, you are not my nurse—”

“Yet here I am,” he says smugly, guiding you into the apartment. The moment you sit down on the couch, Chan kicks off his shoes and makes himself at home like he’s lived here his whole life.

Which, to be fair, he practically has.

He starts rummaging through your kitchen. “Okay, so what’s for dinner? Do you have anything edible?”

You glare at him. “How about you go home and eat there?”

He gasps, offended. “Wow. This is how you treat the person who ran across campus for you?”

You throw a pillow at him. “GO HOME.”

He catches it easily, tossing it onto the couch before coming over and sitting next to you. “Nope. Not happening.”

You sigh, leaning your head back. “Why are you like this?”

Chan shrugs. “Because you’re injured, and someone has to make sure you don’t do anything dumb again.”

You narrow your eyes. “You love calling me dumb, huh?”

He grins. “It’s because you are.”

You reach over to smack him, but he dodges, laughing.

Then, without warning, he stands up and claps his hands together. “Alright, let’s get you some food and then ice your ankle again.”

You stare at him.

And this is why everyone thinks the two of you are dating. Because, despite the relentless teasing, despite the arguing and the chaos that follows wherever you go—Chan is still Chan.

Caring. Attentive. There, always.

You sigh, finally giving up. “Fine. But you’re ordering.”

Chan grins, already pulling out his phone. “Knew you’d cave.”

You roll your eyes, but as he starts scrolling through food options, you can’t help but smile. Maybe having him around isn’t so bad.

Just as you’re about to get comfortable in bed, you hear Chan’s voice from the living room. At first, you assume he’s talking to himself—because honestly, he does that sometimes—but then you hear your mom’s name.

Your stomach drops.

Oh, no.

You push the door open just in time to hear him say “Yeah, she totally wiped out during gym class—sprained her ankle and everything.”

You gasp. “Chan, what the—”

He turns, holding up a finger to silence you while grinning like the menace he is. “Uh-huh. Exactly. She’s way too clumsy, Auntie. I keep telling her to be more careful, but does she listen? Nope.”

You limp toward him as fast as your injury allows. “Hang up! Right now!”

Chan dodges your grab like a trained professional and keeps talking. “No, no, she’s fine. I made sure of it. I called Wonwoo hyung to drive us home, wrapped her ankle properly, even made her eat dinner—” He pauses, then smirks. “Yeah, I am the best, aren’t I?”

You groan, flopping onto the couch in defeat. “I cannot believe you called my mom.”

Chan finally acknowledges you, holding out the phone. “She wants to talk to you.”

You glare. “I hate you.” You snatch the phone from his hand, pressing it to your ear. “Mom, I’m fine. I don’t know why Chan is making it sound like I barely survived.”

Your mother scoffs. “Because you’re you. Of course, I’m going to worry!”

You sigh. “I was going to tell you. Eventually.”

“Eventually?” she repeats. “If it weren’t for Chan, I wouldn’t have known at all!”

Chan smirks, leaning back on the couch. “You’re welcome.”

You glare at him, but your mom keeps going.

“You better listen to Chan and rest, okay? No unnecessary moving around!”

You groan. “Mom—”

“Promise me.”

You sigh. “Fine. I promise.”

“Good. Now give the phone back to Chan.”

“What? Why?”

Chan immediately reaches for the phone. “Because she likes me more.”

You slap his hand away but hand it over anyway. The moment he takes it, his entire tone changes. “Yes, Auntie? Oh, of course! I’ll make sure she rests. No funny business, I promise.”

You stare at him in horror. “You are such a suck-up.”

He waves you off, still charming your mother over the phone. “Yeah, I’ll stay over tonight just to make sure she doesn’t do anything dumb—”

“CHAN!”

He laughs but eventually wraps up the call, you scowl at him “I cannot believe you just did that.”

Chan shrugs, looking way too pleased with himself. “What can I say? Your mom adores me.”

You cross your arms. “You’re lucky my ankle is sprained, or I’d kick you out.”

A few days pass, and your ankle is mostly healed, which means Chan has finally stopped hovering like a mother hen.

Mostly.

(He still side-eyes you every time you walk too fast, but hey—progress.)

Now, though, you have another problem. Chan’s birthday is coming up. So is Valentine’s Day and because the universe apparently loves to make your life difficult, they’re only a few days apart.

You groan, flopping onto your bed as you scroll through your phone for ideas.

Something soccer-related? Too predictable.

Something music-related? He already has everything.

Something sentimental? Absolutely not.

You don’t even realize you’re pouting until you hear a familiar voice.

“What’s with that face?”

You jolt up. Chan is leaning against your doorframe, arms crossed, a very smug grin on his face.

You blink. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough to see you looking miserable.” He tilts his head. “What, you failing a test or something?”

You scoff. “Excuse you, I don’t fail tests.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

You scramble for an excuse. “Uh—thinking about what to eat.”

Chan snorts. “Wow. Must be so hard for you.”

"Fine I was thinking about what to get you for your birthday, what do you want?" You ask him

“A new soccer bag?”

“No.”

“Sneakers?”

“Nope.”

“A lifetime supply of banana milk?”

Chan actually pauses at that one, looking tempted. But then he shakes his head. “Nah.”

You groan, flopping onto his couch dramatically. “Chan. It’s your birthday. You have to want something.”

He smirks. “I do.”

You sit up immediately. “Okay, what? Tell me.”

He hesitates, then sighs, looking almost embarrassed. “You’re gonna laugh.”

“Oh, I’m definitely laughing now.”

Chan glares. “Never mind.”

“No, no, c’mon! Tell me!” You poke his arm. “What do you want?”

He exhales sharply, running a hand through his hair. Then, finally—after a ridiculous amount of dramatic silence—he mutters,

“Your brownies.”

You blink. “Wait, what?”

He shrugs, suddenly very interested in his hands. “Your brownies. The ones you bake sometimes.”

You stare at him, waiting for him to say more. That’s it? That’s what he wants? Not some expensive gift, not some rare collectible—just… brownies?

You snort. “You’re such a loser.”

Chan glares. “See? I knew you were gonna laugh!”

You grin. “I am laughing. But also—seriously? That’s all you want?”

He shrugs again. “Yeah. They’re my favorite.”

And okay, fine. Maybe that makes your heart do a tiny stupid little somersault. Instead, you stand up, stretching.

“Alright. If the birthday boy wants brownies, then the birthday boy gets brownies.”

Chan blinks. “Wait, really?”

You smirk. “Obviously. You think I’d deny you your wish for your birthday?”

“…Kinda, yeah.”

You grab a pillow and whack him with it.

Chan shows up at your place way too early for someone whose only birthday wish is brownies. You open the door, squinting. “Didn’t we agree on noon?”

He grins, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “Yeah, but I got excited.”

You cross your arms. “You’re acting like I’m baking you a five-star gourmet meal and not just brownies.”

Chan gasps. “How dare you undermine the greatness of your brownies?”

You roll your eyes but step aside to let him in. He immediately makes himself at home, plopping onto the kitchen counter like he belongs there.

You narrow your eyes. “What are you doing?”

He shrugs. “Watching.”

“…Why?”

“Because I want to.”

You scoff. “Chan, it’s just brownies.”

“Exactly. My brownies. I need to make sure you don’t mess them up.”

You pick up a wooden spoon and point it at him. “You’re this close to getting kicked out.”

He grins. “No, I’m not.”

You sigh, shaking your head, and start gathering ingredients. The entire time, Chan stays glued to the counter, swinging his legs like an actual kid.

At one point, he even starts narrating. “And here we see the great baker in her natural habitat…”

You throw a marshmallow at him. “Shut up.”

He just laughs, completely unbothered.

But, honestly? The way his eyes light up every time you mix something, or pour the batter, or literally just exist is… kind of stupidly cute. You shove that thought way down.

Finally, after what feels like forever, you pull the brownies out of the oven.

Chan immediately tries to grab one.

You smack his hand away. “They’re hot, idiot.”

He pouts. “But it’s my birthday.”

You arch a brow. “And?”

He sighs dramatically, leaning back. “Wow. Some best friend you are.”

You roll your eyes but grab a fork, cutting off a tiny piece and blowing on it before holding it out.

Chan blinks. “Wait, you’re actually—?”

“Shut up and eat.”

He grins, leaning in to take the bite, and the second he does, his entire face lights up.

“Oh my God.” He looks so happy it’s ridiculous. “I forgot how good these are.”

You smirk. “Told you.”

Chan hums in satisfaction, still chewing. “Best birthday gift ever.”

And just like that, your stomach does that stupid flip again.

You ignore it. Instead, you grab a brownie for yourself and take a bite, leaning against the counter. “Happy birthday, loser.”

Chan, still grinning, nudges your shoulder. “Thanks, loser.”

You grab the brownies again, sticking a couple of candles in one. “Alright, birthday boy,” you say, lighting them up. “Make a wish.”

Chan chuckles but nods, clasping his hands together. He closes his eyes, his brows furrowing just slightly in thought. But then right before he blows out the candles his eyes snap open and land directly on you.

Your breath catches.

It’s only for a split second—just a moment of lingering eye contact—but it feels like something shifts.

Like maybe, just maybe, his wish has something to do with you.

And then the candles are out, the moment gone, and Chan is grinning like nothing happened. Chan leans back, watching the faint trail of smoke disappear from the extinguished candles. Then, with that smug-but-soft look of his, he says,

“This is the 26th birthday I’ve spent with you.”

You snort. “I mean, yeah. We’ve literally known each other since birth.”

Chan grins. “Exactly. That means I’ve never had a birthday without you.”

You roll your eyes. “That just means our moms were too obsessed with each other to celebrate separately.”

But Chan just shrugs. “Or maybe the universe knew I needed you.”

And just like that, your brain completely short-circuits.

You blink at him, your stomach doing that stupid flip again, and suddenly, you don’t know where to look. The worst part? He says it so casually. Like he isn’t out here dropping the most casually sentimental thing you’ve ever heard.

You clear your throat, forcing out a laugh. “Wow. That’s so cheesy. Who taught you that?”

Chan smirks. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

You grab a brownie and shove it into his mouth. “Stop talking.”

He just laughs, eyes crinkling at the corners, and chews happily.

And while he’s busy enjoying his food, you are left trying to process the very inconvenient warmth spreading through your chest.

After that moment with Chan, you tried to bury it in your mind and distract yourself with something else. So, naturally, you bury yourself in schoolwork.

Not that you want to—your professor kind of forces your hand when they assign a massive research project. But the only silver lining? You get partnered up with Mark Lee.

Yes, that Mark Lee.

The one who’s absurdly well-known on campus. The one who’s nice to everyone, always willing to help. The one who somehow juggles being an honor student, an athlete, and a musician all at once.

Basically, if people were ranked like K-pop idols, Mark would be in an A-list group with an unbreakable fanbase.

And now? He’s your project partner. Which is… fine. Great, even. Because Mark is cool, easy to work with, and always has some idea of what’s going on.

Somewhere across campus. Somehow Vernon found out maybe because he’s friends with Mark, but also because Vernon has a way of accidentally collecting information he never planned on having.

So, when he casually brings it up to Chan, he doesn’t expect a reaction.

“Yeah, I think they started their research today,” Vernon says, sipping his drink. “Mark was telling me they’re doing something on—”

“What?”

Vernon blinks. “Huh?”

Chan is frowning. “What do you mean they started their research?”

“I mean exactly that?” Vernon tilts his head. “Why?”

Chan crosses his arms, eyebrows furrowing. “She didn’t tell me about this.”

Vernon shrugs. “Maybe she forgot.”

Chan scoffs. “She doesn’t just forget things like this.”

Vernon watches him for a moment, then—because he is Vernon—he smirks. “Why? You jealous?”

Chan glares. “Shut up.”

But the way he immediately shoves a fry in his mouth—pointedly avoiding eye contact—tells Vernon everything he needs to know.

Meanwhile, you’re completely unaware of the conversation happening behind your back because, while Chan is sitting there having internal drama, you’re busy at the library, actually doing your work somewhere on campus with Mark.

Mark is surprisingly fun to work with. He’s got this easy-going energy that makes it impossible to be awkward around him. He listens, offers ideas, and never once makes you feel like you’re carrying the whole project alone.

At one point, while you’re deep in discussion, he suddenly grins.

“You know, I was kind of hoping I’d get partnered with you.”

You blink. “Wait, really? Why?”

Mark laughs. “Because you’re, like, insanely good at research. Plus, I figured it’d be fun.”

You tilt your head. “And how do you know I’m good at research?”

He shrugs. “Vernon”

Later Chan is walking around campus after his last class finished. Too lost in his own thoughts.

Chan is not the jealous type. Really, he isn’t.

But the second he hears Vernon say—so casually—that you and Mark have been spending time together, something in his brain just… short-circuits because why didn’t you tell him? You tell him everything. Even the stupid, mundane stuff like how your coffee order was wrong or how your neighbor’s cat was staring at you weirdly again.

So why didn’t this come up?

It’s not that he’s mad. He just… doesn’t like it and now, thanks to Vernon, he’s stuck thinking about it all day.

By the time you meet up with him after your classes, he’s already decided: He needs to casually bring it up.

(Casually.)

So, as you walk beside him, he tries to sound as neutral as possible.

“Sooo… how’s the research going?”

You glance at him, unaware of the ridiculous amount of effort he’s putting into sounding normal. “It’s fine. Why?”

Chan shrugs. “Just wondering.”

A beat.

Then, as if completely unaware of the landmine she’s stepping on, you say—

“Mark’s actually really nice. I get why Vernon’s friends with him.”

Oh, come on.

Chan swallows. “Yeah?”

You nod. “Yeah. He’s easy to work with. He’s, like… I don’t know. Just a chill, friendly guy, y’know?”

Chan forces a smile. “Right. Chill. Friendly.”

You glance at him, frowning slightly. “Are you okay?”

“Me? Yeah! Totally!” (Lie.)

You squint. “You’re making that face.”

Chan panics. “What face?”

“That face you make when you don’t like something but don’t wanna say it.”

Chan scoffs. “What? No. I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

You just stare. Chan sweats. Then... because he’s actually losing this battle... he finally gives in and mutters,

“…Why didn’t you tell me you got partnered with Mark?”

You blink. “Huh?”

Chan shrugs, too casually. “I mean, usually you tell me about this stuff.”

You tilt your head, genuinely confused. “I dunno. I guess I didn’t think it was a big deal?”

Chan scoffs before he can stop himself. “Right. Totally not a big deal.”

You narrow your eyes. “Okay, what is your problem?”

Chan exhales, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t have a problem.”

“Really? Because you sound like you do.”

“I don’t.”

“You do.”

“I don’t!”

A few seconds pass before you smile at him, “Oh my God. That’s what this is about?”

Chan scowls. “What do you mean ‘that’s what this is about?’”

You laugh. “You’re jealous.”

Chan chokes. “WHAT?!”

You grin. “Oh, this is amazing. You’re actually jealous.”

“I—no! I’m not!”

“You so are.”

“I’M NOT!”

You just keep grinning and Chan just keeps suffering. Because, yeah. Maybe he is a little jealous. Maybe he doesn’t like the idea of someone else getting your time and attention.

You nudge him playfully. "Chan, it's just schoolwork."

He scoffs, still not looking at you. "Still."

You grin. "Okay, okay, from now on, I solemnly swear to tell you about every single homework, every test, every research project I have."

Chan rolls his eyes. "You’re so dramatic."

You smirk. "Oh no, I'm serious. Next time I get assigned a two-page essay, you will be the first to know. If I have a pop quiz, you will hear about it immediately. If I even think about studying, I’ll text you."

Chan groans. "I regret saying anything."

You laugh. "Nope, too late. You signed up for this."

He shakes his head, finally glancing at you with the smallest smile. “You’re the worst.”

“And yet,” you say, looping your arm through his, “you’re still here.”

Chan sighs, letting you drag him along. "Unfortunately."

But the way his fingers lightly squeeze your arm?

Yeah. He doesn't mind one bit.

The next day, you meet up with Mark at the library as planned. He’s already there when you arrive, flipping through research papers with that easygoing, friendly energy he’s known for.

“Hey,” he greets with a grin. “Ready to be academically tortured?”

You laugh. “Oh, absolutely.”

The two of you get to work, sifting through sources, bouncing ideas off each other. You’re making solid progress when, about an hour in, your phone buzzes.

Chan: Having fun with your new research husband?

You snort so loudly Mark looks up. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, typing back a response.

You: Wow, someone’s checking in? Cute. Chan: I’m not checking in. I’m just making sure you didn’t forget your REAL best friend exists.

You roll your eyes, but your smile lingers as you turn back to work.

By the time you finish and say goodbye to Mark, it’s dark outside. Your legs are stiff from sitting too long, and all you want is food and maybe a nap.

You check your phone—no new messages from Chan since earlier.

Weird. Usually, he at least texts about what he’s doing. Without thinking too much about it, you head toward your usual café. And sure enough there he is.

Chan is sitting by the window, a drink in front of him, scrolling through his phone. He looks normal. Unbothered. But when you walk in, his eyes immediately flick up to meet yours, like he was waiting.

You grin, sliding into the seat across from him. “Fancy meeting you here.”

Chan raises an eyebrow. “Wow. You survived the date.”

You laugh. “It wasn’t a date.”

“Sure.”

You roll your eyes. “It was schoolwork, oh jealous one.”

“I am not jealous.”

“Mmm.”

Chan glares. “Didn’t you say you were busy tonight?”

“I was,” you say, “but now I’m free. So lucky you, I can spend the rest of Valentine’s Day with my real best friend.”

Chan blinks. His grip on his cup tightens for a fraction of a second. Then, casually, he mutters, “So you do care.”

You snort. “Obviously. I can’t let you wallow alone on the most romantic day of the year.”

He sighs dramatically. “And here I thought I’d finally be free from your annoying presence.”

You grin. “Never.”

Chan just shakes his head, but he gestures toward the counter. “Go order. I already know you’re gonna steal my food.”

You laugh and head up to order, feeling lighter. What you don’t see is the small, almost relieved smile Chan has as he watches you go.

After ordering you slide back into the seat, but instead of sitting across from him you plop down right beside him. Close enough that your arm brushes against his.

Chan pauses mid-sip of his drink, side-eyeing you. “…What are you doing?”

You blink up at him innocently. “Giving you attention.”

His eyes narrow. “Why?”

You grin. “Because I know you’ve been sulking all day.”

Chan scoffs, setting his cup down with an unnecessary amount of force. “I have not been sulking.”

You hum. “Mmm. And denial is river in Egypt” You shake your head, resting your chin on his shoulder dramatically. “Well, since my not-jealous best friend has been neglected all day, I’m here now.”

Chan rolls his eyes, but you don’t miss the way his body relaxes slightly. “…Took you long enough.”

You nudge him. “Aww, you missed me.”

“I didn’t.”

“You did.”

“I really didn’t.”

You grin, lifting your head. “So, what are we doing for the rest of the night? I assume you have no plans with some mystery Valentine?”

Chan gives you a look. “If I had one, I wouldn’t be here with you.”

“Ouch.”

He snickers, nudging your knee with his. “You’re the one who ditched me today.”

You sigh dramatically. “And I have seen the error of my ways.” You gesture to yourself. “That’s why I’m here now, making up for it.”

Chan hums, pretending to think. “…Alright. I’ll allow it.”

You giggle. “How gracious of you.”

He smirks, leaning back against the seat. “You do owe me, though.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Oh?”

Chan tilts his head toward you, eyes glinting. “Yeah. For every hour you spent with Mark today, you owe me double in quality time.”

Your jaw drops. “Double?!”

“Yep.” He stretches his arms behind his head smugly. “You better clear your schedule.”

You scoff, crossing your arms. “Chan, you’ve been hogging my time for the past 26 years and no one’s complaining.”

“That’s different.”

“Oh? How?”

Chan shrugs. “I have dibs.”

“Dibs?! On my entire life?”

He nods, completely serious. “Obviously.”

You laugh, nudging his shoulder. “You are ridiculous.”

He clicks his tongue, shaking his head. “You know, I could’ve had plans.”

You give him a look. “Chan. If you had plans, you wouldn’t be sitting in our usual café, waiting for me to show up.”

He opens his mouth, then closes it. Then he sighs, slumping in defeat. “…Okay, fine. Maybe I was waiting for you.”

You smirk in victory. “Knew it.”

Chan rolls his eyes but doesn’t argue. Instead, he leans back against the booth, glancing at you out of the corner of his eye.

“You know,” he mutters, “26 years is a long time.”

You nod. “Yep. And you’ve had me all to yourself.”

He hums. “Guess that’s why it felt weird today.”

Your smirk falters slightly. “…Weird how?”

Chan shrugs, playing with the lid of his cup. “I dunno. Just—off. Like something was missing.”

You stare at him, heart doing something stupid. Again. Because it’s just Chan. Your best friend. The person who’s always been there, in sync with you like it’s second nature.

But right now, under the dim café lights, with his fingers absentmindedly fidgeting and his voice softer than usual…

It feels like something else.

Like something more.

You clear your throat, forcing a grin. “Well, lucky for you, I’m here now.”

Chan glances at you, then smiles. Small, but warm.

“Yeah,” he says. “You are.”

Chan is dying.

Okay, maybe that’s dramatic, but come on.

Coach ran them extra hard today, and his legs feel like lead. He barely had time to grab his stuff before running out of the locker room—because the moment he saw your text saying, “At the café near campus,” he was already out the door.

And now, standing outside the café, sweaty and exhausted, he immediately spots you through the window. You’re at a small table, sipping on an iced drink, scrolling through your phone.

And sitting across from you?

Mark.

Chan stops dead in his tracks.

Oh. It’s him again.

His grip tightens around the strap of his sports bag. He tells himself to be rational. You and Mark are literally just research partners. You even told him that but that doesn’t stop the annoyance bubbling up in his chest as he watches you laugh at something Mark says.

Taking a deep breath, Chan pushes the door open.

The little bell above the entrance chimes, and when you look up, your face immediately brightens.

“Chan!”

Mark turns to glance at him too, offering a polite nod.

Chan doesn’t even acknowledge him.

Instead, he plops himself into the empty seat next to you—not across, because that would leave Mark sitting across from both of you, and he refuses to make this feel like some group bonding activity.

You blink at him. “Wow. You look rough.”

Chan exhales heavily, dropping his bag to the floor. “Gee, thanks.”

You giggle, pushing your drink toward him. “Here, you can have some”

Chan takes a long sip, shooting a triumphant look at Mark over the rim of the straw. Mark, to his credit, looks completely unbothered.

Chan hates him.

“So,” you say, turning back to Mark, “you were saying?”

Mark nods. “Yeah, I was thinking we should finalize our thesis outline by this weekend.”

Chan immediately cuts in. “Oh, this weekend?” He tilts his head. “Didn’t you say you were busy this weekend?”

You frown. “Did I?”

“Yes.”

“No, I didn’t?”

“You definitely did.”

You stare at him for a second before realization dawns. “Ohhh. You mean your game?”

Chan shrugs. “Well, yeah. You always watch.”

That was not meant to sound like an accusation, but it kind of came out like one. Mark raises an eyebrow, but wisely chooses to sip his drink instead of commenting.

You sigh. “Chan, it’s just research. I can do both.”

Chan hums in response, taking another sip of your drink. He knows he’s being a little ridiculous. But the thing is Mark is too nice. Too polite. Too unbothered by Chan’s presence.

And for some reason, that pisses him off.

You, completely oblivious, nudge him. “Why are you acting weird again?”

Chan scoffs. “I’m not acting weird.”

Mark snorts.

Chan glares at him.

Mark glances between you and Chan, his expression unreadable. Then, casually, he tilts his head and asks, “Should I go?”

You blink. “Huh? Why?”

Chan, who was mid-sip of your drink, almost chokes. Yes, Mark. Please go.

Mark shrugs. “I mean…” He gestures vaguely at Chan. ���Seems like I’m interrupting something.”

You frown. “What? No, you’re not—”

Chan, at the exact same time, goes, “Yeah, maybe.”

Silence.

You whip your head around to stare at Chan while Mark raises an eyebrow, amused.

Chan clears his throat, suddenly realizing he’s about to get murdered. “I mean, you know,” he backtracks quickly, “if you have to go, I wouldn’t stop you.”

Mark just grins, sipping his drink like he didn’t just blow up Chan’s entire existence.

Mark stands, grabbing his bag. “Well, I’ll head out then. See you in class.”

You nod, smiling. “Yeah, see you!”

Chan leans back in his chair, arms crossed. “Yeah, bye.”

Mark pauses just before turning away, glancing back at the two of you with a very amused expression. “Oh, by the way—if I don’t reply later, it’s ‘cause I’m picking my girlfriend up.”

Silence.

Chan blinks.

You blink.

Mark just smiles and gives Chan a little pat on the shoulder. “Take care, man.”

Then he walks off, leaving devastation in his wake. You slowly turn to look at Chan, eyes wide. “Did he just—”

Chan stares blankly at the table. Processing.

“…You were sulking,” you say, voice shaking with laughter. “You were jealous—”

“I was not,” Chan says immediately.

You cackle. “You were so jealous—”

“I was not!”

“Oh my God,” you wheeze, grabbing his arm. “And for what?”

Chan groans, dropping his head onto the table. “I hate him.”

You pat his back, still dying of laughter. “At least now you know you were literally competing with nobody.”

Chan lifts his head just enough to squint at you. “Shut up.”

You grin. “Make me.”

Chan groans again, dragging a hand down his face. “I’m never living this down, am I?”

You shake your head, beaming. “Not a chance.”

The walk home is quiet—well, mostly quiet, aside from your occasional giggles at Chan’s expense. He pretends not to hear them. It’s fine. He deserves this but as the two of you turn onto your street, you suddenly stop walking.

Chan takes a few more steps before realizing you’re not beside him anymore. He turns back and sees you standing there, arms wide open.

He squints. “What… are you doing?”

You tilt your head, like it’s obvious. “You looked like you needed a hug.”

Chan blinks. “What?”

You wiggle your fingers at him. “Come on.”

Chan stares at you.

It’s not like you’ve never hugged before—you guys grew up together. But something about you standing there, arms stretched out just for him, makes his chest feel… weird.

And maybe it’s because of how stupid he feels about the whole Mark thing. Or because you’ve been making fun of him all day.

Or maybe it’s just because you always know exactly what he needs.

Chan sighs. “This is dumb.”

You grin. “And yet, you’re already moving.”

He grumbles under his breath but steps forward anyway, letting you wrap your arms around him. Maybe he did need this.

Your warmth seeps through his hoodie, and without thinking, he buries his face into your shoulder, exhaling softly.

You squeeze him a little tighter. “See? Was that so hard?”

Chan rolls his eyes but doesn’t let go. “Shut up.”

You laugh, resting your chin on his shoulder. “Never.”

And just like that, the weight in his chest feels a little lighter.

Chan barely makes it through his front door before he’s pulling out his phone. He flops onto his bed, staring at the ceiling for a moment before dialing Vernon.

It rings twice before Vernon picks up. “What’s up?”

Chan sighs, rubbing his face. “I think something’s wrong with me.”

There’s a beat of silence. Then, in the most casual, bored tone, Vernon goes, “So you finally realize it.”

Chan frowns, sitting up. “Wait, what?”

Vernon hums like he’s not just blowing up Chan’s entire world. “Took you long enough.”

Chan blinks. “Took me long enough for what?”

Vernon sighs, like this is painfully obvious. “To realize you like her, dude.”

Chan chokes. “I—what?!”

Vernon laughs. “Oh, come on. You sulked over Mark for days. You act like she’s your entire world. You’re literally on the phone with me right now calling me out of nowhere because don’t know what to do with yourself.”

Chan freezes.

Vernon keeps going, completely unbothered. “You like her, man. Have for a while, probably. Honestly, it’s funny you’re only figuring it out now.”

Chan stares at the ceiling. His brain is short-circuiting.

“Chan?”

Chan swallows. “...Holy shit.”

Vernon chuckles. “Yup.”

Chan groans, collapsing back onto his bed. “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

Vernon hums, like he’s thinking. “I don’t know… maybe do something about it?”

Chan groans again. “This is the worst day of my life.”

Vernon laughs. “No, man. This is just the beginning.”

The stadium lights cast a bright glow over the field, illuminating the players as they jog back toward the sidelines for halftime. The crowd is buzzing with excitement, but Chan?

Chan is looking for you.

He spotted you the second you arrived—rushing into the stands, slightly out of breath, still in your meeting outfit, clearly freezing because of course you forgot your jacket.

Chan huffs, running straight past his teammates and into the locker room.

“Yo, where are you going?” one of them calls after him.

“Be right back!” he shouts over his shoulder, already digging through his locker.

He finds his jacket in a heap with his other stuff, grabs it, and runs back out before anyone can say anything. You’re sitting on the bleachers, rubbing your arms, trying to look like you’re not turning into a popsicle.

“Are you serious?” Chan says as he reaches you, already draping his jacket over your shoulders.

You blink up at him. “What?”

He sighs, crouching down in front of you so you’re at eye level. “It’s freezing.”

You grin sheepishly. “Yeah, but I made it.”

Chan scowls, zipping the jacket up for you. “You could’ve at least brought something.”

“I was in a rush!” you argue. “Didn’t wanna miss your game!”

Chan pauses.

He’s so busy being annoyed that you forgot your jacket, he almost forgets that you ran here straight from your meeting, just so you wouldn’t miss this.

His lips press together, and instead of scolding you again, he just pulls the hood up over your head, gently adjusting it so it covers your ears.

“…Just stay warm, okay?” he murmurs.

You nod, smiling. “Okay.”

He rolls his eyes but jogs back onto the field, suddenly way more determined than before.

Because now?

Now he’s really got something to win for.

You see it happen—one second, Chan’s dribbling up the field, focused, quick on his feet. The next, an opponent slams into him way too hard, sending him crashing to the ground.

Your heart stops.

“Hey!” you shout, already moving before you can think.

Chan's tough. He knows how to take a hit. But that was too much. your hands ball into fists as you march down the stands, ready to do God-knows-what to the other player, but before you can get very far, two hands clamp down on your shoulders.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Vernon says, physically holding you bac

You struggle against his grip. “Did you see that?!”

“Yes,” Vernon sighs. “And so did the ref, so sit down”

“Let me go, I just wanna talk,” you lie, glaring daggers at the guy who knocked Chan over

Wonwoo, sitting beside Seungkwan, lifts a brow. “Yeah, I don’t believe that.”

Seungkwan nods solemnly. “She’s about to ruin that man’s career.”

“Or his life,” Wonwoo adds

“I should!” you snap. “Did you see the way he slammed into Chan?! He didn’t even go for the ball!”

Vernon grunts as you try to lunge forward again. “Okay, nope, that’s enough violence for today.”

You huff, crossing your arms as you watch Chan sit on the bench, stretching his legs. He doesn’t look hurt. More annoyed than anything

“Relax,” Vernon mutters, finally loosening his grip on you. “Chan’s fine. He just needs a minute.”

You sigh, watching as Chan gets back up, shaking out his arms. He glances toward the stands, spots you, and gives you a little nod like he knows exactly what just happened.

You nod back.

He smiles.

Yeah. That guy is lucky Vernon was holding you back.

The game ends with a win, and as soon as the whistle blows, you’re already making your way down the stands. By the time you reach the field, Chan is grinning, sweaty, and very pleased with himself.

But before he can say anything, you grab his face, squishing his cheeks between your palms

“Are you okay?!” you demand, inspecting him like he’s a fragile antique.

Chan blinks at you, lips puffed from how you’re holding his face. “Mmmf—I’mm ffine—”

“Are you sure?” You narrow your eyes, turning his face side to side. “Nothing hurts? No bruises? No internal injuries?”

He pulls your hands off his face, laughing. “I promise, I’m fine.”

You scoff, unconvinced. “I almost fought someone for you, you know.”

“I know.” Chan grins. “I saw Vernon holding you back.”

Vernon, who’s just approaching with Seungkwan and Wonwoo, smirks. “Yeah, she was this close to committing a felony.”

Chan snorts. “I believe it.”

“I should have, honestly,” you mutter. “That guy slammed into you for no reason.”

“He’s just bitter we were winning,” Chan shrugs, tossing his arm over your shoulder. “Doesn’t matter now.”

“You matter,” you grumble, still clearly not over it.

Chan freezes for a fraction of a second.

Then, with the smuggest grin, he nudges you. “Aww, you care about me.”

You roll your eyes. “Unfortunately.”

Chan just keeps grinning, pulling you closer as the five of you walk off the field. “Let’s go eat. I think our future convict here needs to blow off some steam.”

You sigh. “If I ever do fight someone for you, you better appreciate it.”

Chan just laughs, squeezing your shoulder.

“Oh, I would.”

After the game and grabbing dinner with the others. You and Chan walk side by side, the night quiet except for the occasional passing car and the sound of your footsteps on the pavement. You can’t help but glance at him again.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” you ask for what has to be the tenth time.

Chan lets out a soft laugh, shaking his head. “You really don’t believe me, huh?”

You shrug. “I just… I worry.”

His laughter dies down a little, replaced by something softer. Something fond.

“You’re cute when you do that,” he says, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

Your face warms. “Shut up.”

“I mean it.” He grins. “But I promise—nothing hurts, I’m all good. Really.”

You study his face, searching for any sign of discomfort, any hidden pain he’s trying to play off. But there’s nothing. Just Chan, looking at you with that annoyingly charming smile.

“…Fine,” you mutter, finally giving in.

Chan tilts his head, watching you for a moment before he asks, “Do you need a hug?”

You blink, caught off guard. “Huh?”

“You’ve been worrying all night,” he says with a knowing smile. “Do you need a hug?”

You huff, crossing your arms. “I don’t—” nut before you can finish, Chan steps closer and wraps you up in his arms. Warm, solid, him.

Your face immediately finds his shoulder. “I didn’t say yes.”

He chuckles, his chest rumbling against yours. “Yeah, but you also didn’t say no.”

You stay like that for a second, the cold forgotten, the streetlights casting a soft glow around you. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, your fingers curling into the fabric of his hoodie.

“…Okay, maybe I did need a hug,” you admit, voice muffled.

Chan laughs again, his chin resting lightly on your head. “Told you.”

Chan’s arms tighten around you just a little, like he knows you need this, even if you won’t say it out loud. The night air is cold, but he’s warm—steady in a way that makes your shoulders finally relax.

He leans down slightly, voice soft, just for you. “I’m okay,” he whispers.

You feel it more than you hear it—the quiet reassurance, the way he’s always quick to put you at ease. Your fingers tighten slightly on the back of his hoodie. “…You better be.”

He smiles against your hair. “You really like worrying about me, huh?”

You sigh dramatically. “I don’t like it. You make me.”

Chan chuckles, and you swear you feel his laugh more than you hear it. “Noted.”

He doesn’t pull away just yet. He lets you hold on, lets you breathe. And when you finally do pull back, he’s looking at you with that same too-soft gaze.

“Better now?” he asks.

You roll your eyes, but the small nod you give him doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Good,” he murmurs.

And just like that, with the weight of the night feeling a little lighter, you keep walking—Chan’s hand brushing against yours the whole way home.

“I’m fucked.”

Vernon, who had been peacefully scrolling through his phone, barely glanced up. “Uh… why?”

Chan opened his mouth. Then closed it. Then opened it again.

Then he groaned, dragging his hands down his face. “Because. I like her.”

Now, that got Vernon’s attention. He locked his phone and turned fully to face him, eyebrows raised. “You just realized this?”

Chan threw his arms up. “I didn’t—I mean, I did, but not like—like this.”

Vernon stared. “Like what?”

Chan looked completely distressed, gripping his hair like the weight of the universe had just crashed onto his shoulders. “Like—I see her all the time and it’s normal. It’s us. But last night, when she hugged me—” He cut himself off, inhaling sharply.

Vernon’s lips twitched. “You’re so dramatic.”

“Shut up!” Chan groaned again. “It’s different now. I felt different. And I keep thinking about it and—” He turned to Vernon, his expression so genuinely confused. “Why the hell does my chest feel weird?”

Vernon gave him a look. “Chan.”

“What?”

Vernon sighed, shaking his head. “You’re so late to your own love story, bro.”

Chan frowned. “What—”

“Everyone knew,” Vernon continued. “Seungkwan, Wonwoo, me. Your moms, dude. Everybody saw this coming.”

Chan looked genuinely offended. “No one told me?!”

Vernon deadpanned. “Told you? You grew up with her. How did you not know?”

Chan was still reeling, sitting there like his entire life had just been rewritten in real time. His best friend. The girl who had been by his side for 26 years. The person he’d trusted more than anyone.

He liked you. No—he was in love with you.

And then, like the universe was out to personally ruin him, you appeared. Literally skipping across the courtyard, beaming like the happiest person alive, your eyes instantly finding his like they always did.

And just like that, the world slowed down.

Chan swore he stopped breathing.

The way the sun hit your face just right, the way your hair bounced with every skip, the way you waved like you hadn’t seen him in years when in reality, it had been less than 24 hours—

He was so done for.

"Chan!" you called, finally reaching them, breathless and so effortlessly beautiful it made his head spin.

And suddenly, all he could think about was—

How had he not noticed this before?

How had he been so blind?

You grinned, practically glowing. “Guess what?”

Chan blinked. Right. Words. He needed words.

Vernon, still beside him, smirked knowingly. That traitor.

“Uh—what?” Chan finally managed, his voice a little too tight.

You rocked on your heels, still smiling. “Mark and I finally finished our research paper! I am so free.”

Chan was barely processing the words. He was too busy looking at you, at the way your nose scrunched when you were excited, at how you were standing so close, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

He swallowed hard. “T-That’s… great.”

You tilted your head, squinting at him. “You okay?”

Vernon snorted.

Chan stiffened. “I—I’m fine.”

Lies. He was not fine.

Because now, standing there, looking at you like this—like he was seeing you for the first time—one single, undeniable thought hit him like a truck:

He was completely in love with you.

And he was absolutely doomed.

He didn't say anything. He was still your Chan. Your bestfriend. But there are moments when he makes your heart skip a few beats, leaving you all flustered.

You’re standing between the tall shelves of the library, flipping through the pages of a book, when you feel it. Someone standing just a little too close behind you. Before you can turn around, a weight settles on your shoulder.

Chan.

His chin rests there like it belongs, his voice low and lazy in your ear. “Whatcha reading?”

You nearly drop the book.

“Jesus, Chan,” you hiss, pressing a hand to your chest. “Do you have to sneak up on people like that?”

He chuckles but doesn’t move away. If anything, he shifts just slightly, his warmth pressing against your back. “It’s not sneaking. You just weren’t paying attention.”

You glare at him over your shoulder. “I was focused.”

“Same thing.” He tilts his head, glancing at the book in your hands. “So? What’s got you so absorbed that you didn’t even notice your best friend coming to find you?”

You swallow, suddenly hyper-aware of how close he is.

“This,” you say, holding up the book between you.

He hums, reaching around you to take it, his fingers brushing against yours. Your breath catches.

“Boring,” he announces after a quick scan, grinning as he hands it back.

You scoff. “You didn’t even read it.”

“Didn’t have to. Your face says it all.”

You roll your eyes, trying to ignore the way your heart is hammering. This is just Chan, you tell yourself. He’s always been touchy, always been playful.

But lately, it feels… different.

You clear your throat. “What are you doing here anyway?”

He shrugs. “Saw your text that you were studying, figured I’d come keep you company.”

You glance up at him, and for a second, something warm flickers in his gaze before he schools his expression back to his usual easygoing smile.

Chan doesn’t say much after that hr just follows you back to the table, plopping down beside you like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

You try to focus on your work, but it’s impossible when he’s right beside you, radiating warmth.

“What?” you finally ask, glancing at him.

He blinks, as if he hadn’t even realized you were looking. “What?”

“You’re just… sitting there.”

He shrugs. “Yeah. You said you were finishing up, so I’m waiting.”

You narrow your eyes. “And that’s all?”

He grins. “What else would I be doing?”

You don’t have an answer for that, so you roll your eyes and turn back to your notes. There goes your heart doing that thing again.

You keep it to yourself for a while. You don’t know how to bring it up, or if you even should. It’s just… a mess in your head—your best friend, your always-there person, and now this whole new feeling you don’t know how to deal with.

But Chan? He’s really not helping. He does things like when you’re crossing the street together, and he just grabs your hand. Or when you’re walking home late, and you don’t even get a chance to complain about the cold because he’s already draping his jacket over your shoulders. Then, without asking, he zips it up for you, tugging the collar up so it shields your neck.

“There,” he says, satisfied. “Better.”

You nod dumbly, gripping the sleeves.

You’re trying so hard to act normal, but he’s making it impossible. Because every time he does something like this, you feel it—the way your heart jumps, the way warmth pools in your stomach, the way you suddenly have to remind yourself to breathe.

And the worst part?

He does it so casually, like he has no idea what he’s doing to you.

That was one of the most intense matches you’d ever sat through.

Your fingers are still clenched into your jacket sleeves, your heart still hammering from the last few minutes of the game. It had been a close one—too close. The score had been tied until the very last moment, when Chan made the final play, twisting through defenders with the kind of sharp, practiced movement that had the entire crowd holding its breath.

And then—goal.

The stadium erupted. Cheers, chants, the entire team practically tackling each other in celebration. The air was electric, filled with so much adrenaline you could feel it buzzing under your skin.

But Chan?

He didn’t care about the noise, or the people, or anything else happening around him. Because the moment the whistle blew, the moment victory was secured he turned. His eyes searched the stands, frantic and determined, scanning every face, every row—until they found you.

And then he was running.

Your breath caught as he sprinted toward you, weaving past teammates and coaches like they weren’t even there. You froze for half a second—then melted.

His body was warm, even through his jersey damp with sweat, his heartbeat still racing under your cheek. He smelled like the field, like grass and effort and something distinctly him. His arms stayed firm around you, like he had no plans of letting go anytime soon.

“I knew you’d be here,” he murmured, his voice slightly breathless, and you felt his smile against your hair.

“Where else would I be?” you mumbled back, your hands gripping the fabric of his jersey.

He pulled back just enough to look at you, and the intensity in his gaze made your stomach flip. His eyes were shining, excitement and relief and something else swirling in them, something you couldn’t quite name.

You just stood there, still feeling the ghost of Chan’s hug around you, your heartbeat thundering in your ears.

You had no idea what just happened but you knew one thing for sure. It was getting harder and harder to pretend you didn’t feel the same.

Just as the team was pulling him into their celebration, just as you thought he’d be too distracted by the victory, Chan did something that completely knocked the air from your lungs.

He turned back.

His eyes found yours again, cutting through the chaos like nothing else mattered. He took a step closer, placed his hands on your shoulders then, softly, gently, he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

The world stopped.

His lips lingered for a second longer than necessary, like he wasn’t in a rush to pull away. And when he finally did, he rested his forehead against yours for the briefest moment, eyes still closed, his breath warm against your skin.

Then, with a small smile, he whispered, “Thank you for always being here.”

And just like that, he was gone—yanked back into the mass of his teammates, laughter and cheers swallowing him whole.

But you?

You were frozen in place, gripping the front of your jacket like it could somehow hold you together, like it could somehow stop the way your heart was pounding against your ribs.

Chan had taken his time in the locker room, letting the adrenaline from the game settle. He changed into a fresh hoodie and sweatpants, ran a towel through his damp hair, and finally slung his bag over his shoulder.

He expected the field to be empty when he walked back out, expected the stands to be deserted and the night to be quiet—everyone had left by now but you were still there.

Standing alone in the middle of the field, arms wrapped around yourself against the chilly night air, looking up at the sky.

He took a deep breath and walked toward you.

“You’re gonna catch a cold standing out here,” he called out, his voice cutting through the quiet.

You turned at the sound of his voice, your expression unreadable. But when he got closer, he noticed the way your fingers were gripping your sleeves—the same way they did when you were nervous, or thinking too hard about something.

“You didn’t go with the others?” he asked.

You shook your head. “I… just wanted to stay here for a little while.”

Something was different.

The way you were looking at him—the way you weren’t looking away.

The way the silence between you wasn’t awkward, but heavy, like something was waiting to be said.

And then you took a small step closer.

“You really meant it, didn’t you?” you asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Chan swallowed. “Meant what?”

You gave him a look—one that told him you weren’t going to let him play dumb.

“Everything,” you said. “The way you look at me. The way you act around me. The way you kissed me—” You stopped, visibly flustered, then corrected yourself. “—kissed my forehead.”

Chan felt his heart trip over itself.

“I—” He exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand over his face. “Yeah. I meant it.”

He looked at you then, really looked at you. The girl he’d grown up with. The person who knew him better than anyone else. The one who had always been by his side, no matter what.

And suddenly, he felt like an idiot for ever thinking he could hide it. The world could’ve ended right then and there, and he wouldn’t have noticed.

Because you—you—were looking at him like he was the only thing in the world that mattered.

And he knew, without a doubt, that he had never, ever been happier.

You took a small breath, looked at him, and softly said,

“I need a hug.”

His stomach flipped, he didn’t even hesitate he closed the distance between you in a second, arms wrapping around you tightly, one hand cradling the back of your head as he pulled you in.

Chan exhaled slowly, resting his chin against the top of your head. He felt you sigh against his chest, your arms tightening around his waist, like you weren’t planning on letting go anytime soon.

One second, he was looking at you, heart racing, the realization sinking in that this was real, that you were real, and the next—

He kissed you.

It was instinctive, like muscle memory, like something he was always meant to do. His lips barely brushed yours before he pulled back, eyes wide, breath shaky, as if he was waiting for you to push him away, to laugh it off, to pretend it never happened.

But you didn’t.

Instead, before he could say anything—before he could even process it—you grabbed the front of his hoodie and yanked him right back in.

Chan barely had time to gasp before your lips were on his again, firmer this time, more sure, like you had been waiting for this, too.

And God, if that wasn’t enough to completely wreck him.

His hands found your waist again, fingers gripping tightly as he kissed you back without hesitation, letting himself get lost in you, in the way you fit against him, in the way your lips moved with his like you’d done this a hundred times before.

Like you should have done this a hundred times before.

When you finally broke apart, you were both breathless, foreheads resting against each other, the only sound between you the quiet hum of the night and the pounding of your hearts.

Chan let out a shaky laugh. “So… are we still pretending we don’t know what this is?”

You huffed, rolling your eyes, but the small, breathless smile on your lips gave you away. “Shut up and kiss me again.”

Chan grinned. “Gladly.”

BONUS SCENE:

“Pay up,” Seungkwan whispered, holding out his hand expectantly.

Vernon groaned, fishing out a few bills from his wallet and slapping them into Seungkwan’s palm. “I really thought they’d take another year.”

Wonwoo, leaning casually against the bleachers with his arms crossed, smirked. “Nah. Chan’s been a goner since middle school. This was inevitable.”

Seungkwan grinned, smug. “Told you. The universe had this scripted ages ago.”

Down on the field, completely oblivious to their audience, you and Chan were still lost in each other, exchanging quiet words and stolen kisses under the stadium lights.

Vernon shook his head with a sigh. “Do we tell them we’ve been watching?”

Wonwoo gave him a flat look. “Do you want to die?”

Seungkwan snorted. “Exactly. Let’s just let them have their moment. We can make fun of them after.”

Vernon sighed again but nodded. “Fine. But just so we’re clear…” He glanced back down at you and Chan, who were still completely wrapped up in each other.

“…We are never letting them live this down.”

[savanir]

The cure to vampirism is to never get turned at all

Dick is not ashamed to admit he's in trouble. 

He's surrounded on all sides by vampires (because that's a thing now), he's put in this situation by his sister which is just great. Some ancient vampire lady named Pandora says she needs him to defeat the Queen of Blood named Mary and he's pretty sure that involves him being turned into a vampire as well, which he doesn't want. 

He's good but even he can tell his odds are pretty shit. There is no backup coming and even if he could call them they would never arrive on time. 

And of course he's in his civvies and doesn't have any of his gear. Just fantastic. 

But if he goes down he'll go down fighting.

"DANIEL!!"

everything screeches to a halt as the furious booming male voice echoes through the room. 

A large ornate wooden double door in the back slams open and a young man rushes through slamming them closed behind him.

Intricate red and green flashes of energy cover the doors and then the young man turns to the crowd in the fancy crypt.

"Our young gifted prince? There is no need for you to attend this meeting, But if there is a way we may assis-?" The question hovers in the air, choked off as the young man runs forward and with hands shimmering in eerie venomous green and deep blood red energy he tears through the random vampire's throat, startling all the others. 

"I'm putting an end to this madness, here and now" He drops the gradually disintegrating corpse on the ground. 

"Young prince!?" Exclaims lady Pandora.

For Dick things become a blur after that. Screaming and screeching and inhuman growling. The young man easily tears through them all with his powers. It seems some form of backup did arrive, but if this is a blessing or a curse remains to be seen.

Dick doesn't understand though, he seems to be one of them so why...?

One second they are all still fighting then the next the old vampire lady is lying dead on the ground, gradually turning into dust. The vampires who remain all stare at the young man in shock. “he… he killed Pandora, our oldest. The strongest of us” 

None of them seem to know what to do now. There are a lot of dead vampires all around, in Dick’s humble opinion this meeting could not have gone worse for the acolytes of shadow. He’s not feeling too upset about that though considering what they wanted from him. Still, the fact that they aren’t outright trying to kill this young prince in retaliation… he must be someone special, that alone is more than enough for Dick to keep his guard up around him.

Then the young man darts forward and grabs Dick's wrist, "we have to leave, the seal I put on the door is about to break. I won't be able to protect you from him"

"Who?" Dick can’t help but ask as they both start running for the exit. The young man quickly dragging him up the stairs. For a split second does Dick think about Melinda, he’s not entirely sure if she was among the ones killed or not. She was the one who tricked him into that mess. 

Well, she absolutely knew the consequences, she told them about him being Nightwing, if whatever is left down there decides to punish her for this fiasco that’s probably what she deserves.

"I'll explain everything later, I promise, but we need to go now!"

The furious noises behind them grow steadily in volume. Danny pushes Dick forward as he slams the red fake fridge door closed behind them and another flash or red and green covers that as well, another seal of sorts most likely. The one other person in the kitchen startles as the two of them run past him.

"Who are you?"

"Call me Danny, now this way, quick!" the young prince, Danny apparently, faults over the Waffle House front desk Dick not hesitating to do the same.

"DANIEL HOW DARE YOU!" comes faintly from behind them as Danny slams the fake establishments front doors open and pulls Dick out of there.

"Oh he's next level mad" mutters Danny as they are running again. Meanwhile Dick is just very glad to be breathing in the fresh cold night air of Bludhaven. 

However, his legs are having trouble keeping up with the pace, he has taken some serious hits and those things definitely don't pull any punches. 

He can’t help the faint pained groan and the speed with which the other man snaps his attention back on him almost makes him flinch. 

"Do you need a hand?"

"I'm fine"

"Here let me-" 

Next thing Dick knows he's being carried, if he wasn't friends with so many supers and speedsters he'd probably be flailing. Instead he's just kinda used to it and lets it happen even if it’s a bit awkward what with Danny being a bit shorter than him.

He's glad when they get to a safehouse and Danny puts him on the couch. He then goes to fetch Dick the first aid kit. 

"Who were we running from?"

"Old as balls vampire lord named Vladimir Masters, he’s in cahoots with the acolytes of shadow. And I guess he’s now fully in charge seeing Pandora just had her final death."

Dick pauses and just looks at him. 

"Yes he's really named that" Danny looks rather tired.

"And I'm guessing he's the sort who is going to be a massive headache"

"I mean they had this whole plan of world domination, you were a key player in that plan which is now completely ruined by the way. I was part of it too but I really don't want anything to do with any of that so... here we are"

"Here we are"

It's only when Dick is fully bandaged that Danny flops down in the nearest arm chair and drops his head in his hands and takes a deep shuddering breath. Perhaps all the murder is catching up to him? 

"Are you okay?"

"Don't mind me, I'm just... thirsty... I'll be fine" 

"Ah yes of course, vampire."

"I'm unfortunately a vampire yeah but don’t get it twisted, I'm absolutely not one of them" Danny looks up and sneers, Dick can now clearly see the fangs. “Seeing humans as cattle… the absolute moronic-” Danny trails off in furious muttering. “living in a world with demons and angels and aliens and whatever else but no we’re the ones who deserve special treatment.”

Dick makes a choice and then gets up, Danny watching him go and curiously listening to him opening and closing something in a different room before coming back and holding out a blood bag with a bit of IV tube hanging out of it. 

"Here you go."

“Oh! thank you,” Danny gladly takes the bag, "You just have bags of blood in your house?"  

"You never know when you need an emergency blood transfusion. Especially considering my nightly activities." … you know that sounds kinda vampiric in it’s own way doesn’t it?

Danny snorts and starts drinking. It kind of looks like a huge capri-sun that way. It's sort of adorable. 

If only it wasn't a massive plastic bag of Dick's own blood but whatever. 

They both fall quiet as Danny focuses on his drink and Dick takes a moment to think about the absolute mess he just went through.

“Someone called you gifted… what did they mean by that?”

“This mostly,” Danny holds out his hand and shows Dick the strange glowing mixture of red and green energy he saw down in the crypt. “I am a huge anomaly because I became a vampire while I was half alive and half dead. What that means for the most part is enhanced powers, I am even harder to kill than a regular vampire and you cannot fix my vampirism with one of those disgusting smelling pits of… what was it called? Lar- Lazard?” “Lazarus,”

"Yes that! Anyway I am like.. the backup to their world domination plan, initially they just wanted me to be their weapon but I have morals, pesky things, super annoying according to them. Which is why they decided to ‘recruit’ you. But I managed to screw that up too.” Danny looks very satisfied with himself about that. 

“Thanks for that” Dick says genuinely earning him a cheeky sharp fanged grin from Danny. Though he wished it had not involved such a massive carnage, he’s very glad he’s not a vampire right now. Beggars can’t be choosers he guesses.

“It would probably be best to get the League involved, root them all out. Vlad is definitely going to make more drastic moves now that things have turned out this way.”

Dick ponders to himself, “Yeah… let’s be Helsing about it,” He already got a Vampire on his side too.

Danny dejectedly looks down at his empty blood bag, “... can I have another?” He asks carefully.

“Sure!” responds Dick with a smile that finally manages to ease the tension out of Danny’s shoulders.

[emmaaxobabyy]

˖ ֹ੭୧ needy ⊹ ࣪ ⑅

nikki sixx x female reader ༝༚༝༚ little reminder: whenever i write, everything is consensual between the reader & the person ❤︎

word count: 1063

(requested) ᵎᵎ

obsession.

nikki has a very addictive personality with everything in life. but with you, you were a completely different story. your taste, your smell, the way you moaned his name, made his cock twitched with ease every single time.

reminiscing on the countless late nights, groaning as he started to palm himself through his jeans, getting flashbacks of every position nikki had you in. he couldn't stop himself, calling you over and over again until you picked up. hearing your voice on the other end caused nikki to let out a sigh of relief, as if he was holding his breath without even realizing it.

oh thank god... baby girl i missed you so much, would you mind paying daddy a visit?

fast forward

after a few sips of red wine, nikki's lingering touches, roaming from your hands to your thighs, he finally had you where he wanted, in his bed where you belonged. your submissive nature making the natural process go by much easier. nevertheless, nikki always took this time when it came to you. the sexual tension in the air was his favorite part, it was the foreplay before the actual foreplay.

as you laid on your back, your legs spread wide, wearing nothing but your lacey black panties, nikki crawled in your direction. his glare reeking of dominance, viewing you as his little prey, his little sex doll.

little girl... you know daddy loves you right? he loves you so fucking much. daddy couldn't stop thinking about you, and your sweet, sweet pussy. give it to me.

his tone remaining low, as nikki gripped your thighs, dragging you closer to his mouth. pulling your panties to the side, inhaling your scent, his eyes rolled back, absolutely in love with your dripping wet pussy.

MHMM! alll mine, isn't that right?

your brain was going hay-wire, not able to think straight as you felt his tongue immediately crash against core, using his fingers to spread your lips apart giving him more access to your pulsing clit. a few seconds go by, hearing nothing but intense wet sounds coming from nikki as he continued to make out with your pussy.

f-fuck n-nikki please-e

nikki? did you just call him nikki?

lifting his head up, looking directly at you as his eyes darkened, an idea popped into his head.

excuse me baby girl, what did you just call me?

your eyes widened, realizing your mistake. but before you could mutter a single sentence out, he stuck two fingers inside of you, roughly finger fucking you as he bought his mouth back onto your pussy. smirking to himself as you moaned, just like nikki expected.

as he kept the same fast tempo the entire time, your voice shaky and desperate from every sensation. you felt that familiar built up coming close to climax, grabbing nikki's long raven hair, needing to release.

little girl, cum for me, cum for daddy. you better FUCKING cum, DO NOT disappoint daddy.

talking into your pussy was the final straw, as you felt your legs tremble, screaming on top of your lungs. nikki let out a primal growl as your juices met with his lips, devouring you, making sure he caught all your sweetness.

god, my little slut's pussy is perfect, don't stop, don't fucking stop. i need every last drop of you.

as your orgasm came to an end, you noticed that nikki's speed didn't slow down, his tongue and fingers still going at the same pace as before.

d-daddy n-no more-e, i-i m-hmmm

a sinister laugh ringing through the room, your clit becoming more and more sensitive with each passing minute.

baby doll, i thought you were smarter than that, i'm not done with you yet. aweee are you about to cry? am i too rough with you, huh? my little plaything?

spanking your thigh as he relentlessly ate your pussy, letting out a satisfied but muffled sigh against your core. holding your legs apart, making sure nothing got in the way of him having his way with you.

nikki tilted his head, getting slightly confused when he no longer heard any sound coming from your direction. darting his eyes at you, a wicked grin appeared on his face when the realization hit him.

you passed out. poor little thing.

giving your clit one last kiss before nikki wiped his face clean with his hand. your limbless frame effortlessly laying on his bed. taking your body, using it to his advantage as he slowly placed you on your hands and knees, your face gently pressed up on the pillows.

nikki was already hard but since you were still passed out, he wanted to wake you up in a very special way, the idea making more blood rush to cock. lining himself up, nikki inched himself inside of you, adding a bit of pressure. feeling your pussy tightened around him made his eyes roll back.

gasp.

chuckling to himself, as he started to go deeper.

my little baby, fuck... finally you're up! daddy missed you.

coming back to reality, feeling nikki's thick cock fill you up, you let out a loud moan, your legs still shaking from earlier. your head laying on its side, as drool started to leak out of your mouth onto the pillow.

d-daddy you-u feel s-so so-o good-d!

i can't get over how perfect you are, such a young little thing. how does it feel fucking a dirty old man? f-fuck baby d-doll keep bouncing your ass on my cock, m-my GOD!

letting your body take full control as you listened to nikki, slamming your ass against him. if that wasn't enough, he gripped onto your hips, leaving handprints on your skin, digging his nails into your delicate frame. being so worked up from eating you out before, nikki knew he wasn't going to last long.

pulling your hair back, making sure he was able to look you straight in the eyes before he came.

ANGEL! FUCK! you are such a good girl for me, daddy's gonna cum, daddy's gonna give his sweet little girl his cum, take it all for me.

tightening more around him as you heard that, his words making you weak in the knees. feeling his orgasm, his cock twitching as he released everything inside of your perfect pussy.

mhmmm... i love you angel, i love you so fucking much. t-thank you.

──★ ˙🍓 ̟ !!

[fairytwles]

GIVE ME YOUR THOUGHTS ON THE FIRST TWO EPISODES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE 🙏🙏

OK OK, I HAVE A LOT

kinda out of order and all over the place but SEASON THREE EP 1 AND 2 THOUGHTS:

THE TAG SCENE IN EPISODE ONE QUICKLY MADE ITS WAY UP TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE SEQUENCES OF THE SHOW (LOTTIE SEEING LAURA LEES GHOST IN THE MALL STILL AT #1 THO)

the scene right after that where everyone is just having a good time is so cutesy and i adored it, it was so nice to see them all so happy because i knew they're gonna get into some fuck shit this season

speaking of cutesy, AKILAHHHHHH

MY GIRL IS RASING BUNNIES???? AND DUCKS???? UGH

the beef between mari and shauna this season is so fucking funny

I'm overall liking mari a lot more this season too (though it is only the first two episodes so that could change)

"get off of me gaywad!" ok prophet mari

ADULT TAIVAN MY BELOVEDS OMG IM SO GLAD WE'RE GETTING CONTENT

callie and adult shauna my beloved's

LOTTIE FUCKING MATTHEWS!!! SHE HAS DONE NO WRONG EVER IN THE WORLD OF THE WORLDS

she is my baby, my beloved, my pookie, my princess (both teen and adult lottie)

nat looking hot as ever, serving face in the wilderness like its no ones business

three jackie mentions, I'm simply winning

one of those jackie mentions being in an interaction with nat??? jackienat truthers win once again

speaking of nat, her funeral scene made me so :( natalies mom when i fucking catch you

natalie liking swings when she was younger MADE ME SOB FOR SOME REASON

she was just a little girl :((

also nats mugshot had me oh lalaing the entire time

"keep going mar I'll make it two weeks!" made me lol, like ok mom

the thing they had for jackie, javi and wilderness baby :((

also that fucking screaching noise??? what the fuck was that??

natalie, van, gen, and tai having a fucking HOA meeting was hilarious bc yeah, what the hell sure

cutting to coach ben right after natalie said he's def dead was silly

COACH BEN FINDING T H E PIT??? (we're pretty sure)

i need to know rn what else dead cabin guy hid in those woods bc damn they coulda used that shit awhile ago

adult misty made me :((( the entire time

HER SEEING GHOST NAT AT THE BAR?? GOD

HER WEARING NATS JACKET??? SMELLING IT AND SLEEPING WITH IT??? GETTING NATS DRINK INSTEAD OF HER OWN??? FUCK

the scene where she just fucking breaks down in walters arms because of nat.... her saying she LOVES HER??? basically mistynat confirmation for me

i feel so bad for her

adult taivan restaurant dine and dash was so silly

except for the part where u know... the waiter fucking died???

he didn't have to be doing all of that though, no way he gets paid enough to chase after people

rip the waiter tho i guess

man with no eyes appearance!!! i honestly forgot abt him

ADULT LOTTIE MATTHEWS SILLIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD

she has done no wrong,

the scenes of her, misty, and callie were one of my favs

i haven't stopped thinking about her in that fucking panda face mask

speaking of callie, mf girlboss, i always believed in you girl

the guts thing?? iconic

out mistying misty herself?? incredible!! who knew it could be done!

ALSO THE ACTRESS WHO PLAYS CALLIE IS 30?!?! FUCKING CRAZY

adult shauna and jeff at the restaurant with those hotel guys

her calling them out for being nepo babies LMAO adult shauna ily

the bathroom scene was crazy

at first i for sure thought we were getting ghost jackie, but like a different scene from the trailer bc shauna wasn't wearing the same outfit

but then after the phone thing i knew it prob had to do with hillary swank

adult shauna funniest character in the show its true

MARI FALLING INTO THE PIT???

THAT REVEAL HAD ME GAGGED

SAME WITH BEN TIEING MARI UP I WASNT EXPECTING THAT

the whole mari and ben subplot was so silly to me

both of them hobbling away 😭

ben practically put mari on a child leash and that will never not be funny to me

the hot chocolate scene??? eerily similar to jackie's dream sequence 🤔

ben going fucking crazy in the background, god mari is screwed i fear

SHAUNAHAT CANON??

I SCREAMED WHEN THAT SCENE CAME ON

LIKE ACTUAL FR SCREAMED

THE ENTIRE TWO EPISODES LEFT MY MIND THE ONLY THING LEFT WAS THOSE FUCKING LESBIANS

I DIDN'T EXPECT SHAUNAHAT TO BE REAL

melissa kissing shauna when she had a knife to her throat was so real, girl would do anything for some lez activity

now with that knowledge i def think hillary swank is adult melissa

cause like?? the cuts between adult shauna trying to figure out who left the phone and young shauna and melissa making out??

it was def melissa who left that phone

im still kinda weary about hillary swank being adult melissa because of the scene in the trailer where she said "wow you guys are really fucking crazy" cause why would melissa say that??

it would have to be someone who wasn't there

so i think melissas sister is prob hillary swank BUT, this episode made me much more confident

plus that imdb thing said hillary swank is melissa but i think I'll have to see it first

ANYWAY I THINK THATS ALL MY THOUGHTS

IF I FORGOT SOMETHING ILL ADD ONTO IT

[dellamortethelesser]

The Wigmaker Job (Final)

Notes and Thoughts - Part 7

pt1 | pt2 | pt3 | pt4 | pt5 |pt6 | pt7

This is my final installment in my attempt to organize my thoughts nearly line-by-line as I go through and analyze the relationship between Lucanis and Illario. These are my personal opinions and I'm open to discussion about any points I present here. DISCLAIMER: These posts I'm doing are my own analyses and are done with the intentional eye to examine the relationship between Lucanis and Illario. I try to source all my assertions from what the text is giving me. This is not Lucanis critical nor should it be taken as such.

this is going to be a longer post because I'm going to try to cover the last of everything at once. also as my disclaimer says I'm really in this for the relationship analysis which means I'm going to be breezing over a lot of this final fight with Ambrose. okay all of my caveats out of the way lets dive in

Lucanis felt no sympathy. They were, all of them, Venatori supporters, who either knew what Ambrose was doing or chose to turn a blind eye to indulge their own vanity. Ignorance is bliss, not innocence.

hm. okay hang on this is a doozy right off the bat in terms of Lucanis's subjective experience and opinions re: the Venatori when we remember that he is an assassin. a professional who kills people for money. Does Lucanis remember that? or does he think himself better because he's walking into this eyes wide open? so fucking chewy love this.

we can discuss it a little more when we skip down into the scene to where Lucanis and Ambrose are actually exchanging dialogue. wheeeee

"Normally, there's no judgment—only a contract. But for you, Ambrose, I made an exception." The Wigmaker raised a brow. "Oh? What makes me so special?" "You upset my delicate sensibilities." It was Ambrose's turn to laugh. "I thought a Crow could stomach anything—for the right price." Lucanis leveled the Wigmaker with a pointed look. "Not red lyrium." "Morality is not static. Right and wrong are a matter of perspective."

This interaction, to me, is the thesis of Lucanis's character. We can go line by line and pick apart what each one means to get everyone thinking. Come on guys come with meeeeee!

Line 1: Illario has been referring to the contract throughout this entire short story and it's been a point I've hammered in at pretty much every turn: Lucanis is not thinking like an assassin. He's letting his emotions, his morality, take precedence over the job.

Line 2: well. i actually don't have so much to say about what Ambrose says here but it is a good question. what DOES raise Lucanis's hackles so much as to cause a CROW to change their modus operandi?

Line 3: Lucanis is deflecting with a bit of humor here. He's not above the same dry wit that Illario is prone to, though his is usually more internal throughout the story expressed through his narration.

Line 4: Ambrose brings up the same point—they are PAID, HIRED KILLERS. paid money to kill. What about a trained killer implies that they'd blanch at anything? They certainly have a reputation to uphold.

Line 5: I had to go back to look at the red lyrium mention earlier in the story. Quick refresher—Ambrose was using red lyrium to keep his victims drugged and subdued and demon fodder pretty much lol. But Lucanis wasn't necessarily appalled at the use of red lyrium—not like he's been consistently appalled and horrified on behalf of the victims and slaves that fall under Ambrose's shadow. It also makes the previous lack of sympathy to those being killed by the demons interesting—guilty and not worthy of Lucanis's sympathy + vengeance by association, even though Ambrose tramples right over his guests and kills them, too.

Line 6: THIS. It's an excellent point to make to Lucanis specifically; morality is not static. Right and wrong are a matter of perspective. Sure, it means nothing to most people coming from the guy summoning demons and drugging people with red lyrium and killing them. But… let's just compare Lucanis and Illario? The "right" thing to do was different for them—the "right" thing in Illario's eyes was to finish the contract and leave. But the "right" thing to Lucanis—well, it was to get vengeance, pass judgment. Is it not so subjective? Lucanis says that the party guests deserve to die. Someone else might not.

Nothing irritated him more than self-righteous excuses. If you're going to do something terrible, just own it.

I'm really so obsessed with Lucanis and his mentality. Right here I just circled and scribbled the words "you're an assassin" but I suppose the point I wanted to make was that self-righteous excuses could be applied to him too? was that not what he was doing when he was changing up his plans on Illario to get vengeance and free the slaves? If you're going to do something noble, just own it.

You could argue that he did own it, but he just couched it behind the red lyrium excuse.

Hopelessness flooded the mage's eyes. "One day, someone will turn your work against you. Only then will you have some semblance of the emptiness you've made me feel."

I think this is the one good point I gave to Veilguard re: the Lucanis and Illario story-line because I did feel like this was interesting foreshadowing.

Fight ensues. Nothing really more interesting there that I want to dig into? Honorable mention to him talking to the abominations at the end, I guess; "you have your vengeance". Interesting. I don't think all of these abominations are victims, some of them are the high-blood mages that were there at the party, because he mentioned it earlier? Hmm. Thoughts to consider!

Immediately skipping past looking for Illario on their ship to check the CLEANEST TAVERN on the docks. And he's right. really fucking funny that did get me lmfao.

"get that man to stop yelling at me" ← see Illario's skills are useful!!! ok now we're about to get into the meat of the Lucanis&Illario dynamic that everyone loves to reference (even me)

"Yes, yes. I did my good deed for the year." ← Illario does keep his word! Just like Lucanis said.

The back and forth about the wine and bribery does something to me. "I think it makes it taste all the sweeter" from Illario versus Lucanis drinking it and saying that bribery hadn't spoiled the bottle. Obviously it's just saying that it isn't bribed? Or at least that Lucanis doesn't think— it means nothing I think I'm reading into this passage too much

Camille didn't make it and Illario is unfazed; "ah, well, frees me from promises I didn't intend to keep". sorry he's so fucking funny. Interesting that Lucanis chooses to tell him this? Does he think Illario was serious about the flirting? Does he feel bad about her death? Lucanis knew her NAME. Illario had to be reminded by referring to her as the guard-captain.

Illario offers to get a healer for the blood and Lucanis stubbornly refuses. Here we go everyone.

"All right," Illario said, topping off his glass. "We'll just pretend that's wine you're dripping all over the table." "What do you want me to say?" Illario's gaze grew hard. "How long are you going to keep doing this?" "Doing what?" "Caterina's bidding."

Obviously I don't think that Lucanis is thinking—or really wants to think—about how this ends, while Illario understands the game, the politics, the fact that Lucanis is passively letting this happen, and that Lucanis is continiously justifying Caterina's controll.

The wine turned in Lucanis's mouth. "Illario. Stop." "If I was in charge, you wouldn't have to do this anymore," he cajoled. "You could quit."

The main reason why I didn't write this out as an essay was because the very unsatisfying thesis is that you have to decide for yourself whether you think the writing from WMJ is consistent across The Wake & Veilguard. There's no indication from the narrator or from Lucanis whether Illario is being genuine here or not.

But I'm operating on the good faith that he is. Lucanis could quit! He's making an offer. Lucanis wants him to stop bringing Caterina into it, stop thinking ahead, stop making HIM think about where this road leads.

Lucanis stared at his cousin. "I don't want to quit." Illario sat back. The distance between them suddenly felt much wider than a table. "Even if it kills you," Illario whispered.

I actually don't think this was an indictment on Lucanis but an observation that Illario was making. He's not going to quit—even if it's going to kill him. I'm not sure those words were necessarily intended for Lucanis even if he heard them. My opinion though.

"Death is my calling," Lucanis stated, matter-of-fact. "Just as yours is to become First Talon."

I can go either way on this one. Lucanis is either saying that he wants to remain as a mere assasin who doles out death—or truly wants to die trying to avoid Caterina's placement of him as First Talon.

He clearly sees Illario as the one more suited for the task, but he won't tell Caterina that. His refusal to tell her 'no' is justified by how she raised them but it is crazy, man…

He smiled, hoping to ease the tension, but Illario's posture remained taut. "And if Caterina disagrees? If she thinks you're the better man for the job—" "I don't want it, Illario," Lucanis insisted. "But you wouldn't refuse."

Illario already knows that Caterina prefers Lucanis; they discussed this at the beginning. Everyone knows. Even Lucanis.

Lucanis finally answers Illario's question from that early scene! He doesn't want the job! But, no. He won't tell Caterina no, which is the real money question here. He's stuck and can't actually offer a solution to satisfy Illario—in fact, he offers no real solution at all.

"It's impossible to refuse Caterina," Lucanis admitted reluctantly. "Only prolong her, until she sees reason." He knew it wasn't the answer Illario wanted, but it was the truth. And in their line of work, honesty was hard to come by. Illario exhaled and lifted his wineglass in salute. "To reason, then." "To reason," Lucanis echoed."

To reason. [OUGH] I don't have a lot to add to this specific passage that I haven't already covered i just wrote "augh AUGH AUAUUUGHGHGH" all over my paper at this point. To reason! I'd argue Illario's crashout was justified but perhaps not reason. I see his reasoning.

Caterina was never going to see their reasoning. Only her reason matters. Why should she see reason? She has the way of it.

One last thing I want to cover before we part ways, lovelies. Although I will be making my Wake analysis later but that'll just be one long post lol.

Zara paused to marvel at herself. Every feature and proportion were in perfect symmetry. And yet, when she smiled, there was something ugly behind it.

Echoes Illario's description at the start of this story.

Quotes are either paraphrased or taken directly from The Wigmaker Job, written by Courtney Woods.

[rainbowsky]

Anonymous asked:

Hey rainbowsky I hope you are doing well love you account, I saw this on Twitter about wyb following an account on weibo that slanders xz and few other celebrities. I'm not on weibo personally and I was wondering if its true . Forgive my not so perfect grammar English ain't my first language

Hi, Anon. Thanks so much, I'm glad you're enjoying my blog! ☺️

Your English is fine! It doesn't have to be perfect anyway, people. Even people who grew up with English as their first language sometimes struggle with how to express things. I'm not going to be grading anyone's messages. 😘

Regarding this issue, I want to remind everyone that following and reading what antis say anywhere is never a good idea. Their only purpose in life is to hate, and you should just edit that all the way out of your life. Block, ignore, and report when appropriate.

For background, there are some haters out there claiming that he followed a moto account that is a notorious cyberbully who slanders many celebrities.

I happen to be very intimately aware of who DD follows on Weibo, because I did a comprehensive post about it a while back. I know all of the patterns of who he tends to follow and their relationship to him.

DD absolutely does not follow any fan accounts, and never has. He does not follow the account in question.

The claim is that he followed this person and then quickly unfollowed them. I think that anyone with two brain cells to rub together can tell that is obviously an accidental follow. We have all done it at some point in our lives (and for some reason it only seems to happen with accounts we absolutely would not want to be associated with!).

If you've ever used the Weibo app, the follow button is a few millimeters away from the phone's back button, and it would be easy to accidentally follow somebody when you meant to go back to the previous page. Especially if you have huge hands like his.

Why would he be looking at the page of an anti? Probably for the same reason you were, Anon. Everyone has a morbid human curiosity about anti material for some reason, and they spend entirely too much time looking at it.

It's possible that he saw a hate comment about his husband and he wanted to see if it was someone claiming to be his fan. It's possible he saw something said 'in his name' that he didn't agree with. It's possible somebody mentioned that account as potentially in the next crop of people being sued. We will never know.

What we do know is that if he ever did follow them (and screen caps can be faked very easily, so I'm not even sure that's true), he doesn't follow them now.

Edit: apparently the supposed DD account wasn't him, it was faked. All the more reason to ignore this kind of BS.

These are the kinds of things that people can waste time hand-wringing over, when they are absolutely inconsequential.

The reality is that the people angrily spreading this story about him are just as horrible as the person they are claiming he followed. That is the irony of all of this. They are the exact same sort of person. They say and do all of the same horrible things as that account does.

The other irony is that all of this is happening on xitter - a platform no decent human being should still be participating in.

Anyone still on there is participating in a Neo-Nazi platform, and further legitimizing and lining the pockets of the richest, most corrupt dirtbag on the planet, who is right now actively engaged in an illegal, racist, anti-queer, anti-disabled, anti-kindness, self-serving fascist dismantling of the US democratic systems of government. That should be more worrying to you than this ridiculous story.

The fact that there are so many high profile turtles who still participate there is an ongoing source of deep embarrassment and shame for the fandom.

Why not leave that hateful platform to the antis and move over to BlueSky, which has all of the features needed and none of the baggage? Most of those turtles already have a presence on there, they just don't actually use their accounts. They need to find the moral courage to lead everybody to greener pastures.

[pushspacetocontinue]

"Heh, that, that could very have, have been it," Russell said, before the blush on his cheeks darkened a little again, "I'm, I'm glad to, to hear that it, it isn't, it isn't just, just me."

This really was going well so far. While it had been nerve wrecking to do it himself, Russell was glad that Antonio had technically refused to hypnotise him into being brave in the end. He had managed to do this entirely himself.

"Oh that's, that's, that's so nice, nice of you to, to say, Lucien. I uh, I'm, I'm glad I, I managed to," Russell said, "I uh, heh, it took me a bit to, um... wait, what? You, you were gonna, gonna ask, ask me? I uh, well, I, I don't, I don't know what, what to say..."

He was honestly flattered that Lucien had been thinking the same for him. Sure, Russell had cherished their friendship, but he had always Lucien was way out of his league to ask him on a date.

"I'm, I'm, I'm happy it, it worked out for, for both of us."

Russell then felt himself wondering about whether he could perhaps offer his shoulder for Lucien. But was that too much? Would that be too far? Would if that idea just put him off?

He wasn't upset or angered or disgusted by Russell holding his hand, so maybe something a little 'closer' would be okay.

I can do it... I can do it... right?

With that, Russell slowly and carefully moved so he could wrap his arm around Lucien's shoulders.

Now that they were sitting that close, Lucien started considering how he should proceed from here.

Normally, he would lean on his date's shoulder, or offer his own, but he had to account Russell's complicated stance on physical contact as well. Perhaps going right ahead would be pushing too much and too early. He didn't want to ruin the moment by rushing things.

At least his attempt at humor was being appreciated.

"Hard to say. Perhaps it was in a good mood, or it realized it would have upset a far more dangerous forest dweller."

Lucien figured he could also endure a joke at his own expense. He was simply glad Russell didn't get trampled just to discover that place.

"I'd dare say we're doing wonderfully." Lucien replied, smiling softly, "I'm so glad you asked me out. I was going to do it if you didn't, but the fact you took the initiative really means a lot to me."

So much that it was hard to put into words. It wasn't just another date he got by flexing his own looks. This felt earned, in a way, and certainly more genuine.

"So, don't worry about me. We're going to go at this at your pace."

[asurrogateblog]

The Syd Poll

the topic of this poll is one that is frequently avoided in the pink floyd fandom, but inevitably one we all consider – our individual views on what we think caused syd's psychological struggles (and by extension, led to his departure from the band). I think that – at least in this neighborhood of tumblr – this is a conversation we are capable of having in a way that is civil, nuanced, and at least minimally disrespectful to syd.

So, to help facilitate this, here are some ground rules:

let's all assume we have a mutual understanding of the complexities of this. syd could never actually be reduced down to a poll, and all of our viewpoints are limited in various ways

the poll options just serve as just a conversation starter, and responses are not necessarily a statement of absolute beliefs

feel free to discuss as much or as little of your own perspective as you feel comfortable sharing.

in the case that debates break out, please try to assume good intent – and also demonstrate it (unless, for instance, someone is being blatantly insulting beyond a misunderstanding that needs correcting)

please do NOT vote if you are not actually a pink floyd fan with at least basic knowledge about what we're talking about here.

The options I've included below are not meant to be exhaustive, they are simply the "theories" that I have seen most commonly circulated. I have also decided not to include combinations. I'm fairly sure we'd all agree multiple factors were involved. Rather than make the poll too complicated, I ask you to instead select the one that you think is the "most" important to your viewpoint, and clarify further in your tags/comments as you wish.

so. here we go.

READ BEFORE VOTING ^^^^

(note of correction: "late-onset schizophrenia" should just be "schizophrenia". the typical timeline for onset of symptoms is late adolescence/early adulthood, so syd would've been well within that period at the time)

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears

I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!

The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.

More:

Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.

Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)

Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.

Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.

Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.

The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.

They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.

And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.

I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

if dorian didn't show up, do you think louis would have shot minnie?

I do. I know some people think either he wouldn't have or he would've missed so that's why the writers had him shoot Dorian instead, but mmmmmm no, I don't personally think so. I like to think that if he had taken the shot, his shaky hands would've caused him to shoot her fatally.

Mostly because I'm already so normal about the fact that of the Ericson crew, Marlon and Louis are the only ones with a body count. Well, that we know of, but shown to us in the game, at least. Plus, we know it's Louis' first kill.

Like yeah, Clementine and AJ become part of the crew and they have bigger body counts, and if we're counting indirect kills caused by actions, then Tenn has a count... and I guess everyone has blood on their hands for blowing up the boat... but I'm talking about killed directly with a weapon like....... I lied, I'm not normal about that at all, Louis and Marlon are the ones who have killed someone in Louis' route. I'm also not normal about the fact that Louis kills Dorian and then even as he's clearly in shock, he tries to go with Clementine to get AJ, and then later on when they talk about it, he says it feels like bile but not quite and he's glad he has it in him to do it.... listen, listen, listen... I'm obsessed with that.

Anyway, so if Louis shot Minerva, I think he would've accidentally killed her and can you imagine? He's already enough of a mess after killing the woman who pinned him down and tried to cut his finger off [or succeeded] but he knew Minerva, they were friends before the twins were taken. Even Violet couldn't kill her even though that would've been the smarter thing to do, and we know thanks to meta knowledge that killing her would've saved lives, but Violet couldn't, and I don't think Louis would intentionally either.

Speaking of Violet, if Louis killed Minerva, I hate to think about what that would've done to Vi. I think she might've actually left at that point, like what was planned before it got changed to her being burned. I don't think she would've attacked Louis over it, though, like yeah she attacked Clementine in the cell but Louis? I don't know, but I don't think so just because it's Louis and he'd be a mess about it anyway.

Though if he did kill her, it would be a neat parallel to draw... y'know, because Louis forgave AJ for killing Marlon even though he was pissed and heartbroken, and Violet was annoyed with him the entire time... but could she ever forgive Louis for killing Minerva? Y'know? We already have a similar parallel with AJ shooting Tenn, but still.

If Clementine killed Minerva in that moment, though, then I could see Violet attacking her since in her eyes, Clem proved her right.

So yeah, I get why they added the Dorian kill to his route. It adds another compelling element to Louis as a character, but we also need Minerva alive for episode 4; Louis can't kill her, he can't miss, and he's not going to stay with her because we need Violet to stay on the boat and him to be on shore for all routes.

[cherriesfm]

michael  knew  he  was  teetering  on  the  edge  of  something  he  couldn't  come  back  from  and  that  knowledge  alone  was  the  sole  cause  of  him  stalling  as  much  as  he  could  —  testing  how  much  longer  he  could  hold  on  before  he  completely  unravelled;  before  serin  could  undo  him  entirely.  the  tension  between  them  had  awakened  him,  the  constant  push  and  pull  igniting  a  fire  within  him  that  he  was  struggling  to  keep  at  bay.  he  knew  she  could  tell  too.  after  all,  she  had  read  him  within  a  single  encounter  and  as  much  as  he  tried  to  hide  it,  she  was  starting  to  know  his  subtle  tells.  it  was  much  harder  to  hide  how  much  he  wanted  this  now  that  he'd  gotten  a  little  taste  of  it,  the  same  moment  inside  the  gallery  replaying  in  his  mind.  he  had  briefly  thought  of  what  it  would  be  like  the  first  time  she  walked  away  from  him  and  yet  he  hadn't  imagined  it  would  feel  this  intoxicating.  his  restraint  was  partly  to  give  himself  room  to  back  out,  feel  like  he  wasn't  crossing  that  point  of  no  return  just  yet,  and  it  was  partly  because  he  selfishly  wanted  to  savor  the  moment.  he  couldn't  risk  being  interrupted.  her  words  cut  through  the  silence.  you  really  think  this  is  about  control,  michael?  it  used  to  be.  it  started  out  that  way,  at  least,  but  he  felt  the  shift  long  ago,  right  when  he  was  trying  to  keep  up  with  the  new  rules  of  their  game.  it  wasn't  about  control  anymore,  it  was  about  driving  the  other  to  their  breaking  point  first.  yet,  wasn't  their end  goal  the  same?  "i  know  what  you're  trying  to  do,  serin.  i  told  you  i  can  keep  up  with  you  and  i  meant  that  in  more  ways  than  one,"  he  spoke,  his  tone  quieter  and  softer  than  he'd  ever  been,  a hint of honesty peeking through.  "if  all  you  wanted  was  control,  i'm  sure  you  would've  gotten  it  a  long  time  ago."  despite  her  remaining  silent,  michael  could  feel  her  presence  like  his  own  pulse  drumming  in  his  veins,  even  when  she  wasn't  looking  at  him.  she  had  pushed  him  to  the  edge  and  he  was  merely  waiting  for  her  to  push  him  right  over  it.  it  wasn't  going  to  take  much,  he  was  sure,  just  as  he  was  sure  the  minute  they  were  behind  closed  doors  she  would  be  able  to  tell  just  how  badly  he  wanted  her  —  just  how  badly  he'd  been  looking  forward  to  it.  he  pulled  into  the  parking  lot,  the  engine  coming  to  a  halt  as  he  cut  the  ignition  and  waited.  he  didn't  move  for a beat,  his  grip  on  the  wheel  only  loosening  slightly  and  the  silence  between  them  stretching.  "we  both  know  i'm  not  the  only  one  who's  halfway  there,  serin,"  he  turned  to  face  her  then,  unclipping  his  seatbelt.  "but  i'm  going  to  let  you  pretend  because  it's  only  a  matter  of  time  now."  without  waiting  for  her  response,  he  pushed  his  door  open,  the  sound  cutting  through  the  silence,  as  the  cool  air  hit  him  suddenly  —  a  welcome  change  from  the  fire  he  felt  all  over.

it was that brief, delicious moment where everything felt like it could shift — the kind of moment that should've been electrifying in the best way, but for serin, it only deepened the tension, made her want him more. she’d felt it too, the pull, the heat of their kiss in the dark corner of the gallery, the way he’d tasted like something forbidden, like a hunger they both couldn’t escape, even if they’d tried. they had lost themselves for a second, and now, here they were, sitting in this car, the space between them crackling like static, both holding on to the very edge of control. serin wasn’t used to waiting. she didn’t let anyone dictate the terms, not when she knew she had the power. but michael? he was different. he was a puzzle she wasn’t sure she wanted to solve, but she couldn’t help herself. she wanted to see how far he’d go, how much restraint he had left before it all unraveled. his jaw tightened, his grip on the wheel firm, his eyes flicking briefly to her hand before returning to the road, like he could pretend she wasn’t there. like he could pretend the charge between them wasn’t undeniable. he was trying not to give in, trying not to let her see how badly she was getting under his skin. but serin knew this game, maybe better than he did. and it wasn’t just about winning; it was about making him want to lose control, making him beg for it, even if he wouldn’t admit it. the shift in the car’s atmosphere was palpable. a small, private smile curled at the corner of her lips as she turned her attention back to the window, but she didn’t relax. no, she was far from it. she could feel everything between them — the friction, the tension, the game they were playing. city lights flickered, painting shadows across her face as the hum of the engine wrapped around them. her fingers traced the edge of her dress, slow, casual, but calculated. out of the corner of her eye, she watched him, the way his body remained stiff, his focus unwavering, as if gripping the wheel was the only thing keeping him tethered. "you really think this is about control, michael?" her voice was soft, dipping into something darker, quieter. she shifted in her seat, every movement deliberate. "i don’t need to control you. i just need to get you to the point where you’ll lose it. you’re already halfway there, aren’t you?" she knew he knew she was playing a game, but she wasn’t sure if he realized how much she was enjoying it. the flicker of his grin when he spoke, so calm, so measured, told her he was trying to keep his cool, but it didn’t fool her. she saw it in his jaw, in the way his fingers tightened around the wheel like he was holding back a dam that was sure to break. her lips parted to speak, but she let the silence stretch, hanging in the air just a second longer than usual. it was a challenge. she wanted him to break. to make the first move. to let go of the restraint he was clinging to like it was the only thing keeping him steady. the car moved smoothly through the streets, but every passing mile felt like it dragged her closer to something she wasn’t sure she wanted to face. she was tired of playing games, but she also couldn’t help herself. part of her didn’t want to give in, didn’t want to let him see how badly she wanted this — wanted him. another part of her didn’t care. because she knew how this night was going to end. she didn’t need to be the one to make the first move. she had no doubt he’d let himself slip soon enough, and when he did, when he couldn’t hold it back any longer — she’d be right there, waiting.

[abyssal-author-and-artist]

I love being a multishipper. Yes I want these two to kiss. I also want this one person to kiss this other person even though they were kissing this other person earlier. They do not cancel each other out. Sometimes a poly ship helps but then also you ship two brothers with the same person and like. No. That would be weird. I'll just ship them both separately. That's not confusing at all.